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Tell us about something that may help us evaluate your nomination - need to enhance this response.


brayan1996 17 / 35 5  
Jan 5, 2016   #1
Is there anything else you would like to tell us about that may help us evaluate your nomination (i.e., personal characteristics, obstacles you have overcome)?

I grew up in the West Farms neighborhood of the Bronx, a place where drugs, alcohol and crime were a daily plague on the community. As a result, I have struggled to trust people and make friends, because I do not want to be influenced by the negativity that surrounds me. Another reason why I stay away from the negativity around me is to prevent myself from being bullied. I have always feared being ostracized from a group simply because I have opened up and shared my life with the world. For this reason, I have never had the courage to speak about the world I come from. No matter how hard I push myself to open up to new people, I worry that I might get hurt.

Being an immigrant is one of the reasons why I fear opening up to new people. I have seen how people treat immigrants and the many obstacles they face in the United States. As a child of two immigrant parents, I know what it means to not be able to see your parents for hours that seem to go on without end. The worst part is realizing that they have to work long hours and multiple jobs not only to support a family of four in America, but also the family left behind. This is the harsh reality I had to face during my first years in America. I saw how my parents debilitated themselves night after night just to get food on the table. I also had to adapt to the idea of relying on myself and no one else. In a country where people could care less about what happens to you, learning to accept the reality of not having anyone to help you was quite shocking. For this reason, I was forced to grow up faster than normal. I was forced to take on adult responsibilities at the age of thirteen years old. By working at the local supermarket, I was able to financially help my parents.

Living in America as an immigrant has helped me grow up and taught me many things. One of those things is the importance of family. In my life, I have learned from my parents what it means to be respectful, and to dream big. When I think of my parents, I appreciate all my parents have given me despite their limitations. For example, they have always helped me study, despite their own inability to read and write in Spanish or English. They are the ones who have given me the purpose to work hard for my goals. Having them as role models helps keep me moving forward.

Apart from the support I have received from my parents, the lessons they have taught me have allowed me to appreciate life from a different angle. For example, not so long ago, my father was released from his job due to the closing of his factory. My mother had to work double shifts in order to earn enough money to pay the rent at the end of every month. I also had to dedicate part of my schedule to working part time as a tutor. This experience taught me the importance of sticking together as a family when facing hard times. She once told me, that a person's character is not judged on the qualities and/or abilities of that person, but rather on how well that person stands after falling. In this situation, we had fallen as a family. However, we still managed to get up and continue working hard despite how impossible it seemed.

Such is the world I come from. A world that has given me very little in material things, but an abundance in lessons and opportunities. All of these experiences have contributed to making me someone who persists, no matter the obstacles I face.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jan 14, 2016   #2
Brayan, with the above remarks and corrections, you should be able to revise pretty well.

What I notice in your essay is the fact the it is written in such a precise way, very neat and formal,
not to mention that you also have a very good eye on putting words together where they dim fit.
It is a good practice to know and be able to coordinate your words the way you want the essay
is to be read by your readers.

Moreover,the length of the essay is also good, not so crowded and not tiring to read.
Grammar wise, there is a room for improvement and practice leads to perfection.
I also like the fact that you chose a quiet sentimental topic in your essay rather than
a normal or a usual topic for this essay.

I wish you the best of luck and do let us know if you need further assistance.


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