Hey guys, I was wondering if you guys could do me a big favor and help by reading my essay and suggesting things that I should fix. This essay is for Hispanic Scholarship Fund, the topic is to describe an academic challenge you have faced and explain how to you overcame it. Here is my essay. Thank you !
Every student at some point of their educational career, face some type of academic challenge. As a student, you do not have many options to choose from; either you accept the challenge and work hard to overcome it, or you give up and be okay with failure. After completing third grade in Mexico, my family decided to move to the United States, seeking a better living. My parents wasted little to no time in getting my brother and I enrolled in school to start as soon as possible. At first, the idea of attending a school in the United States was fascinating to me; however, it was not until my first day of school where I realized how many walls I needed to climb in order to be where I am today.
Throughout my life, I have never faced a bigger academic challenge than that which I faced in fourth grade. When I first entered Chesney Elementary, I did not know where to begin. I had no idea what everyone was doing nor saying; everything was completely different, much like a new world. My teacher spoke nothing but English, whenever I tried communicating with her, I had to do it through a bilingual student or an adult. It was hard getting through school not knowing anything that was going on. I was placed in an ESOL class where I met people who were going through the same problem I was, with the exception that all of them had at least been in school for at least one year.
I would go home every day after school, crying telling my mom that I could not do it, that I wanted to go back to Mexico. I did not see the need to be suffering in school here, when in Mexico I was always a star student and the best of my class. My mom told me to be strong; she promised me that if in two years I still struggled, she will send me back to Mexico. I accepted her challenge and tried learning English as quick as possible. It was not easy. At times, I was discouraged by my own classmates. A girl in my class who spoke both languages helped me, but she eventually got tired of me and never helped me again. I was daunted, but it pushed me to learn the language faster and one day be better in school than her. I worked hard to learn English; I took the advantage of every program offered to help me learn it. After two long and stressful years, I had finally learned the language. As of today, I take honor English classes and perform as one of the best in class.
Every student at some point of their educational career, face some type of academic challenge. As a student, you do not have many options to choose from; either you accept the challenge and work hard to overcome it, or you give up and be okay with failure.
I feel these two lines do not contribute much value addition to your response because these are general stuff that do not talk about yourself. They are interested in knowing If you have a word count constraint, then these sentences should be replaced by lines that have more meaningful contents to support your answer.
After completing third grade in Mexico, my family decided to move to the United States, seeking a better living.
You should have started with this.
Also, talk more about what you did to face the challenge and how you managed to overcome those problems. That is what more important for the admission guys.
