Why I take master of agribusiness? AAS Aplication

MY OPTIONS - The Unversity of Queensland AND melbourne University

The following are the reasons why I propose master of agribusiness. Firstly, I am an oyster mushroom entrepreneur. This master relates to my current profession. I am convinced that it is the most appropriate one to lead me to become a great agricultural entrepreneur. Through studying the courses provided, I would like to broaden and enrich my knowledge in building a marketing network of agricultural products that are independent, advanced, and effective. I also want to improve my competence to face the challenges of agricultural market competition. So I will have the ability to compete and create a fair marketing chain. Secondly, I am an active member of Banten Mushroom Farmers Cooperative, an organization established by mushroom farmers. In 2018 until the end of 2019, I served as a regional coordinator to assist 14 members. I want to contribute to advance our organization. Therefore, I am motivated to gain more knowledge and insight about human resource management, leadership, and other related courses. I believe that the in this master is appropriate to support me to be a competent leader of our organization.

These are my reasons why I propose The Unversity of Queensland as my first option because it provides master of agribusiness offering essential subjects that suit my goals and needs, such as leadership in rural industries, effective stakeholder engagement, and value chain management. It also provides an agribusiness research project which can enrich my research skills although this major is coursework. Moreover, based on QS World University, this university is the best in agriculture in Australia. University Melbourne becomes second option because the master of agribusiness at this university provides beneficial courses that will support my future careers, such as business strategy, leadership, managing markets, and human resource management. This major does not only conduct studies in the class but also provides an opportunity for its students to carry out minor research project. I believe that it will improve and broaden my skill and knowledge in market and agribusiness research. University Melbourne also has an excellent campus system including library facilities, international student supports services, and a curriculum that will help me to get more insight.

Your reasons as provided sound more like resume outlines instead of valid qualifications .You need to better explain your wwork experience in relation to the chosen courses. Perhaps provide a more detailed relationship or application of the courses to your professional future. Review the other essay prompts for the application and you will discover that you have accidentally included the discussion topics for those prompts in this essay. Topics such as your future goals and practical examples were accidentally included in this essay.

Remove the reference to university rankings in this presentalion as that isn't considered an important factor when choosing the university. The public ranking you read about is not a deciding factor for the review committee. Divide the university presentations into 2 paragraphs to allow the reviewer to gain a clear understanding of each discussion. Your explanations are a bit curt and could use further informational support. Do that after editing the portions that should not be included here. Just to be sure you remain within the word character requirements.

Hi There,

I think you need to work more into the essay structure. One of my suggestion would be:
1. Your personal reason for taking the course: this could be related to your current employment (I know you mention this, but I merely understand why. You need to deep dive into the reason, for example, there are some obstacles you might find in your job or they're probably some of the community that you want to develop) remember to write as precisely as possible. and since this is your "drive"/ motivation you should be able to explain in a specific way.

2. Maybe you need to do some of the research and elaborate the course with the qualification that you might obtain if you study there and some university clubs/internships that might be beneficial for you as graduate students. It would be great as well if you can mention the "why this university and not other universities" since there are a lot of other campuses that have the master of agribusiness.

thank you

Dear Holt, thank you a million for your invaluable support
I highly appreciate your comments and will certainly use them to further improve my essay.
Thank you.
Thank you @Ratudestiani, your suggestions are important for me.