In 500 words or less, please provide information about any personal or financial obstacles that you have had to overcome. If you do not have any community service involvement, you may use this space to tell us why. Do not repeat anything that you listed earlier.
Certain financial obstacles would be with my parents' income because it restricts a lot of things for me. My mother works as an Elementary School lunch lady and my father is a Hotel Maintenance Worker. Although they provided me, my brothers and my sisters with a good home, we have very little extra money. As a result, I had to choose between going to homecoming and saving for college. I chose saving because college will do more for me in the long run. Getting this scholarship will make attending University of Florida a lot less of a hardship. Also my parents still managed to give me certain resources like provide a home, food, and internet for me and my siblings, I overcame this by learning that I do not need a lot of material things and that it is about quality not quantity.
Personal obstacles would be to really decide what I want to do in life and what path to choose. I could have easily pass high school with the bare minimum requirements, but I did not want to because I wanted to challenge myself even though I had some mishaps at least I tried.
Also moving from Chinatown, New York to Pembroke Pines, Florida was a huge culture shock to me because I went from having many Asian people in my class to having one or two in my classes. Also the language barrier was difficult because I started to lose my Cantonese language as I spoke more English but I still spoke some Cantonese with my parents. I use to be ashamed of being Chinese because I was the only one and felt awkward but I soon grew out of it and started embracing the Chinese culture and was not so afraid of speaking Cantonese in public.
Another personal obstacle would be that I feel like I have a responsibility to my parents because they do not speak English that well and would need me to help them but yet I want to move away from home to experience other things. This scholarship will help so much because it will take the burden of my parents to pay for my college tuition and on campus housing.
new revision any mistakes?
Hi Amber,
You have a good start, but remember that it is specifics that will make your essay memorable. You are not very specific when you say that "Certain financial obstacles would be with my parents' income because it restricts a lot of things for me."
You might try writing something like this:
"My mother works as a teacher's assistant and my father is a factory worker. Although they provided me and my brothers and sisters a good home, we had very little extra money. As a result, I had to choose between going to homecoming and saving for college. I chose saving because college will do more for me in the long run. Getting this scholarship will make attending (whatever school ) a lot less of a hardship."
The details about where you lived and the health care are not really part of the personal or financial obstacles that you have faced. Getting low cost health care is not an obstacle, it's a benefit. Moving from an apartment to a house is a benefit. Maybe leaving your friends behind and having to make all new ones is an obstacle?
Here are some other possible personal obstacles -- taking a difficult course, overcoming a fear of giving in class presentations, having to work after school and still keep your grades up, being responsible for watching a younger brother while your parents worked, coping with the death of a relative, etc.
You're on the right track with the stuff about not taking the bare minimum classes. What specific classes did you take? What was hard about them? How did you overcome the difficulty? Did you get tutoring, join a study group, etc.?
Saying that you want to move away but feel obligated to your parents isn't an obstacle. That's a situation that you have mixed feelings about.
Think about obstacles that you have overcome and the way that you did it and make that the focus of your essay. Help them get to know you and see you as a persistent and talented person.
Hey i think you should have an attention grabber instead of jumping straight into this essay
Certain financial obstacles would be with my parents' income because it restricts a lot of things for me.
What resources did they manage to give you ? Be specific.
Overall i think this is a good start but need some improvements.
What scholarship are you trying to apply for?
You make really great points here. I think it was a a good idea to mention the importance of college and your dedication to it by choosing not to go to homecoming. All around great though, good luck with your scholarship :)
My dad was looking for work a job in Florida and was lucky enough to find a house that was manageable to pay every month in the house we live in now.
Work doesn't sound right to me...
maybe you should talk more on the financial issue,like how it change you in thinking what is important in life.moving from NY to Florida, English speaking, Cantonese speaking and not part of the financial problem but a problem or dilemma arises because of the financial problem.And you did not describe them in sequence (I have trouble understanding the relation of these events)
Hope this helps!
