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Three adjectives have followed me throughout life - philanthropic, creative, and intercultural.


dozazgirl 1 / 2  
Jan 13, 2015   #1
In elementary school, creative meant constructing a Barbie Guillotine.

Like a crazy nickname from childhood, three adjectives have followed me throughout life - philanthropic, creative, and intercultural. In preschool, philanthropic meant sharing my snack with the kid next to me. In elementary school, creative meant constructing a Barbie Guillotine. In middle school, intercultural meant hosting Japanese students. As I changed and grew, so did the adjectives to describe me. Today, I am philanthropic through Girl Scouts, Key Club, Leo Club, and other volunteer services. I am creative in school projects, internships, and volunteer events. I am intercultural through foreign language classes, attending Chinese Academy, and organizing an Ethnic Festival. At first, these three adjectives were separate parts of me. Now, they have combined to form a personal "nickname" for myself and I proudly vow to keep it with me for life.

Hi! This is one of the prompts for the Annika Rodriguez Scholarship for WashU: List 3 adjectives to describe yourself and briefly tell why you chose each adjective.

Please let me know how it reads, grammar, context, and if it sounds good. I think the beginning and end need some work, so if you have any suggestions...please let me know!

Thank you for all your help! (PS. The essay has to stay under 150 words...yikes!)
vincenm 11 / 26  
Jan 14, 2015   #2
I like your essay. I can't find anything bad about it.

I have only 1 problem
"At first, these three adjectives were separate parts of me. Now, they have combined to form a personal "nickname" for myself and I proudly vow to keep it with me for life."

You mentioned: (charity/community service) Girl scouts , volunteer (creative ) and foreign language classes (inter-cultural).

How are inter-connected as you mentioned in the highlighted sentence. I dont see it.

It still looks like the previous sentences. Maybe you can say that you volunteered as a girl scout at a fund raising event for the Chinese Academy .

This example I gave shows an inter-connection of the 3 adjectives in 1 single event.

Try to work on that. Good job nonetheless!


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