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Personal values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviour


NAYS 1 / -  
Nov 22, 2019   #1

Describe, in less than 300 words, the values and beliefs you hold strongly to, provide example



give advise to this essay :) ( NTU Scholarship)

In everyday life 'self-discipline' used to be something I highly value. I believe that having a discipline gives me the strength to withstand hardships in life, whether physical, mental or emotional and I believe as a young boy that discipline is the reason behind the success of many individuals in this world.

One of my disciplines is on the behavior that leads me to get high achievement than the other people do, moreover self-discipline helps me to differentiate and prioritize important tasks in my daily life.With this principle of self-discipline, people could get everything that they want, because once I prioritize the important task that means I have full of effort on that thing and give the best to it.

The first thing I did and the first principle of self-discipline I used eight years ago, was to change my identity, and the biggest reason for that was because my behavior won't ever change if I did the same worst thing like yesterday. When I was in elementary school I'm just a little kid that do random things every day, which leads me to become lazy and becoming a fat kid. Once I entered the junior high school I want change my identity to become worthwhile, from that every single day I spent my time to have more practice and did the thing that people advise to me, a few time later, little by little my behavior was changed that aim to positively impact and I got more achievement than other people get. This belief has further reinforced my values of being a precious and positive sample for other people.

I love challenges, and I also love experiencing something new, meeting new people, taking a risk, and learning various things. Yes, I highly value adventure, which is actually one of my motivations to study at NTU. I know it won't be easy, but that's what challenges me more. I'm sure that it will be such a wonderful experience.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
Nov 22, 2019   #2
@NAYS
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to ask for more questions if you have any!

From the get-go, I find the general overview of your writing to be a little bit cluttered, especially if we take a look at the flow of transition between thought A and B. While I recognize that you were trying to elaborate and focus more on the meaning of discipline in your life's context, I find that the latter parts of writing should have been improved by being more organized with relaying your thoughts and opinions. For example, the second paragraph didn't necessarily pave way for a more fruitful discussion on the next parts of writing.

Being more focused as well on a specific trait, which I can tell that you attempted to do in the first parts of the writing, should be maintained throughout. For example, you quickly jumped into talking about your passion for experiencing things on the last paragraph even though this wasn't a clear trait that you were trying to promote on the earlier paragraphs. If you can be more specific and target-focused, this will definitely improve your writing in totality.


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