Study at Women's University choice. Letter of Self Introduction - The Importance of Studying Abroad

Hello. This is my letter of self introduction for KGSP. Your feedback means a lot to me.

making creative innovations for Korea and Indonesia

Some parents do not like sending their children faraway. One of the reasons is they will not be able to watch over their children closely. However, in this modern era, it is encouraged to go as far as possible to experience one's country and world. My family has moved from city to city in over 20 years, migrating at least thrice to Java and Sumatra island. It has to do with Indonesia's tradition for men to migrate outside their land for work, study and more life experiences. Throughout years, women also begin to migrate for a better living.

My father migrated in order to study and work. As my father came from an electronic engineering background, he naturally wanted me to follow his path. In my case, I always knew I wanted a different path. My infatuation with cartoons, comic books and video games eventually formed my passion in drawing since childhood. Manhwa and video games later influenced my drawing style, especially illustrator Kim Donghwa's graphic novel series and Ragnarok Online that successfully took Indonesian gamers' attentions on its early release.

My parents understood and supported my interest as they gave me their blessing to enroll as an Art and Design student at xxx in 2009. It was a tough competition as it was one of the best colleges in Indonesia and fortunately, I was able to study there. Then, I moved out of town alone for the first time to start college but it was very worth it. I had the opportunity to meet people from different places and of various ethnic groups, learn the local language and etiquette, and also became more independent. I continued as a Visual Communication Design major starting in the second year. Many valuable experiences gained, from participating in exhibitions to performing at the quadrennial Art Market event. Through networking, I got an internship at xxx design studio in Jakarta, Indonesia. Four years later, I moved out of Bandung after graduating with great academic results to start working. In 2014, I landed my first official job as a graphic designer at xxx foundation, a non-profit organization for educating teachers.

Currently, I work at Ministry of xxx, in Directorate of Industry, Tourism and Creative Economy as a graphic designer. I have visited several places in Indonesia to meet local government and institution representatives, observing their tourism objects and industry potentials for economic growth. One of many thoughts that I get after working here is Korea as a role model for Indonesia to move forward economically as both countries were in a similar poor situation in early 1970s, yet Korea excelled drastically in industrialization and high technological development. The story of Four Asian Tigers, consisted of four rising Asian states including Korea, greatly inspired me.

Besides Korea's story in becoming a developed country, Korean pop culture and creative industry caught my attention as it is on the rise recently, proving Korea's name to be more known worldwide. Based on 2013 creative industry report by World Intellectual Property Organization, Korea is number one in Asia with 9,89% GDP. Samsung as a household name has made powerful impacts globally in smartphones and more. It is also followed by innovations in Korean social networking site such as Naver LINE and KakaoTalk that are popular inside and outside Korea, with many loyal users residing in Indonesia, Thailand, Japan and more. In the past two years, Naver LINE Webtoon has influenced aspiring Indonesian artists to make their own webtoons, including myself who is a comic book enthusiast.

With all the positive aspects that I have observed about Korea, I am determined to study at xxx Women's University in Industrial Design department with Visual Communication Design and Motion Pictures field of study. I choose to study at xxx Women's University, as some of the leading designers are faculty members. Moreover, women's colleges are not common in Indonesia and Korea is notable for its high-qualified and competitive women's colleges. I believe studying at xxx Women's University will be beneficial, as all women are equal and together we will be able to face challenges. I am willing to learn, practice and share my knowledge about Korea once I am granted this KGSP scholarship. After traveling abroad for numerous times, adapting to a foreign country is one of the things I look forward to the most. I have been familiarizing myself with Korean language and culture before officially taking a course for a year upon arriving in Korea. Hopefully, I will be able to build and maintain great connections with Korean and international students, and also make creative innovations for Korea and Indonesia.

Putri, the first two sentences of your opening statement is irrelevant. That paragraph should be all about your course of life / personal background. So the idea about leaving to study does not belong in this paragraph. Instead, merge it with your current second paragraph and add some lines that discusses your mother as well and what influence she has had upon you. Discuss the combined influence of your parents on your mindset and the learning that you have collected over the 20 years that you have spent moving around your home country to create your point of view about life statement. That is missing from this essay and is a part of the letter requirement.

When you discuss your college education, indicate any awards or recognition that you received in support of your claim that you graduated from college with "great results". Such claims require evidence to be presented as part of the supporting statement. In relation to that, please collate all of your part time and full time work experiences into one paragraph or related paragraphs after your college discussion. That is so because you should make it easier for the reviewer to scan the essay for all related topic content based upon the prompt instructions.

Your motivation for studying in Korea is not very clear at the moment. I suggest that you develop a paragraph that will clearly explain that motivation. What I am getting from your essay are the "inspirations" that you get from your exposure to Korean culture and other aspects. Don't confuse "inspiration" with "motivation". The motivation should be the driving force behind your desire to study a particular subject. The reasons, explain why you want to study that subject in Korea.

The essay has hits and misses in terms of discussions. Hopefully my instructions can help you develop a better discussion and representation of your self in the self introductory letter.

@Mary Rose: Thank you so much for the feedback. I realized my mother also inspired me to draw as she is good at it and would always help me with my Art homework in elementary school. I shall add it to the opening paragraph.

I actually didn't have awards or outstanding recognitions but my cumulative GPA was over 3.3 out of 4 (the only good thing I could boast about). I did participate in other art events so I'll mention more of it.

You're right about the inspirations. I guess I was trying my best to find something that can give the impression that I was very interested in Korea but I lost what my actual motivation was. I will work on this.

It is absolutely helpful. Thank you once again for your detailed response.