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Violence in my country (Leadership) - Aplication for Chevening scholarship

cc23usa 1 / -  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
Hello everyone! Im applying for a scholarship with chevening and i would really appreciate your opinions about my answer.

Future leaders or influencers

Since my childhood I've felt the need to leave my mark on the world, bring that action however small but to help create such a big wave of change that is the largest tsunami peace for the humanity. Then on my experience and the experiences of life I realized there are many aspects of human life in which you can generate a crucial change and I take quite some time to find an approach for my action.

Finally I decided to focus my actions towards those who have been affected by violence in my country, I had to go so far in my search if the need for help is in my own home, in my country, women, children and girls who have lived for more than 50 years an absurd war that has even touched my family.

This led me to volunteer of the Colombian Campaign Against Mines for three months, we had to go to the municipalities more away from my apartment and low hostility to explain to children in schools and colleges to identify the presence of these artifacts and protect themselves. The skills developed through this experience communicating with children of all ages, develop different methods to deliver information receiver according to public

Also in my work with the Corporacion OCASA-TSI (UNDP) I had the opportunity to work and meet a group of women affected by the conflict in different personal, physical and psychological aspects. In this case develop skills of empathy and neutrality, I believe to be connected with people who you want to reach yet maintain neutrality toward the goal to be achieved.

The different experiences in my life both personally and professionally have develop a kind of motivating leadership, I'll be a leader who helps broaden the vision and development options, such as victims of the conflict must understand that there is a world of possibilities beyond of being a victim and that they themselves are their own agents of change to preserve the promise of a peaceful future for future generations.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,635 3478  
Nov 3, 2016   #2
CArolina, I am not sure about the approach that you are taking with this essay. It seems that the concentration of the essay is more of a backgrounder and summation of your life experiences rather then being a leadership and influencing essay. It is not enough to mention that you worked with such and such organization and then explain the objectives of the organization. Your work as indicated in your essay is more of a participatory role rather than leadership.

As I keep on telling the others applying for the same scholarship here. Implications are good but actual leadership and influencing examples are necessary in order to provide the necessary data for the essay. The essay has excellent jump off points in terms of providing a path towards leadership and influencing on your side. The problem, is that these skills and how you used / developed them in (through action) doesn't come across clearly in the essay. Try to make the leadership role that you played and an actual influential role that you undertook more evident in the narration of the story. Take us into the work that that you had to do. Specifics matter at this point.

Your closing statement is particularly strong and provides an insight into the kind of leader that you can be in the future. Don't save that for the end, place it at the beginning where it can influence the reader to get to know more about your leadership abilities.

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