Hello everyone,
Here is the essay named "Why do you want to study in Japan / What is your purpose to study in Japan". There is no requirement on the word count. The essay is used to apply for a scholarship to study in Japan. I would be grateful if you could help me and give feedback on this, especially your precious experience for a scholarship essay. Thank you very much! :)
My very first approach to Japan commenced when I was a child, thanks to a travel guide book as a birthday gift from my aunt. The country then became an interesting destination in which I was deeply interested. I always wanted to study Japanese language as a compulsory subject but at that time there were no high schools that offered such a program in Vietnam. It was until I entered university that I began my Japanese study in a language center in Ho Chi Minh City - where I had the chance to study with dedicated and energetic Japanese teachers. They had taught me a lot of things, not only the language itself but also the living, culture and manner of the Japanese. It has been years studying, and my big love of Japan has been fired so drastically that Japanese people have left a lasting impression on me. I find them so devoted, even in small and minor work. They tend to spare a high level of conscientiousness in all aspects of their work to achieve the greatest productivity and result. That's an amazing aspect that I always want to learn from them directly in the beautiful Japan territory.
In addition, I am excited to exchange my culture with people in Japan. It's all about sharing cultures and making the world more international, which globally ensures high integration among nations. On my way of mastering Japanese, I have befriended with some Japanese friends on Couchsurfing, a traveling application. They came to Vietnam and had me become a guide of the city. We also met each other when travelling to other places. It was awesome to talk to them and they always long for my arrival in Japan to share me more interesting things about their home country. Personally, I think everyone we meet daily has their own stories that each of us can be a listener, to enjoy and learn from. As a country with cutting-edge education innovation, Japan attracts a great number of international students every year. This possible become a very good chance for me to acquire much knowledge with students of different nationalities.
Last but not least, in recent years, the global economy has achieved a high rate of growth, which has brought about a variety of innovations in production and marketing, application, and function of commodities. And Japan turns out to be no exception. Since Japan is a trade-oriented country, facilitating trade not only in commodities but also in services could contribute to maintaining the global environment, developing technologies, and creating a market for new services. In the recent years, economic cooperation is a key aspect of the bilateral relationship. Japan is Vietnam's fourth largest strategic trade partner after China, the United States, and South Korea. Likewise, Japan is currently Vietnam's third-largest export market behind China and the United States. Studying in Japan therefore gives me more realistic view on the global economic situation. Then when I come back to my home country, by learning from the Japanese working manner, the living culture as well as the innovative education system, I therefore will be able to work for Japanese enterprise in order to promote such a big trade between the two countries.
Hi, and welcome to the EssayForum or EF in short. We strive to give constructive feedbacks and comments to all members of EF regarding their writing. I hope you can share your ideas with the other members as now you are one of our big family.
Now let's have a look to your essay.
The above essay is well-written. I can see the reason why you want to study to Japan. Still, I suggest you to link your reason with your aims specifically. You wrote many things that attract you to study in Japan and if you link it with your specific dreams, let's say to be an engineer, it will make your essay looks better. You can also correlate your previous background of study and the things that you want to polish or develop by studying in Japan, or the benefits that you will get only in japan regarding to your previous experience (either working experience or previous degree of study).
Try to create an impression of what the benefits that you can get through achieving a scholarship and link it with your personal aims and background; make it detailed as possible. You can search for the example of a good scholarship essay in the internet. Also, don't forget to answer the prompt of the essay. Wish you luck. Regards.
Hello ichanpants89,
Thank you very much for your feedback which is very helpful! I have re-written my essay as follows (with the red one I've just addded). Actually, there is no requirement on the word count but it is recommended that each easy should not be too long. There is another question for the future plans and how we can get it if you get the scholarship of the University. So perhaps, I may not need to include my personal aims and background in this essay.
My very first approach to Japan commenced when I was a child, thanks to a travel guide book as a birthday gift from my aunt. The country then became an interesting destination in which I was deeply interested. I told myself that one day I would be in Japan, fall in love with it and enhance the economic relationship between Japan and my home country. I always wanted to study Japanese language as a compulsory subject but at that time there were no high schools that offered such a program in Vietnam. It was until I entered university that I began my Japanese study in a language center in Ho Chi Minh City - where I had the chance to study with dedicated and energetic Japanese teachers. They had taught me a lot of things, not only the language itself but also the culture and living manner of the Japanese. It has been years studying, and my big love of Japan has been fired so drastically that Japanese people have left a lasting impression on me. I find them so devoted, even in small and minor work. They tend to spare a high level of conscientiousness in all respects of their work to achieve the greatest productivity and result. That's an amazing aspect that I always want to learn from them directly in the beautiful Japan territory.
In addition, I am excited to exchange my culture with people in Japan. It's all about sharing cultures and making the world more international, which globally ensures high integration among nations. On my way of mastering Japanese, I have befriended with some Japanese friends on Couchsurfing, a traveling application. They came to Vietnam and had me become a guide of the city. We also met each other when travelling to other places. It was awesome to talk to them and they always long for my arrival in Japan to share me more interesting things about their home country. Personally, I think everyone we meet daily has their own stories that each of us can be a listener, to enjoy and learn from. As a country with cutting-edge education innovation, Japan attracts a great number of international students every year. This possible become a very good chance for me improve my Japanese competency and to acquire more knowledge from students of different nationalities.
Last but not least, in the recent years, the global economy has achieved a high rate of growth, which has brought about a variety of innovations in production and marketing, application, and function of commodities. And Japan turns out to be no exception. Since Japan is a trade-oriented country, facilitating trade not only in commodities but also in services could contribute to maintaining the global environment, developing technologies, and creating a market for new services.During my previous degree, I have got down into the general international trade and it came to me that in the recent years, economic cooperation is a key aspect of the bilateral relationship. Japan is Vietnam's fourth largest strategic trade partner after China, the United States, and South Korea. Likewise, Japan is currently Vietnam's third-largest export market behind China and the United States. Studying in Japan therefore gives me more realistic view on the global economic situation.I believe that the outstanding practical courses of Global Business offers me the opportunity to acquire what I need the most. Human networks are also essential throughout the field work. Building human networks with specialists of international development sector and interacting with as many as other peers who have the same goal as me is a very important task during my stay in Japan. Then when I come back to my home country, by learning from the Japanese working manner, the living culture as well as the innovative education system, I therefore will be able to work for Japanese enterprise in order to promote the trade between the two countries.
