Hello I would like to apply for GKS Undergraduate this year and this is my essay. please correct me if there are error grammars and misspelling. Every feedback will be helpful for me :)
By the way, the majors that I choose here is Creative Writing Major
GKS Undergraduate application - Personal Statement
In the wink of an eye, my sister punched me unusual existence that never crossed my mind before. Back then, I was yet seven years old when she showed me a world map. It was stunning to picture the whole world from a sheet of paper. Then she pointed to our province where we lived, North Sumatera, which was only a small area of such a huge map. Afterward, my sister said, "You're born here and going to school, growing till adult, working, getting married, and then dying here. Do you wish to spend the rest of your life here when the world's so wide and you never have any chances to go? What a pity.".
My name is Ummi and I am nineteen years old. I have a dream to go abroad like I said above but being born in the average family background put me in a tough situation and the existence of pandemic has put my family more in a harmful way. Due to Covid-19 disease, I went back from my school dormitory to my hometown before I could take university entrance exam. Not long after my homecoming, my father got fired from his current job because of the pandemic. Getting this bad news, my mother tried to start her own business but it won't last long. Nowadays, all the support to my family is from my sister. On the other hand, as the second child in this house, I do not want to lend more load to my sister if she has to support my college's finances. That's why I tried to apply for scholarships to reduce expenses. As if feeding two birds with one scone, I looked for abroad undergraduate scholarships so I could start a first act of reaching my dreams but I had a little argument with my parents. I persuaded my parents about my goal again and again, then they finally give me permission and time for one year to prove myself. Since then, I have started preparing myself for going overseas. I tangled so hard in order to confirm my family that they have made a right choice to believe in me. And It would be a pleasure for me if GKS undergraduate program could help me to prove and achieve my dream.
Another key thing to mention about why I choose South Korea as my study destination is because they have an education system and environment that supports the learning process. In South Korea, people favor discipline and hard-working behavior which makes me even more challenged to study there. Based on the QS World University Rankings 2021, five universities in South Korea managed to enter the top 100 which proves that South Korea has the best education that I should not miss. In senior high school, I was selected as one of the hundred best students after the selection of hundreds of applicant students there, so I know how it feels to survive among the best. And I want to do it once more as well as starting my journey to go international.
As for my educational background, I went to XXX high school and got a fully-funded scholarship. This school implements a boarding system and uses the English language as a daily conversation, so I already have both the basics of surviving on my own and English speaking skills for three years.
During senior high school, I had made huge changes in my characters. The environmental change in the school that was opposite from my junior high school has taught me what it means to not be able to get what I want. Compared to junior high school, I was always being proud with friends and teachers for great marks in school as well as being known as the first rank student among my class. But when I entered my senior high school, I realize that there were smarter people than me and felt what was the feeling of a loser in a competition. At the beginning of senior high school, I joined the science Olympic team test but I failed. I also did not get my only chance to join scout member recruitment. I almost frustrated about losing my pride that I have brought since junior high school. I knew I have missed most of the chances in front of me, but then I encouraged myself and thought that I could have different passion than in my junior school and I believed that succesful always laid under several failures. And that's when I joined the English club in my high school. In my second year, all of my efforts got paid off. I have been chosen as a language development department member in the student council. I also become a caretaker in a first-year student's dormitory for girls in language development for two semesters. At that time I realized that I had different interest compared to junior high school. I found learning language and literature was pleasant that never travelled my mind before about how good it would be.
My skills keep developed in literature as I started writing fiction on an online platform to kill my depression in the dormitory. I had never thought of writing until I had some ideas that popped up in my mind and thought how it would be like if I created my own stories. I was not so confident about my writing in the start since I was an amateur and thought that people would make fun of me. Yet the reality that happened was the contrary of my insecurity. Not only my friends acknowledged and supported me to keep writing, but also I got the chance to create my first screen script for my class project. I also got achievement in second place for my novel script after joining and losing several competitions. Then, I recognized that my insecurities would bring me nowhere if I did not take the opportunity which shield under the challenge.
Since then, I have been determined to contribute in the literature field and as a writer to be exact. But I want more than just to become a local writer. Instead, I want to be a writer that got acknowledged by people as well as I chase my dream of going international. Then, I find the Creative Writing major at preferred universities in the GKS undergraduate program. The curriculum and the courses they offered are all of what I need to develop my writing skills. For me, this is a blessing in disguise that I should not ignore such great moment in front of my eyes.
My last three years of experience are more than enough to get to know more about another side of me that might never appeared before. However, I learned much from my past and I have become the present me who are set to face the brighter future. And it would be pleasant for me if I could get the GKS undergraduate program to lead me the way to go international for a promised future . I say thank you for giving me this opportunity and for taking the time to read this essay.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 13,185 4306
The scholarship application and appropriate written interview requirements will not be available until September - October. The information requirements tend to vary per application season so I cannot assure you that this essay will be useful at this point. I can however, comment on the basic content.
Ther actual content is not remarkable. There are no undergraduate accomplishments in relation to Creative Writing. The presentation is not previous prompt compliant due to the lack of relevant information. The weakest point is the reason for studying in Korea. The choice of reasons will depend upon the application type (university or embassy). At this point, the essay needs be more information specific. Right now, it is just a general narrative, which doesn't help the application consideration.
I strongly advice that you wait for the new prompts before revising the essay. That way you can correct it based on actual application requirements. Right now, I am just . you an idea of the weaknesses in this version. Wait for the new written questions before you revise this istay.