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"A volunteer student from Tajikistan" - volunteering community essay


agent9c 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2010   #1
Hi Everyone!
Please check my essay, I would appreciate any comments on my draft.
Thanks in adance!

Please provide an essay that responds to the following items:
- Why is volunteering in your community valuable? Do you volunteer (if yes, please explain)? Is it common for someone to volunteer in your home country?

- What are some areas of concern for your community or country? How might volunteer program in your community make these areas of concern better?
- While in the U.S., which type of volunteer activities, groups, or issue areas are you most interested in participating?
- What is the one thing that you hope to learn in the U.S. that will allow you to return to your community and make a positive impact?

Volunteering is valuable not only in my community but also in every community. However in my community some people think that volunteering is just wasting your time. But in my point of view it is very important for every person to do a volunteer at least once in a life time. Because when we do volunteer and help others, our job will be appreciated, and many people can benefit from our work.

Sadly in my community, volunteering is not a common as it should be. There are not enough volunteering agencies in my community. In actual fact Tajikistan is in need of volunteer agencies. In Technological University of Tajikistan I volunteer at a charity club called Univer-Charity. Univer-Charity is a charity club for university students, which provides help to children who are orphaned or either physically abused. One of the services that Univer-Charity provides to the children is the donation of clothes, blankets, shoes, deodorants, school supplies, and toys.

In my country there are many areas of concern. Like cleaning the streets, motivating primary students to school instead of working at markets or washing cars, be aware of orphans, poor families or disabled people. Volunteer programs should care about orphaned children, poor families, elderly persons, disabled people or sickness. Some of them totally have no family, or relatives they are absolutely alone. By caring volunteer programs give them the self-confidence. Basically volunteer programs should do simple things like buying toys for orphans, motivate young generation to school, help poor families, reading a book to sick persons, or just simply visiting them, and this makes them feel that they are not alone.

Going to US, making American friends and meeting them in real are my child dreams and goals. By participating in any type of college activities, groups or clubs, I can make American friends and make my dream to become true. Hopefully this program would be able to help me pursue my dreams and goals. While in the US I am interested to participate in college volunteer activities or charity clubs. I want to share and compare Tajik culture and tradition with American culture and tradition with orphans, disabled or elderly people. My only wish is to be able to help and make them smile. I love peace makers, friendly, caring, loving and polite people. Interested to see, how they get happy when they see Tajik student came from Tajikistan just because to visit, to meet and to help them. I also would like to learn about American people or students and see how they think or care about their orphans, disabled people or poor families. Americans always fascinated me with their cultures and tradition. I want to learn their culture and traditions in real. For me it is very important to learn more American college activities and charity clubs. So that when I return home I can share it with college friend and make our community a better place to live.

In conclusion, volunteers are people who care about the comfort of their community. We the Tajik people should always care about our community and country.
swimfast92 2 / 3  
Nov 30, 2010   #2
In the second sentence "However" should be followed by a comma. "However, ..." Also, eliminate the "In conclusion" at the end of the piece, it seems to abruptly stop the flow of the reader. Other then that, great essay!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 14, 2010   #3
Often, you can get rid of the word "that" and improve a sentence:
However in my community some people think that volunteering is just wasting your time.

Volunteer programs should care about orphaned children, poor families, elderly persons, disabled people or those suffering illness. sickness .

Some of them totally have no family, or relatives they are absolutely alone.

In the list, use ing for every verb: Basically volunteer programs should do simple things like buying toys for orphans, motivating young generation to school, helping poor families, reading a book to sick persons, or just simply visiting them, and this makes them feel that they are not alone.---now it is a great sentence!!!!

Going to US the United States, making American friends and meeting them in real person are my child dreams and goals.
To "meet someone in person" means to meet them face-to-face nstead fo via Internet of phone.

By participating in any type of college activities, groups or clubs, I can make American friends and make my dream to become true. ---great sentence!!!

Hopefully this program would be able to help me pursue my dreams and goals unhelpful sentence.

While in the US United States, I am...

So that wh When I return home I can share it with college friend and make our community a better place to live.

Great job!! :-)


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