Transformative effect of learning experience.

Please help me review this:

Q: we want mastercard scholars to continue to learn and develop as individuals at the university of edinburgh. How will this learning experience be transformative for you?

what to gain at The University of Edinburgh

The University of Edinburgh has a rich multicultural society which I hope to benefit a lot from. Learning in a multicultural environment will expose me to diverse cultures and traditions from around the globe giving me a better understanding of other people's culture, beliefs and values. This will to a great extent help me tolerate others more and build long lasting relationships. Interacting with people with different socio-cultural background could also go a long way in building my interpersonal and social skills.

When one learns in a multicultural environment his train of thought is broadened than usual. After this learning experience I don't only stand a chance of having the scope of my thoughts widened but I also gain international exposure in preparation for the global marketplace.

The flexible 4yr degree structure at the University of Edinburgh will help me know my strengths and weaknesses, this way I will be able to tailor my degree accordingly and know where to specialize in. learning for me will take a new dimension unlike learning in my home country which has been hectic and tiresome so far.

I also hope to see an improvement on my leadership skills after the transformative leadership program that will be organized by the MasterCard foundation.
At the end of the learning experience I believe I would be leaving Edinburgh with; a rich knowledge of diverse cultures, a broadened mind and a couple of life changing skills that will contribute immensely to my career and future endeavors.

Ameh, aside from the multicultural learning environment, how do you hope to be transformed by the learning experience at the university? How do you hope to learn better there than in your country? What aspects of the university do you hope to tap into which will create a more learned person in yourself? Do not mention the transformative leadership program of Mastercard since you do not show any inclination towards developing your leadership skills at the university. That disconnects from the focus that you have which is only centered on diversity and tolerance. You need to show an idea of how you expect to have an overall transformation while at the university. The overall transformation should also focus on developing, not only who you are as a person, but also as potential leader in your marketplace. As an individual, what do you hope to learn from your peers and your professors? You need to focus at least half of the essay on the learning experience as well. Not just the academic.