Hello EssayForum! I'm browsing around for a while and found several thread that also have the same problem with me. But since I'm also planning to join KGS program this year, I want some suggestion from you about my Self-Introduction essay. Thank you in advance!
o Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
o Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
o Your motivations for applying for this program
o Reason for study in Korea
Most people define an achievement as an award or an accomplishment they could be proud of. But for me, an achievement goes beyond that idea. I always remind my self that an achievement is not only for me to enjoy but also for both my parents, family and society. That is how an achievement define me to be a useful person for other people around me. Since I was a kid I always want to help other people. I was a Dokcil (little doctor) in my elementary school but since then I realized that blood is not my thing. Then I was a scout member in my junior high school and a SISPALA member (student who honoured the environment) in my senior high school. Beside that, I always tried to get enrolled in the best school in my city so that my family and my neighbor can be proud of me.
Armed with my desire I decided pursue my bachelor degree in Civil and Environmental Engineering, XXX. As a student in Civil and Environmental Engineering, I actively joined several organizing committees i.e., talk show, competitions and conferences. I joined a student research group with several architectures student. I was also an active officer at Office of International Affair-Student Chapter and also one of the Person in Charge for English Club in XXX. Besides those activities, I dedicate myself to be a laboratory assistant on several subjects such as Soil Mechanics II, Deep Foundation, Matrix Method of Structural Analysis and Design of Civil Engineering Structures (Transportation). It was a delightful experience as I finally found my passion in my education that is on transportation field because it related to most of our daily activities thus makes it so important for us. My final project discussed about the application of In-Town Check-In service in local railway station. I took one of the references from the service that operated in Seoul Station. That would be one of the reason why I want to study in South Korea. After completing my bachelor's degree with GPA 3.63 of 4, I got the honour to be a presenter in the 18th International symposium of Indonesian Inter-University Transport Studies Forum in Bandar Lampung. Thereafter, I am joining some on going transportation project runs by government in several regions in Indonesia with my lecturer.
However, my country, Indonesia, is a developing country that still has a lot of problem in the field of transportation system. We barely have adequate public transportations even in the capital city. We also dealing with congestions and air pollutions in our everyday lives. Whilst a good transportation system is needed to increase nation's economic, cut down energy consumption, preserve the environment and many more beneficial aspects. Thus I am so eager to explore more about transportation system and planning. My dream is to become a professor in transportation planning and modeling so that I can contribute to the transportation problems solving in my country. Getting a master's degree in South Korea is one of my biggest dream. It will open my eyes to a lot of new areas of transportation planning since South Korea is one of the well-known leading countries in the transportation field. It will also help me to get a good start on the advanced topic in the urban and transportation field in order to achieve my dream.
Hi, Via..
Glad to know that you applying for KGSP too!
Hopely we can meet, someday~ ^^
Firstly, let me help you about a little.
I always remind my self (MYSELF) that an achievement is ...
That is how an achievement defines me to be a useful ...
Since I was a kid (,) I always ...
I was a Dokcil (little doctor) in my elementary school (,) but since then ...
Then I was a scout member in (AT) my junior high school and a SISPALA member (student who honoured (HONORED) the environment) in my senior high school.
Armed with my desire I decided to pursue my bachelor degree ...
... joined several organizing committees, i.e., talk show, competitions and conferences.
... group with several architectures students . I was also an active officer at (the) Office of International ...
Besides those (these) activities, I dedicate myself ...
... passion in my education that is on the transportation field because it related...
... the application of In-Town Check-In service in (AT) local railway station.
That would be one of the reasons why I want ...
... I got the honour(HONOR) to be a presenter in(AT) the 18th International S ymposium of Indonesian ...
Thereafter, I am joining some on going (ONGOING) transportation project ...
... country that still has a lot of problems in the field of transportation system.
We are also dealing with congestions and air ...
Whilst a good transportation system is needed to increase (A) nation's economic, cut ...
Thus (,) I am so eager to ...
... Korea is one of my biggest dreams .
Thank you Riris!
Your help means a lot to me. I'll correct it right away.
But how about the whole essays' composition, does it sound convincing enough? is there any suggestion about that?
Hi Via, after reading your essay, I'll try to give you some suggestion to be considered.
In my opinion, you did quite well about explaining your education & experiences. But it would be better if you explain more about why you wan't to study in Korea and your motivation for applying this program so it become convincing enough for them to choose you.
Besidesthat , I always tried to (...) my family and my neighborpeople around me can be proud of me. (I don't think you need to mention that you tried to get enrolled in the best school to get your neighbor's proud of you. Well, it's just my opinion. You may take it or not :))
Armed with my desire(,) I decided pursue my bachelor degree ...
... found my passion in my education that is on transportation field, because it related..
That would beis one of the reasons why I want to study in South Korea.
Thus(,) I am so eager to explore more ...
My dream is to become a professor in transportation planning and modeling professor so that I can contribute more to the solution of transportation problems solving in my country.
I hope this helps you :)
