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"VCU scholarship essay" - Compose Page 87 of your autobiography


skaterkane 1 / 1  
Nov 22, 2008   #1
Compose Page 87 of your autobiography. In this essay, you should be creative, considering where your life story would be at this point.

The years are quickly passing and I find myself flipping through the pages of my own life. All throughout high school, my future seemed somewhat irrelevant to me and I had never taken the time to ponder my life as an adult in the upper-middle class. I still remember my art teacher, Mrs. Dayhoff and the time she invested into furthering my artistic skill. If it had not been for her and my loving parents, I do not know where I would be today. I would probably not be living in this beautiful house in Richmond, Virginia with a wonderful wife and 2 children. I count my blessings every day. When I was accepted into The School of The Arts, I was ecstatic. Virginia Commonwealth University had so much to offer in terms of social activity and chances to take graphic design to the next level. All of the professors were always willing to help me achieve my goals but at the same time, challenge me in the realm of originality and creativity. Now I am completely confident in everything that I do. Every time a client comes to me with a question, I am always ready with an answer. My Graphic Design business is running smoothly, however my faculty and I are still trying to get settled into the new building. John and I just created the new logo and everyone seems to like it so were sticking with it. We just got a new intern who is helping us move boxes and get into this place. He's very energetic and I think he will be a good addition to the office. Everyone I work with is wonderful and they all have a good work ethic, so that makes my job as the president of DESIGN4U very simple. During college, One thing I definitely learned was that practice makes perfect. Through the use of Photoshop and Illustrator in college, I was able to use techniques other people didn't know. I am very pleased with what I have become and I do not regret my decision to have gone into the field of graphic design and visual arts. Hopefully this isn't just a short burst of excitement because my last work pleased the client. But if it is, I am still looking forward to see what tomorrow brings-page 88.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 22, 2008   #2
Good evening :)

As you didn't describe what type of assistance you were seeking, I have made some general comments in regards to the piece.

"I still remember my art teacher, Mrs. Dayhoff, and..."

"...into the School of the Arts, I was ecstatic."

"My Graphic Design business..." These are not proper nouns and therefore shouldn't be capitalized.

"He's very.." Avoid contractions in formal academic writing; they are inappropriate. This should be "He is..."

"But if it is..." Avoid beginning your sentences with conjunctive/transitory words such as "but," "so," or "and."

This piece is a good narrative snapshot piece; short and to the point but with good flow.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP skaterkane 1 / 1  
Nov 29, 2008   #3
Thank you Gloria. I appreciate your assistance.


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