Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future.
Architecture has the ability to branch itself in different areas, that gives architects the opportunity to study diverse fields and reach solutions in a more efficient way. As student I had design/project as the main subject in each semester, in hand with other modules that focused on history, urban-environmental studies, graphic design and new technologies. During my third year in the university I started to feel more interested in urban-environmental studies and how it impacts the life style of people. I got fascinated by Landscape architecture and how it balances the design of the city with the nature of the environment and the need of society to interact with each other. As time passed, I learnt more about this area and how it brings cities to be livelier, artistic and sustainable.
After graduating I had the chance to be part of the design team of a theme park in the State where I live. Working on a 14 hectares canvas became the perfect opportunity to apply sustainable principles, in a project that depended solely on the interaction with the landscape. This project made my job much more fun, since it was something I felt really passionate about. Because it was a recreation-touristic complex, I got the chance to get involved with the ministry of environment and Tourism; which helped me understand construction regulations regarding ecological surroundings and land management.
I chose to take a master degree because, even though one never stops learning, I feel like I'm not done with academia. After exercising my career for almost 5 years, I realize that I've reach a more mature concept about the role of architects in the society and the responsibility that comes with that title.
Universities in the UK are known worldwide because of their high standard programs and broad range of courses for international students, which could encourage the development of my potential and abilities. I've chosen New Castle University and Birmingham City University because they aim to apply essential skills in critical thinking, offer strong foundation in practical/theoretical modules related to urban design, sustainability, social impact, research methods and professional practice. Both universities invest in outstanding facilities that improve the learning process, but most importantly, they count with a high qualified staff from multicultural backgrounds that guarantee a world class education.
I selected masters related to landscape architecture and sustainable design, because in the last 20 years the cities in Venezuela have grown into concrete jungles; there are no clear plans and laws regarding where and how cities should expand and develop. Public spaces and sustainability hasn't been a priority either, so inhabitants don't have a chance to relate to the most sensible and human part of the city.
I want to create open spaces that respond to a social context including the environmental surroundings. My plan is to rehabilitate public areas in the city, so people have a reason to go outside and connect to where they live, engaging in sustainable designs with a low carbon foot print.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444
Liseth, while I admire the experience that you have in relation to architecture and design, you accidentally misdirected the focus of the essay while discussing your previous experience. You don't have to present such a revealing discussion of your previous experience in a stand alone manner. Rather, the experience that you have has to match your interests in masters degree courses from the universities you have chosen. Speaking of the universities you have chosen, I see that you opted to choose only 2 for your essay. Since the requirement is 3 universities, you should probably go back and try to find that elusive third school that you would probably want to attend if you don't get into one of the other two.
Now, since this is a masters degree course, the universities offer similar curricula, that's why I can see why you decided to discuss the two universities in a lump. There is a better way to do this which is in line with the prompt requirements. You have to discuss each university individually and present your case for each to the reviewer in the same manner.
Maybe one university edges out the other one in terms of academics and the other has a better internship program. Maybe one combines the dream university of most architects. Whatever the reason, make sure that each university stands out as your choice for a specific, instead of generic and shared reason.
While the essay does need some revision in terms of content, I don't believe that there are major changes to be made in terms of your discussion regarding the relevance of your experience. I believe that this essay will be easier to fix than your previous ones.
Aloha, I think your essay needs more well structure, because I, as a reader, am hard to understand your flow. So, let me share my pattern which probably can help you. here is my thoughts
(1) begin to tell your main problem in your country related to your subject that you want to
(2) support your problem with your experience at work for 5 years
(3) tell more about your fascinating project that you did
(4) which skills do you want to improve in the urban-environmental if you can enroll in university
(5) explain clearly subject you want to and university you will enroll, including subject you will learn, professor who will be your supervisor, learning facilities you will use, and your project plan.
I believe in you can be accepted if you put my pattern in your essay. I hope it can be helpful
Hola Mary, thanks for your review. I took into account everything you said and this is what I came up with. feel free to post what you think about it.
Best regards from Venezuela!
I think Architecture has the ability to branch itself in different areas, that gives architects the opportunity to study diverse fields and reach solutions in a more efficient way. As a student I started to feel more interested in urban-environmental studies and sustainable architecture. I got fascinated by how urban planning impacts people's lifestyle, making cities livelier, artistic and sustainable. [...]
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444
Liseth, if you will kindly remove the first paragraph that just delivers a personal opinion on your part, I believe that the essay will be almost ready for submission. There are just a few simple tweaks that need to be done prior to submission. The major change though, will be the removal of the first paragraph.
Now, in the second paragraph, I can sense that the exposure you had on the property is one of the major factors that led to your decision to seek higher education in order to become a sustainable architect. I believe that if you make a direct reference to that, your background / academic / professional experience receives a boost of validity that is kind of short at the moment. Being a woman in a man's profession, we need to make sure that you are seen as a unique architect regardless of your gender. Once you accomplish those tasks, you will finally have the essay ready for final review and submission.
Hola Mary, thank you once again for your advice. I changed the essay according to your suggestions. this is how it looks like:
Ps: I really appreciate the time you have invested on me, I'm very gratefull!
greetings from always sunny Venezuela!
After graduating I had the chance to be part of the design team of a theme park. Working on a 14 hectares canvas became the perfect opportunity to apply sustainable principles, in a project that depended solely on the interaction with the landscape. Since it was a recreation-touristic complex, I got involved with construction regulations regarding ecological surroundings and land management. [...]
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444
Liseth, one final edit needs to be done on the essay and then you don't even have to ask me if it's ready to use. It actually will be the best version that it can be and you were the one that created it. In the second paragraph where you talk about the sense that you still have room to learn. Instead of implying that you decided to pursue the masters course because one never stops learning, say instead that you pursued a masters because you felt that you are not yet done with academia studies. It is not proper to say that one never stops learning so you decided to go back to school. One can actually continue to learn and study even without attending formal classes at an institution. Aside from that solitary revision, everything about the essay is, as far as I am concerned, perfected in a manner that only you can do. Congratulations on a job well done Liseth!