Please help me review this essay on my networking skills and how to use that to lead and influence others.
Networking is a necessity
I realised networking is worthwhile when I entered in to a bank four years ago to withdraw money from my accounts. Whilst I was waiting in a que for my turn, I had a tap on the shoulder and when I turned, it was the branch manager of the bank, he walked me into his office offered me a seat and asked if I care for a cup of tea which I politely turned down because in a hurry. He then asked me what I came to do and when I told him he called one of the security officers to bring me a withdrawal slip. To cut a long story short, I was served in the comfort of his office. We first met at Youth Education and Transformation Network for Africa (YETna) a None-governmental Organisation that organise leadership programs and career guidance seminars for the youth.
Networking is a necessity in my daily activities. Working for YETna over these past years, I have made good use of and I have benefitted immensely from networking. As the Director for Projects and technical support, it is my responsibility to get people to buy into the organisation's vision mission and objectives. This has exposed me to people of different walks of live. I have networked with people like lawyer, entrepreneur and philanthropist Adepeju Jaiyeoba from Young African Leaders Initiatives (YALI), Virginie Lawson from Marlox AG, Switzerland, Michael Boampong from the United Nations, Edward Kofi Tumsia founder of YETna and many others from different cultural backgrounds, race, religion and geographical location.
I have a wide range of network coverage ranging from family, friends, work contacts, professional bodies, local community, to university. In all stages of my life and career, I have built a great network around myself and have also being able to connect most of them to each other and I believe with the Chevening Scholarship,it would help me expand my network with hundreds and thousands from the Chevening community and beyondHolt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Danstad, you are confusing the Chevening scholarship essays. There is one scholarship for leadership and influence and another for networking. They are not to be combined into one essay covering all 3 topics. Your networking essay should follow the parameters of the Chevening prompt. That is to explain to the reviewer how you develop your network, how you maintain that network, and how you plan to use that networking skill as a Chevening scholar first as a student and then, as an alumna of the network. As usual, this is a problem focused essay that depicts an instance when, as the leader of a group, you had to create a network or use an existing network of professional contacts in an effort to get the task done. Focus on a project that taught you how to develop and use your networking skills instead. That means that you have to write a totally new and different essay. You should not use this essay at all.
Do not name drop people and organizations as you did in this essay. Name dropping people means that you are mentioning them as notable names whom you have worked with that should impress the Chevenening committee. Unless these people have written you a letter of recommendation, and you have their permission to use their names in your application, you should not mention their names. Only the names of organizations and people whom you have worked with and have permission to mention in your essay should have their names in the essay.
I have already explained the problem with your essay to you. Do not post the same essay again for approval in this thread. You will get suspended with finality if you do that. Just write a new essay and hope that you did it right this time. Do not show it to me or post it on this forum for advice unless you are willing to make that thread "URGENT". If you cannot make the thread urgent, then do not post it. You will risk a final, irrevocable suspension when you do that.
