personal statement for a scholarship application
My name is XXX, an applicant from XXX. I am writing to express my desire to attend the Master's Degree Program in Management at XXX University.
I.EDUCATION AND WORK BACKGROUND
I graduated from XXX in 2013 with a good Bachelor's Degree in Accounting. Over the period at university, I had chances to explore my potential leadership when playing a role as a team leader in some projects and extracurricular activities.
In addition, due to interest in the management field, I decided to challenge myself by applying for a position at the Administration Department of a paint company as my first job after graduation. More than a year later, I stopped working there and started a new step in my career at the current company which operates in the building management services sector. At first, I got a job at the main office in the Human Resource and Administration Department. Thanked to master vital soft skills and a lot of experience, I moved up the career ladder in 2015 when I was promoted to Assistant HR manager. Afterward, from 2016 until now, I have been a project manager in a projects chain which located in XXX.
II.REASONS OF STUDYING ABROAD (IN XXX)
After 2 years of working as a project manager, besides specific experiences, I have faced challenges in terms of personnel management. The resource of highly qualified and skillful employees at all times plays a key factor in the development of companies. Nevertheless, there is an intense competition in the recruitment among enterprises that makes difficult to build a high standard team. For instance, the service sector in particular witnesses a constant fluctuation during the recruitment season which normally starts in January and September. As a result, the quality of work in this period is often at the lowest rank compared with other months in a year. On the other hand, a part of job-holders remains the passive and irresponsible status leading to poor work performance which has a negative impact on the operating progress.
Furthermore, with the rapid development of modern technology, it is predicted that machines will replace people in the future in many fields. It will put pressure on administrators to figure out new management methods which are able to keep a balance between these two factors.
In my perspective, education is the root of everything, thus it motivates me to pursue higher education in a foreign country as a next important goal, in order to enhance my horizon and officially validate my job experience. Participating in the international academic environment and being surrounded by scholars and experts as well as the fellow graduate students is one of the most precious experiences that I desire. Besides, it will give me chance to approach the hottest technologies and high-end equipment within this fields. This without a doubt is helpful to expand networking and access to more potential jobs.
After being equipped with intensive knowledge and professional skills, I have plan to return my home country and seek for opportunities of working in domestic companies. I aim to become a specialist and take contribution to the improvement of business management field.
In my first impression, Taiwan is a beautiful country with an outstanding developed economy in Asia but keeps maintaining long-standing traditional customs. I have such a great interest in Taiwan culture that I even have learned Chinese by self-study in 1 year to discover it.
Taiwan, in general, has a strong educational reputation, offers many courses taught in English. It attracts a large number of students from all over the world that has gradually formed international student communities. Living and studying here will bring me huge advantages to improve my English and Chinese day by day. XXX, in particular, which is one of the most prestigious universities in Taiwan, also has built the internationalized environment of education. There is a wide range of Management course that not only help me broaden knowledge and professional skills in business management but provide the further understanding of other aspects such as IP management and business law, Technology Strategy Management, Business development for Start-up, etc.
Finally, Taiwan offers affordable tuition fee and living cost so that students are able to focus on study program with no concern to the financial problem. With such an advanced education system and attractively living environment, Taiwan has been becoming an ideal choice for people who desire to experience and discover.
Thank for spending your precious time on my personal statement. If you need more details on my application, please contact with the following address:
XXX - XXX - XXX
First of all, as you apply for scholarship for a Master Program, you should emphasis on some ideas or research topics or future study plan in the application so that the professor can understand your interest and consider you for the scholarship.
Secondly, your application should be more concise. Because a professor hardly gets enough time to read all mail he/she receives.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,430 4691
Nguyen, your essay lacks an academic focus and a professional goal in your presentation. Half the time, you are lecturing the reviewer rather than actually presenting personal information regarding the development of your interest in this masters program. You are not even referring to the potential professional application of your academic learning in the advanced field. This statement is too broad and generalized in presentation. It is almost as if you are not certain about your reasons for your application so you cannot discuss a solid personal interest in the field of study you wish to apply in.
Your personal statement should indicate a specific set of information covering no more than 500 words. These information are:
1. Your academic background in relation to your chosen masters course. What you have done is simply present a general academic background that does not really explain why you qualify to study this particular course.
2. Your professional accomplishments that will support your claims that you are proficient enough in terms of actual practice to fully understand and accomplish the new course requirements.
3. The reason why you chose to study at a particular university. You have only explained why you chose to study in Taiwan so far and the reason for choosing the country is different from the academic motivation for choosing the university.
You must also present the essay in an essay format instead of an outline format. This needs to be smooth discussion without any breaks in presentation for sub-headlines. Use transition sentences and paragraphs instead. Right now this is a good draft but it is not totally usable due to missing elements. You need to fill in the missing parts in order to create a better second draft.
Thank for your comment, Holt. Actually, when I posted this essay, I had not finished it. But it was edited and attached in my application after that.