Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. Many people children suffer as a result of these changes. To what extent would you support or reject the idea of moving these subjects from school curriculum? (IELTS Practice tests with answers)
The current generation is the most competitive than the previous ones. People are crazy about success irrespective of the field they choose. Attaining the pinnacles and achieving the impossible in their chosen verticals are dreams of today's young generation. Today's world is of mobile technology and information is widely accessible and can be spread in a matter of seconds.
These days, a person without a mobile considers himself as a handicapped, because of lack of means to communicate and access the required the information immediately. Information Technology became a part of curriculum in schools, colleges, and workplace and in all disciplines. One has to be aware of operating computers. But this does not mean that it should replace other subjects like art, sports and music from the school's curriculum. These things should also be given equal importance as in par of other activities.
Each student will have his own dream to pursue, apart from the regular academics. Art is the form of expressing ones feelings. It helps to communicate the information to a wide population in the form of paintings, dance, eye movements etc. A deaf person can understand by seeing a play, likewise a blind person by listening. Music makes the person to relax, it's the form of meditation, and it improves ones memory and concentration. Sports are the most important activity for everyone. It's improves mental and physical strengths. It gives the sportive spirit, develops ones self-confidence and the ability to handle the situations even under dire circumstances. It teaches the team work, as most of the games are played in teams.
On the other hand, accessing the computers for longer durations per day makes the person lonely and helps him to live in virtual world by playing computer games and accessing internet, thereby disconnecting from the society and friends. A person will be deprived of physical activities making him weak in many aspects of social life.
In conclusion I would say, children should be encouraged to learn the information technology, but not by discarding them with other activities of their interests. Nevertheless, children should always be encouraged to indulge in art, music and sports.
Your middle para is the best out of the three. The first para usually should touch the main topic of the essay, which is not the case over here. In short, the first para should be the summary of your essay in 3 to 4 sentences.
There are some grammatical error.
Also, the first sentence of your second para talks about mobile phone and communication, which seems to be out of topic. On the contrary, you should have talked about the importance of computers, internet and software/applications