Briefly describe a situation in which you felt that you or others were treated unfairly or were not given an opportunity you felt you deserved. Why do you think this happened? How did you respond? Did the situation improve as a result of your response?
As a Latino immigrant, I can say that there is one common goal that my family and the families of many other immigrants in this country share. That goal is the desire to better our lives and the lives of those we leave behind. Although, in the beginning, this goal is nothing more than a dream, our drive is so strong that the sacrifices we make are valuable in and of themselves. After all, the sacrifices we make are the ones that teach us life long lessons. Through these lessons, we encounter many memorable experiences. However, memorable experiences are not the only things we come across on our journey towards this goal. There are times when situations lead us astray. Racism, for example, is one of the many obstacles that nearly most, if not all immigrants experience. In my case, racism was something that both my family and I had encountered at a local shopping center. This incident not only proved the unfairness with which the individual involved was treating my family and me, but also the still prevalent nature of this issue within our society.
It was a sunny Saturday afternoon when my aunt, Modesta, my parents and I decided to go out in search of a birthday gift for my grandmother, who was turning 75. I remember the slight frustration that my aunt and dad were showing on their quest to find the perfect birthday gift. We drove from store to store searching for something that would not only be memorable, but that would also leave a lasting impression on my grandmother. My aunt's and dad's desire to get her the perfect gift was so strong that, I was starting to get annoyed of their argument about what to buy my grandma. They were driving me crazy, especially my mom, who pretty soon became the intermediary between both of them. After seeing the spectacle argument that both my aunt and dad give whenever they cannot agree with each other, my mom came up with the perfect solution. She decided that a golden ring and necklace with my grandma's name engraved in it would be the ideal gift for this occasion. Both my aunt and dad agreed, without any further argument.
We drove to the nearest jewelry store and entered without any hesitation. Upon entering, a white gentleman approached and greeted us. He asked us if we needed any help. My aunt quickly responded,"No, gracias." She assumed that the guy in the store knew Spanish. Unfortunately, this was not the case. He walked away for a while and then came back to the spot where we were standing. He fiercely stared at us. At me. My mom. My dad. My aunt. Watching our every move, as though we were going to steal something from the store. At first we did not pay much attention to him. However, his constant looks did not take long for us to notice what he was doing. During this time, my aunt had spotted the best design for the ring and necklace that we were going to give my grandma. Pretending as though nothing was happening, my aunt turned to the gentleman and asked him, if she could get the design on two sets of jewelry. Following this, came a stream of remarks wrapped in humiliation and disrespect. The gentleman responded to my aunt by telling her, that she could not afford that design on a two set jewelry piece. He also told us, that the store was not for someone of our economic status. He insisted that we were going to steal something and that he needed to keep an eye on us. As unusual as it seemed, these harsh words struck me like lightning. I began to feel not only inferior to the gentleman, but also worthless. He had created the worst image of us in no more than two minutes. However, we did not let his comments intimidate us. My aunt, on the other hand, decided that it was best for us to leave and not buy anything from the store. Despite the unfairness with which we were treated, we came out of the store with our heads held high. Proud of being Latino immigrants.
This was, by far, the worst experience that I had ever encountered in my life. The only good thing about this incident was the fact that I was able to learn how to approach problems like these. As my mother always tells me, respecting others is the only way out. It does not matter if we are respected or not: the only thing that counts is the character with which we approach those around us. After all, the image that we create of ourselves is what others will use to base their sense of judgement upon us. For this reason, one must always strive to carry oneself with dignity and respect.
Racism, for example, is one of the many obstacles that nearly most, if not all, immigrants experience. I believe a comma is needed after all
It was a sunny Saturday afternoon when my aunt, Modesta, my parents, and, I decided to go out in search of a birthday gift for my grandmother, who was turning 75. Again I think comma is needed after and
My aunt's and dad's desire to get her the perfect gift was so strong that, I was starting to get annoyed of their argument about what to buy my grandma.
I would suggest you to rewrite in more formal style the 2nd paragraph and remove They were driving me crazy. Also consider using mother instead of mum.
engraved in on it
The gentleman responded to my aunt by telling her, that she could not afford that design on a two set jewelry piece.
Brayan, you have a very good story to share here. It is really eye opening and relevant to the prompt. The fact that you experienced the injustice as a family makes it an even more memorable instance in your life. The way that the situation was handled was proper and showed how much more well educated the immigrants can be when compared to the born and bred natives. However, the format of your essay does not serve to deliver the strong impact that the event depicts.
What you have to do is flip around your essay. There is no need for you to revise any content, you just need to change the format on the page so that you can deliver a much more impressive impact to the reader / reviewer. The format I see this paper taking is as follows:
For the Introduction and first - third paragraph:
It was a sunny Saturday afternoon when my aunt, Modesta, my parents and I decided to go out in search of a birthday gift for my grandmother, who was turning 75...
We drove to the nearest jewelry store and entered without any hesitation. Upon entering, a white gentleman approached and greeted us. He asked us if we needed any help...
As a Latino immigrant, I can say that there is one common goal that my family and the families of many other immigrants in this country share...
This was, by far, the worst experience that I had ever encountered in my life. The only good thing about this incident was the fact that I was able to learn how to approach problems like these...
Presented this way, you immediately deliver the necessary event that occurred and then offer a commentary regarding what happened, then finally, bring the discussion full circle by relating it all back to your experience and what you learned from it.
