Hi everyone! I need your help to give me a feedback for my Chevening Networking Essay. Your feedback will be much appreciate.
Chevening is looking for individuals with strong professional relationship-building skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Please explain how you build and maintain relationships in a professional capacity, using clear examples of how you currently do this, and outline how you hope to use these skills in the future. (minimum word count: 100 words; maximum word count: 500 words)
the added value
It is said that the connections we make at college will be beneficial to our professional lives. I can attest to this fact. Through the network that I built with my lectures in the first semester at the university to help his project as a Research Assistant. Then, through this network, my lecturer promoted me to the faculty to aid community-development projects held by university. For example, guidance civil servant to create spatial and a-spatial databases in Pamulang sub-district and create population database in remote areas namely Kemang sub-district. Furthermore, my function in this project not only as a Research Assistant but also as a facilitator so I can explore my leadership, analytical thinking and ability to solve problems. Additionally, through this project I was able to create an ever growing network of professional and personal contacts with local authorities, who are willing to help me if I need research data for those areas.
The problem that I face at the university regarding networking is the absence of a Student Executive Board. So, it prevents me to expand my network. Consequently, I join organization outside the campus for volunteer activities namely Indorelawan. Moreover, the activities I have participated in, such as #CleanUpJakartaDay, development of education and health for children in the scavenger villages, collaborating with Jakarta Smart City in data collecting for SME in Jakarta and becoming a Trafi application surveyor to provide real time information for various types' urban transportation modes.
In addition, I expand my network in volunteer by participating international volunteer activity held by UN, Tanzania Development Trust and Crowd2map in mapping projects aiming to put rural Tanzania on the map to help girls in the Serengeti region from Female Genital Mutilation. Having better maps helped prevent 2257 girls from being cut in the 2016/7 cutting season. 1076 girls were cut, down from 3700 the previous year, and 4 girls edited, down from 12 last year.
Besides of international network in mapping projects, I had built an international network when I worked at the Singapore Embassy in Jakarta. During my work at the embassy I had the opportunity to build my networking with people at the top level such as diplomats from various countries, international organizations and ministries. In order to maintain our solid relationships, we held Embassies Gathering and Singapore National Day event. Additionally, through those events I have relationship with diplomats, ministries staffs, entrepreneurs and local staff from various embassies. Thankfully, with a strong networking combine with experience mention above, I was able to get my current job in the petrochemical industry.
I believe that, networking is nothing without added value. As a prospective Chevening Scholar, I plan to engage other scholars, alumni and my network who share similar passions in sustainable development to develop peripheral areas (3T) in accordance with President Jokowi's Nawacita (development agenda) for a better Indonesia. Lastly, as a Chevening Alumni, I will actively participate in the Indonesian Chevening Alumni Association to strengthen relationships among the United Kingdom, alumni and scholars.@imhana
Hey there! Glad to see people who are returning to the forum. I hope this feedback becomes helpful to you. Good luck as well in your application for Chevening!
A few things. Firstly, while the introductory paragraph gave quite a decent glimpse as to what people should anticipate while waiting, I find that you need to be able to utilize your writing in a more intensive manner. What this means is adding more spice and dynamism to your writing. You could have separated the first two sentences with the chunk of text after it as this portion is truly more of a hypothetical thing than anything else.
Be cautious as well of your usage of punctuation marks. Ensure that you're appropriately placing them as this can impact the entirety of your writing.
Your concluding paragraph also needs a bit more work. Consider that it is critical that you have a more manageable outlook in your writing. Be more organized when you are making your analysis as this can impact how your writing will be wrapped up and perceived/read by the evaluators.
