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Stuned Motivation Statement: Applied engineering research for resilient coastal community

Hello everyone, I like to get some reviews regarding my essay for Stuned Scholarship application.
So, here is the criteria:

The statement should be typewritten and composed only by the applicant him/herself. Please address the following points:
·The reason why you apply for the chosen program
·What do you intend to do with your Master degree?
·And, in general, what makes you the best candidate for this scholarship

(Max. 500 words)

Applied engineering research for resilient coastal community

Coastal problems are very complex. Such disruptions are product of two-way relationship between land and the sea, affecting all adjoining area from time to time. It is a seeming endlessly dance between governing factors; tides, wave, sand, and above all: human intervention. A dynamic, rather than harmonic one. The ever-changing condition putting much pressure on community lives by the coastline. I think our vision of becoming maritime-axis nation let this one slip. What I see today is, we are still far from prepared.

Take DKI Jakarta as perfect case of a challenging one. Flood, land subsidence, fresh water scarcity, all tangled in the densest coastal region in Indonesia. As a response to this situation, the central government proposed an integrated coastal development program to ensure sustainable and long-term flood protection in Jakarta (NCICD Program). From being a government research unit, my institution is actively involved in multi-year research in supporting implementation of the program. Last year, I had the chance to present our study to Jakarta stakeholders' representatives to supplement the decision making of Jakarta bay's outer sea dike concept design. Through the occasion, I recognize that our research of applied engineering impact significantly on regulation of coastal management and infrastructure development. Further, part of our responsibility is to provide technical advice on optimum design and proper construction method for coastal protection works. Ideally, such comprehensive works must be done with guidance from those with prior experience in dealing with similar issues. The need of expertise in advanced coastal technology is growing to compensate coastal regions development in Indonesia. As young professional working in this area, I plan to take coastal engineering specialization in MSc Programme Civil Engineering (track Hydraulic Engineering) of Delft University of Technology. Dutch's continuous improvement of hydraulic technology for coastal defense system and flood-risk mitigation would be ideal to be adopted and developed in Indonesia.

By the time I finished my master study, I plan to continue to pursue my career as permanent staff in my current institution. Being in a research unit under Ministry of Public Works and Housing has its own advantage. This allows my research to contribute and implemented directly with government's regulations and public policies. Even farther, this position enables me to disseminate my expertise as coastal engineer that will be widely needed in infrastructure design and plan & management of coastal zone. Through his knowledge, the task of a coastal specialist is to stand from engineering point of view and provide technical justification in working with transdisciplinary decision makers to achieve development goals. My professional experience sufficiently gives the gist of both scientific work and bureaucracy system in present working environment. In the future, lots of improvement related to work culture and program execution efficiency could be done, that consequently would lead to higher research quality result and better technology output. I always keep in mind that governmental research is funded by community. Therefore, we are responsible in fulfilling society's right to feel the benefit of high-quality research in return.

I'd like to get your review on whether my draft has addressed the points above.
Thank you in advance for your time and attention.

Mar 13, 2018   #2
AAL, your first half of the presentation sounds more like you are presenting a lecture and a research paper than your motivation for applying to the program. A motivation is represented by your desire to help improve the current existing programs of your nation through the application of new ideas and solutions to existing problems. This motivation has to come from a professional point of view, not an academic point of view as you present here. Connect your motivation with your current profession and the problems you encounter within it in relation to the coastal community. Depict your frustration at not being able to handle the situation properly. Then explain that these are the reasons by which you are applying to the program.

While you make a strong case for how you plan to use your masters degree after completion, I do not get a strong sense of what makes you a good candidate for the program. This could be because you are referring to your professional experience but not really indicating any strong accomplishments that you have from within. As a masters degree applicant, you need to show that your professional participation has resulted in strong skills being developed on your part or a recognition of the hard work you have been doing. Without these types of information, you are not really explaining why you would make a good candidate for the program.
@rum7 you've clearly shown that you have good understanding in coastal problems in Indonesia. However, the first and half-second paragraph sounds a little not about you, but your institution. I think you need to emphasize your experience and understanding with another perspective.
@Holt and @roxwolf95,
Thank you for your comprehensive review and kind feedback. I realize the shortcoming on first half of my writing. I did replace it with personal view on the issue and my strength based on professional experience.

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