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Essay Topic: The Box and Johnny


oregontrunk 2 / 3  
Feb 25, 2011   #1
The prompt for this essay was, "The Box".
I would greatly appreciate any comments/feedback, thanks!

"Oh, Mommy, guess what the postman brought to our door this morning!" Johnny exclaimed to his mother. "Well, hmm, let me think," replied Johnny's mother. "Did he bring us a letter from Grandma, a message from your Uncle Bob?" "No," Johnny was quick to respond, "he brought us a box!" "A box!" Johnny's mother exclaimed, "I don't know what it could be. Why don't you go ahead and open it?"

With great anticipation and excitement, Johnny tore the box open, only to find nothing inside it, or so he thought. "There's nothing inside the box," Johnny wailed to his mother. "Are you sure?" she replied, "Look very closely, for you never know what treasures might lie hidden inside a box!" So Johnny carefully peaked inside the box, and to his disbelief, he pulled out an old diary hidden underneath one of the flaps of the box. The old diary was entitled, "The Forgotten Box".

With great care, Johnny slowly picked up the diary, and began to read the first few pages: "Long ago, three wise brothers debated what mankind's greatest endowment is. Thorb Andrews, the oldest brother of the lot, claimed that man's greatest faculty is collaboration. Brew, the youngest brother, claimed that ingenuity is man's greatest attribute. Keaton, who was the middle child, claimed that man's simplicity is his greatest endowment. For days, the brothers debated what man's greatest innate ability is; finally they came to an agreement. They conceded that each one of them had identified an important human attribute, and that each one was equally important. In light of this realization, the brothers decided they needed to come up with an object that portrayed each one of their viewpoints. Being some of the first humans to use teamwork to accomplish great things, the brothers came up with the idea of the box."

"What's in the diary?" Johnny's mother asked. "Oh, something about three brothers and their ideas", Johnny replied, and continued reading. "The brothers had each pondered the great ingenuity it must have taken to design the wheel, which is an adaptation of a circle. Determined that they could come up with an ingenious use of the square, they put their heads together, and came up with the box as the object representing man's collaboration, ingenuity, and simplicity. Not only was the box very ingenious, but it was also very simple. By simply putting straight pieces of cardboard together to form a cube, the brothers were able to store contents that otherwise would spread all over the place. Thus, their shared ideas that led to the invention of the box illustrated the value of teamwork. As time went on, however, people began to forget how something as simple as the box was created. Eventually, war began to break out in the world, as people began to forget how to work as a team; thus collaboration among mankind collapsed. Then, one day, Sir Tadd Karson discovered the story of how the brothers went about building the box. Sir Tadd Karson then printed pamphlets to share the brothers' story, and distributed them throughout the world, each one enclosed in a tiny box, (the equivalent of a Whitman's Chocolate box, in today's world). If you receive this diary and read through it, know that you are being called to promote the brothers' work, and to spread the message of the greatest endowments of mankind, to those who need to rediscover them."

Sheepishly, Johnny asked his mom if she had ever hear of the Andrews brothers. To his surprise, she responded by saying, "A long time ago, when I was about your age, I heard my friends talking about the Andrews brothers. They credited them with pinpointing man's greatest attributes, and I thought it was a whole lot of nonsense. Then, one day, I too received a box in the mail, with the diary of The Forgotten Box. Through reading the diary, I learned that my friends were right about the Andrews brothers. Furthermore, I looked deep inside my heart and discovered that I could do a whole lot more to utilize my endowments. The next time I was assigned to work on a school project in a group, I ensured that I was doing the best I could to make a contribution to my teammates' project, and that I was being a good team member. After I graduated, I went into the field of engineering, and utilized my natural ingenuity to create inventions the world had never seen before, and much less ever thought about. Thus, where I am going with this is that now it is your turn to carry on the legacy of the Andrews brothers. Although you are young, it is never too late for you to begin contributing to society. The first thing you can do is ensure you are giving yourself a fair chance at your education. In order to unlock man's natural treasures, you first need to find the key that will open the treasure chest containing them. The key necessary to unlock the chest is your education.

Johnny replied, "So the treasure chest containing man's treasures is much like the box the Andrew's brothers created? Being as the brothers created the box with their own natural gifts including invention, ingenuity, and simplicity?"

"Precisely" Johnny's mother replied, "You are well on your way to understanding the nature of the world. Now, you can begin to share with your friends the nature of the box as I have done with my friends. To ensure that our society upholds man's greatest natural talents, 'you must be the change you want to see in the world,' as Mahatma Gandhi once said."

"It's going to be tough to inform my friends about the Andrews story," Johnny replied, "but I guess someone has to do it. After all, there have been many great leaders in our world who faced embarrassment and opposition because they let their opinions be known. However, I guess this is for the betterment of society."

"What have you learned through all of this so far, Johnny?"

Johnny replied, "Things would be a lot easier in life if I looked at everything once and didn't look back!" Seeing his mother's eyebrows rising, Johnny quickly added, "Just kidding Mom, I learned that in order to be successful in life, I should always look at things from more than one viewpoint, or I might miss something really important. Such as that diary in the box that will change my life forever. I'm glad I discovered the diary of The Forgotten Box."
osveh 1 / 1  
Feb 25, 2011   #2
it has a good organization but what is your idea to write it in a differnt models.lots of repeatation of name and verb can loos the reader interesting
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 4, 2011   #3
Sheepishly, Johnny asked his mom if she had ever hear heard of the Andrews brothers.

I think that correction above is just because you had a typo...
In the rest of the essay, you used excellent grammar! This is a great story. How did you come up with it?

So, is it supposed to be a story, or were you allowed to write any kind of essay? You are a great writer...

If possible, you should find a way to create more tension in the beginning, so that some pressing matter needs to be resolved. You already did that to an extent, but the excitement of any story depends on how much tension you can build.

:-)


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