Main things I am concern about. Does it answer the prompt? Grammatical wise. Strong? Says what it needs to say. Please tell me anything you notice that is wrong or anything that could strengthen it! Thanks. Also, this is for Semester at Sea!
Merit - 400 to 600 word limit - Community service can be a valuable part of the college experience. If you were to devote one year of service to a volunteer project, what would it be, and what would you hope to accomplish?
Animals have unendingly fascinated me. Growing up, and living on a compressed animal farm with an Asian household of nine, I encountered creatures, great and small, and most of them were dangerous. At a young age, I was trained first aid in order to treat my siblings if they were ever injured. Carefully restoring my sibling's fractured bones or cuts were some of many ongoing responsibilities I was assigned when my parents were not around.
Assuredly, as the years passed by I honed my abilities and learned how to treat animals as well. I can recall my first time taking care of an animal. The canine gazed at me with hollow eyes, quavering around with broken hind legs, desperately trying to take shelter from a hailstorm. He whimpered and became petrified as we made contact, but gradually he regained his composure. I gently stroked his patched, drenched fur and wrapped his fractured limbs. Even though he died a few days later, we christened him Crispin. It is comforting to know his last moments were spent well. Animals have always been a passion of mine, and becoming a wildlife and conservation biologist is my dream. If I could devote one year of service to a volunteer project, it would be wildlife conservation.
Pursing this further, there are numerous of non-profit organization that plan to I participate in the future to contribute to rehabilitation of nature, as I have done in the past. One particular program that I plan to be involved in is the International Student Volunteer. ISV has especially caught my interest because of the extensive variety of opportunities for individuals to immerse themselves to various international volunteer programs. ISV offers communal contribution such as environmental management, children's program, community development, and conservation of habitats.
Since the mass increase of population and urban development has significantly increased globally, the wildlife protection in countries such as South Africa, Ecuador, and Thailand are some of many that has been threatened. Practices such as deforestation, farming, over-grazing and development are leading to irreversible changes-soil compaction, erosion, desertification, and modification of local climatic settings. Subsequently, habitats will be lost and forcing the rapid extinction of species.
As third world countries civilizations progresses, buildings and roads are occupying and overlapping areas that were once homes for creatures, great and small. As a result, these homeless critters are either hunted or caged. What I hope to accomplish is to participate in wildlife protection organizations is to develop environmental farming practice where the human population will not encroach on the habitats of animals, allowing the landscape to flourish. In addition, by volunteering at ISV wildlife care and rehabilitation facilities I will not only have the opportunity to care for wounded creatures, but also be edifying people to learn how to live with their ecosystem, and the creatures that inhabit them more mutually; creating sustainable living. Integrating and promoting the basic concept of reduce, reuse, and recycle in the local community could vastly save environmental contamination and destruction. Most importantly however, spreading awareness about the habitat extinction and the species that inhabit them, are vital for a salubrious environment. These are some of many significant objectives I am expecting to accomplish.
To recapitulate, I will to become a wildlife and conservation biologist someday. It is not a matter of "if" I could devote my time to nature protection and preservation, it the matter of "when" I will. Animals have always been a passion of mine and Semester at Sea will help me achieve my dream: becoming a wildlife and conservation biologist.
Hi :)
One thing I noticed: You begin some paragraphs with phrases like "Assuredly" and "Pursing this further" and "To recapitulate"
You don't need these to introduce the paragraph, I would suggest omitting these.
I'd like to help with your introduction: these are some changes to it, just suggestions on a different way to write it.
I have always been fascinated with animal life. As a child, I grew up in an Asian household of nine, located on a small animal farm. I encountered creatures, great and small, and I learned to be cautious because most of them were dangerous. At a young age, I was trained in first aid, which was necessary to treat my siblings if they were ever injured. I had many ongoing responsibilities that were assigned to me by my parents. For example, I would carefully restore my sibling's fractured bones or cuts when my parents were not home.
I think it is a little easier to read like this. Continue to work on your grammar. Nice job with your paper :)
