I need your feedback to improve my statement for applying AAS. I really appreciate your time and effort, and you can be frank.
Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?
I chose the course Master of Applied Science (Environmental Management and Spatial Science) at University of Tasmania (UTAS) because it is relevant to my academic background. I studied forestry for a bachelor's degree which is propped up by studies in environmental science, policy, as well as environmental management like the course offered by UTAS. However, the course is not only at postgraduate level but also combines spatial science. No other university offers these two studies in single degree. The course provides in-depth spatial analysis knowledge and skill such as three extents of unit course named Environmental Geographic Information System A, B, C and provides with computing equipment such as drone lab. I need this advanced skill because sometimes I encounter a shortcoming as a land surveyor dealing with data needed to be acquired and processed by geospatial techniques. I want to pursue a career in land use planning; therefore, since I graduated last November, I took temporary/contract work as a vegetation assessor and land surveyor as well as proposed the course wishing to develop spatial analysis skills to continue growing to the next stage in my career.
My second choice is Master of Environment at The Australian National University (ANU). It is because the course also can accommodate me to pursue a career in environmental sustainability topic of land use planning. Not only does the course provide a broad range of cross-disciplinary subjects to expose me to diverse perspectives on current and emerging environmental issues, but also allows me to suit my area of interest and specialize in geography that has a unit study called Advanced Remote Sensing and GIS (Geographic Information System), a useful and important tool in land use planning. For personal reason why I chose ANU, they have a supportive teaching environment with a low student/staff ratio that I hope I would be more engaged with teachers as well as peers.
The first passage is strong statement and logical. But the second passage seems like weak and needs more supporting statement. Also, 'For personal reason why I chose ANU,' I would just use 'Furthermore,' instead.
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Your essays do not provide any relevant connection between your course choices and your current career requirements. Your undergraduate course is irrelevant at this point as you are applying to receive a masters degree scholarship. A scholarship whose requirement is that you have at least 2 years work experience in the field that you are applying for a scholarship to study in. Unless you can prove the timeliness of your studies, its relevance to your chosen career path, and an explanation as to why you value these advances studies in relation to your current career requirements, your response does not properly represent the required responses.
It would be better if you actually supply informative responses to the questions because right now, your responses are either irrelevant or so vague that the reviewer will not take your application seriously. Focus on the relevance of your course choices to your current career or path going forward. Be specific, explain in as much detail as you can without going over the character limit.
Do not use personal reasons for choosing the university. Your reasons should only be based on academic and professional considerations. Both of which should strengthen the reasons for your first and second university choices. The reviewer really doesn't care about your personal reasons and personal reasons are never an acceptable reason to present in this essay. You should be specific such as "My sibling attended the same university, which influenced my desire to make it my first choice university.", or something along those lines.
You have a big point. Thank you much! I came to an epiphany