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My Suitability for The Course - Personal Statement of Exeter

niputusri 5 / 11 4  
Sep 10, 2017   #1
Dear, friends..
Kindly you give correction, feedback, and comment about grammar and coherence on my personal statement. It should be no more than circa 500 words in length, but I wrote 568 words. What to delete or improve to make it better. I highly appreciate any kind of help.

Thank you in advance..

Your personal statement should be no more than circa 500 words in length. Your personal statement should discuss:
1.Why you are applying to this degree programme;
2.Why you feel you are suited to this degree programme (and/or pathway if applicable);
3.What you would like to use the degree for post-graduation.

water engineering interest

I have always had high interest in studying water engineering. It was first evoked during my undergraduate study of Environmental Engineering at Bandung Institute of Technology and I chose to do final year research topic on rural water supply system. During my research, I evaluated and redesigned existing rural water supply system in West Java and my interest was further aroused when I worked alongside with local water companies' (PDAMs) in Indonesia. Most of PDAMs faced raw water scarcity that led to water supply reduction. The fact that only about 3.7% of utilized raw water has been used for urban puposes, moreover surface water resources have been contaminated by domestic and industry waste water. I have realized that due to my limitation, I would like to enhance my skills, which can render me become a qualified professional leader in water sector, for instance modeling analysis and integrated management. Therefore, I decide to apply Master Program of Water Engineering with Management at University of Exeter. The course not only covers engineering modules, but also provides me with management modules which will broaden my knowledge and skill to pursue my dream. By having solid foundation of modeling analysis through Programming and Hydroinformatics modules, I will be able to apply ICT by developing decision support system to solve urban water need issues. Next, learning Urban Drainage and Waste Water Management module will enhance my knowledge of managing storm water and waste water from human development area.

During my final project, I designed rural water supply distribution system using EPANET modeling tool. The application helped me to develop relevant skills on working accurately, determining a reasonable system, and adjusting technical things to make best simulation. I achieved a very high grade for my final project and I am keen to develop next research during my master study. Furthermore, my work experience at Directorate of Water Supply System Development, Ministry of Public Works and Housing of Indonesia allowed me to experience developing water supply system through all aspects. It required me to evaluate and observe water supply system comprehensively before giving aid or assistance to the selected regions in Indonesia. I wrote a report on my findings, for example PDAMs' performance, service coverage, and water resources availability, then offered technical and institutional solution, which was well received by my institution. This experience provides me with better understanding of water management issues, implications, and potential challenges in developing countries in order to propose approach to solve the problems. I convince that I am able to show my best performance in this program.

I am particularly keen to enroll in this program because of research interest and program reputation in water management. The link with university's Center for Water System will be an advantage for me to be able to learn advanced knowledge from recent development and latest research literature and outputs. The professional accreditation of this program will set me up with basic knowledge, understanding and skills to compete in globalization era reaching my future career.

By achieving MSc in this program, I would devote my knowledge on Indonesia's prioritized development to attain sustainable water management. I am going to start raising my career in consultant firm where I would put my new ability of applying simulation and integrated water management for urban development. I convince that I can make significant contribution trough leading water management project or possibly researching with government or NGO.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,039 2726  
Sep 10, 2017   #2
Ni, the best way to shorten your essay is to focus on the prompt requirements in the proper manner. That means, you need to focus on your professional traits and academic background that has prepared you to attend this particular masters course. Note that the essay prompts ask you to explain why you are suited to attend this program. In response to that, you need to show a sense of familiarity with the course curriculum. Justify your preparedness by mentioning a particular course in relation to a previous subject you took in college or a particular work exposure / experience that is right up your alley when it comes to a student's understanding of the course requirements. You wrote the essay too much in terms of a personal statement that does not consider the prompt requirements. If you just narrow down the focus of the essay to the 3 topics for discussion, you should have this essay done within 200 - 300 words. Don't include unnecessary discussions such as your college project and what those requirements were. If it doesn't directly respond to something the prompt is asking for, delete it. Just stick to representing the prompt requirements and your essay will shorten itself.

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