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Think about two or three adjectives that best describe you.


tamu 2 / 4 2  
Jun 29, 2019   #1
IF YOU DON'T HAVE TIME, PLEASE PROOF READ AT LEAST THE INTRO AND THE CONCLUSION. THAN YOU!!!!

transparent, resilient and funny



When I was in middle school, I thought to myself that one day I will have a child and he/she will act just like me. I remember saying to my heart that I better behave well now because I do not want bad kids. One can only hope that their child will grow up to be a wonderful adult. Truthfully, I am not the most wonderful adult that I know, but I am a sincere friend who is transparent, resilient, and funny. I hope those qualities continue to affect the people around me and the future generation.

The word "transparent" describe me because the environment or people does not change me to have different personalities. Whether my friends see me at home, at church, or at a grocery store, I act the same way. I used to strive for perfection in high school. I used to put on fake smiles all the time when I am volunteering for some church event. However, as I mature through difficult circumstances in life, I began to see the beauty in the vulnerability and genuineness of a person.

In my junior year of high school, my dad was critically ill in the hospital, and I had my very first breakup at that time. I was overwhelmed with many emotions, and one friend accidentally caught me crying in a small practice room in the band hall. As she talked to me, I realized that many people are going through hardships that are different than mine but are feeling the same way. Being transparent connected us instantly in a wonderful and caring way. Since then, I have changed that I do not put on fake smiles, but I am able to speak about what is bothering me. I am able to ask for help and not be embarrassed about the fact that my life can be messy at times. At Club Resurrection, where I hold the position as the president, I openly share my faults to inspire others about how I have overcome them. I am consistent with myself wherever I am, whoever I am with because being transparent brought me a chance to make true and good relationships.

The word "resilient" describes me because I did not give up on seeking higher education. I am a GED graduate, who was ranked number one in class before getting the certificate. I had to get the high school diploma quickly, so that I could take a break in my senior year to be with my dad in Korea. As I was leaving the United States, I remember being so sad about not being in the prom or graduation ceremony. When my dad passed that year, nothing was upsetting then except the loss of my dad.

Honestly, I was not motivated to go back to school, but I was blessed with good friends. They challenged me to use my talents and achieve great things in life. Using material science engineering in medical application is what I want to do. I didn't want to waste this talent, when I can use it to help so many lives.

The lack of financial support for my education was evident, but it did not discourage me from reaching my goal. I studied every semester as though this is my last semester. There were times when I went to class for 9am to 4pm and went to work at the school library 4pm to 9pm. Every paycheck, scholarships, and awards encouraged me to keep going forward. I plan to keep persevering with diligence and walk down the graduation ceremony.

Lastly, the word "funny" describes me. My reaction makes others laugh because I have a child-like heart. I am genuinely excited for the simplest things. One time I went to a very expensive restaurant for my friend's graduation party. I had this fancy dish where the tomato was cut once horizontally near the stem part, so it looked like a small teapot or a jewelry box. In the restaurant, my face had a delightful expression, which already caught people's attention, and I said excitedly, "Do you think there's something inside?" My eyes were twinkling, and everyone was watching as I lifted the top with my fork. The inside was just cut up tomatoes. Well, that was not what I was expecting, but the crowd loved my show. My puzzled face must have been funny. It made me happy that I got to bring joy to the table.

Being transparent helped me build true and good friendships. Resilience lead me to come back to United States to dream big. Humor brings joy to others. These characteristics describes me, and I hope to use these characters to influence others and the next generation.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jun 29, 2019   #2
@tamu
Hello there. Let me try my best to help you.

Firstly, there were portions of your text that were lacking appropriate punctuation. The first sentence, for instance, should have been sub-divided into smaller portions to help you create more dynamism. Speaking of the technicalities of writing, you had also lacked a few of the fundamental grammatical dispositions that should be followed when you are writing. Try to focus more on substantiating alongside the necessary imposed writing rules. Always review your grammar references.

Furthermore, improving your writing also means learning how to organize your thoughts in a more fluid and smoother manner. You can usually tell when these instances are fluid when you can notice that there are blocks of text that pave way for you to have an open discussion about these words that you are using.

You also have to look at the imbalances that are in your writing. A put-together cluster of texts should appear to have a more symmetrical superficial view for your writing.

Overall, I still find your writing sufficient. There were lapses that could be filled in to create a more substantial outlook. Otherwise, you were able to satiate the fundamental question posed by this inquiry.

Best of luck in your writing as always.
OP tamu 2 / 4 2  
Jun 29, 2019   #3
@Maria
Hey Maria, could you possibly help me more specifically? Maybe, just my intro if you can. I would really appreciate that a lot. Sure, if you make this thread Urgent, I'll help again.


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