"Please write a statement of not more than 300 words explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC school or college. Describe both what you might contribute and what you would hope to gain. If desired, you may include a description of your background, family and any experiences you have had in meeting people from other backgrounds than your own."
I currently have 440 words and the limit is 300 and I also did not mention the "a description of your background, family and any experiences you have had in meeting people from other backgrounds than your own" part. I fee like I am missing something. TIPS, EDITING?? PLEASE. Let me know if some things just don't make sense or are repeated.
Have you ever just read or watched something that connects with you on such a deep level? This precisely how I feel about the UWC movement and mission. Reading the UWC mission and seeing the lifestyle of UWCers I feel it is a place where I need to be, where I need to learn, and where I need to share. When I first heard about UWC through various presentations, short courses and articles; and even further hearing about it from the alumni I have met, I knew this was the place for me. As soon as I discovered UWC I knew it was a remarkable opportunity to challenge myself both academically and personally. I fell in love with UWC and I know it would be an environment I would flourish in. I want to learn from others and share with others and I know UWC will give me the tools to prosper and to create a positive impact on the world. UWC also provides opportunity and encouragement for you to take on projects or ideas I often do not receive in Cayman and I'm not able to live by the UWC mission since I'm not encircled by people who are passionate about making changes. I also don't feel I'm surrounded by as much diversity as I need to contribute to a vibrant education inside and outside the classroom like UWC. What also motivated me to apply is the possibility of receiving two years of an IB education, which doesn't only includes academics but also extracurricular activities and the active environment that I seek.
The UWC movement appealed to my dream of using business techniques to find solutions to social problems, working to develop my knowledge of the environment and breaking down misunderstandings and stereotypes held around the world. I have the urge to go somewhere where I can expand my knowledge and contribute to the diverse environment, and when I found out about UWC, it was an impeccable match. I want to learn how to perceive everything from different perspectives, which I'm confident I will learn at UWC. I have a hunger to learn more and hear more of people's stories and the world as I know how much I don't know. I no longer want people to see a little dot on the map when they think about the Cayman Islands, but a face in which they remember from an excellent ambassador of the Cayman Islands, named Derricka. I'm confident that after two years of studying at UWC I will able to use what I have gained to cultivate not only myself and the Cayman Islands, but the world.
Hi, @derri.
Some correction has already done. I hope I could help you. Anyway, I want to advise you not to be so repetitive. Try to make your ideas well linked so that you can make your text shorter. Good luck!
Have you ever ALREADY read or watched something that connects with you on such a deep level? This IS how PROPERLY I feel about the UWC movement and mission. Reading the UWC mission and seeing the lifestyle of UWCers I feLT it WAS a THE place where I need WANTED to be. where I need to learn, and where I need to share. When I first heard about UWC through various presentations, short courses and articles; and even further hearing about it from the alumni I have met, I knew this was the place. for me As soon as I discovered UWC I knewSOON I KNEW It was a remarkable opportunity to challenge myself both academically and personally. I feLT in love with UWC and I know it would be an environment I would flourish in . I wantED to learn from others and share with others and I know UWC will give me the tools to prosper and to/s]create a positive impact on IN the world. UWC also provides THE opportunity and encouragement for you to take on TO GET INTO projects or ideas THAT I HAVE NEVER not receiveD in Cayman. and I 'm WAS not able to live by the UWC mission since BECAUSE I 'm WAS not encircled by people who are passionateD about TO making MAKE changes. I also dIDn't feel I 'm WAS surrounded by as much diversity as I need to contribute to a vibrant education inside and outside the classroom like UWC. WhatELSE also motivated me to apply WAS the possibility TO receivEing two years of an IB education, which doesn't only COULD ALSO include academicsbut also extracurricular activities and the active environment ACTIVITY that I WAS seekING.
The UWC movement appealed to my dreamS of using business techniques to find solutions to FOR social problems, working to develop my knowledge of ABOUT the environment and breaking down misunderstandings and stereotypes held around the world. I have the urge to go somewhere where I can expand my knowledge and , contribute to the diversITY OF THE environment. and when I found out about UWC, it was an impeccable match. I want to WHERE I CAN learn how to perceive everything from ACHIEVE different perspectives, which I'm confident I will learn at UWC . I have a hunger AM EAGER to learn more and AND hear more of ABOUT people's stories and the world as I know AND how much I don't know. I no longer want people to see a little dot on the map when they think about the Cayman Islands, NO LONGER I WANT TO BE but a face inwhitheych rememberED from AS an excellent ambassador of the Cayman Islands, named Derricka. I'm confident that after two years of studying at UWC I will BE able to use NOT ONLY what I have gained PERSONALLY to cultivate not only myself and the BUT FOR Cayman Islands, but AND TO the world.
Derri, you know what? If you first discuss your family, background, or experiences that had you mingling with people from diverse backgrounds, you can tie that discussion in with the reasons why you are interested in applying to UWC. A parallelism of the world that you come from and the world that you look forward to experiencing at UWC will be the most perfect way to provide an answer to the prompt. You could allot something like 150 words for that and then allot the last 150 to the discussion of how you plan to contribute to the UWC community and how you think you will gain from that contribution.
You don't have to explain to the reviewer about where you heard about UWC and what the alumni told you about the school. Those first few lines are really not necessary in the essay. You are just telling the reviewer useless information. Useless because it does not tell him anything that he needs to know based upon the prompt requirements. You should revise that opening statement to directly answer the prompt instead. Focus the opening on my suggestions in the previous paragraph and you should have a more attuned response to open your essay with.
Try not to tell the reviewer that one of the main reasons you decided to apply was the fact that you get a free 2 year education out of this. That is obvious information that all of the applicants are after and therefore, is not a strong reason to seek UWC approval. In fact, that is the weakest reason and should not show up in the essay at all. All of the other reasons that you presented were sufficient enough.
Overall, the essay just needs some content adjustment and refocusing in order to deliver a strong prompt answer on your part :-)
- This is precisely how
- UWCers I feelknow it is a place
- short courses and articles; and even further
- hearing about it from the alumni I have met,
- As soon as I discovered UWC,I knew( you have used this words too many times in the essay, you have established the facts of choosing UWC as your university of choice, so this will not be necessary )
- and I know it would be ana conducive environment I would flourish in.
- I want to learn from others and share with others and I know UWC will
- giveprovide me with the tools to prosperneeded materials to work on and - to create a positive impact onto the world.
- I often do not receive in the Cayman Islands
- and I'm not able to live by the UWC mission sinceas I'm not
- encircled byaround people who are passionate
Derricka, I made a few remarks as you can see above. I stopped on the first paragraph, reason being, I feel like the essay is not that strong to be an application essay. I believe it's more of a pushing it forward essay which is somehow not appropriate, you wrote an essay that appeal to be showing you eagerness to be admitted to UWC and I believe you worked hard in coming up with this essay but it lacks a relaxed mood, your pushing too hard to get in that you miss the point that you are applying to a university that will be your home for a few years. Keep a relaxed mood in your essay, keep it light, keep it real, don't push it too much.
I hope my remarks help and I hope to see your revised essay here on EF so we can help you further.
