Hello Everyone. Please help me review my Essay. Thank you in advance.
Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Please outline your immediate plans upon returning home and your longer term career goals. You may wish to consider how these relate to what the UK government is doing in your country.
my short, medium, and a long-term plan
By completing master degree in UK, I will gain more knowledge, skills, experiences, and network. I will have the chance to study the process of policy making of developed countries, and outcomes and problems when implementing policy. Therefore, my short term plan after completing graduate study, I will pursue a career that allows me to work with policy making so as to make a positive impact in Indonesia. I want to implement my knowledge by becoming policy advisor in the field of science and technology for my government by joining think thank group or Ministry of Communication and Information Technology of the Republic of Indonesia. Providing strong policy recommendation to support development of Indonesian technology because I realized that development need more than just a plan but a well prepared strategy. In creating astonishing innovation, a perfectly stable environment is needed and yet those environment could only be established by generating strong policy and strategy. I want Indonesia could learn from developed country such as UK and US in term of technological development and management. I realized that maintaining relationship between UK and Indonesia are very important in promoting cooperation for science and technology since both country have the same vision and already agreed to increase cooperation in technology and innovation.
And my medium term plan is with stronger analytical thinking I achieved, Enhanced by various solid courses from the scholarship, I would like to write and publish academic journal in the field of science and technology studies. And by completing graduate study will also give me opportunity to teach in various university, sharing my experience, knowledge and skills with young citizens of my country and contribute in educating public mindset about the importance of science and technology. Lecturing to improve the understanding of science and technology urgency for the Indonesia stability and development. I have a strong belief in the power of technology for economic development. I believe with technology the people's life can be better.
From a long-term plan, I want to make Indonesia one step forward in the field of science and technology. Coordinating with other Chevening alumni in Indonesia, I want to develop a better access of digital technology for rural region in Indonesia therefore people will get easy access of information, education will be better in order to actualize the economic equity in all regions of Indonesia. I believe that Chevening scholarship will help me to achieve this points of my career plan.
hi here are some corrections that i will point out those:
1- in the first paragraph first line( by completing a master's degree in the UK)
2- Network is not interesting in the line of skills, experiences and ...
3- in the first paragraph third line( therefore, my short plan...)( this sentence is completely confusing , maybe you missed some grammatical points)
4- think thank group ( Think Thank )
6- a strong policy ( or strong policies ...)
7- in the second paragraph (Enhanced) (enhanced)
8- again in the second paragraph ( academic journal)( an academic or academic journals)
9-again (various university)(universities)
your essay is not ready to submit right now but if you bring some changes it will be more efficient and strong.
at the first you should have a general speaking for Indonesia, your field, challenges, needs, but not so general, point out something that you will discuss.
and then try to write one paragraph short term plan (1-5) and then longer term plan plan so specific.
in my opinion your last paragraph which is long term plan is really general, i as a reviewer, this paragraph is not interesting for me and its a negative point for you because its not specific its just thoughts.
i recommend you to start another essay but keep your opinions that you mentioned here because its good for you but if you write in a good manner.
keep two points in writing this essay.
1- try to write so specific
2- try to write smooth
after this you will have an efficient and strong essay.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,249 4652
Guntomo, don't tell the reviewer what you hope to learn after your studies in the UK. That is not the point of the post study plan. The post study plan is meant to help the reviewer understand the overall requirement that you have for wishing to complete your studies in the UK. Specifically, how the course will help you advance your career over the next 5 years. You may want to also consider how the UK has any special projects in your country that directly tie into your masters degree studies. The prompt for the post study plan requires you to create a post study or career plan that will give you the opportunity to pay back the scholarship program by helping them promote their objectives in accordance with existing UK projects in your country. You do not have that mentioned in your essay at the moment. If you cannot make the connection then, from my experience helping previous Chevening scholars, it becomes more difficult for you to win the scholarship.
Revise your essay to start with your mid range plans then write a paragraph about the existing UK projects that you can aim to assist in or help promote through a collaborative effort with the profession you are practicing. That will be sure to strengthen the essay presentation for your post study plan.