There is a saying "Let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raised, your family, home, community you have lived in, and how they have shaped who you are today.
Hi guys, I am applying for a scholarship and this is my essay. Hope that you guys will help me to improve my essay. Thanks.
"A voyage to the oceans of characters". This voyage is a sightseeing to three of my oceans. Those, which are called "the oceans of characters", were found by the helps and influences of different people around me. Through visiting these oceans, we would have an insight into the owner-me and those beloved people who had helped me find those invaluable oceans.
The ocean #1: Independence: If most people learn how to stand one their own feet when they stay apart from their families, I was taught this skill when I was staying nearby my loving and caring family. In my family, apart from courtesy, obedience and assiduity, self-reliance was also the very first crucial lesson me and my sister had to learn. However, everything was just on theories until I had chance to practice and recognize its advantages. When I was 6, my family got into financial difficulties. My parents had to work diligently to earn for a living. My sister took responsibility in looking after the housework. At that age, the only thing I could do to help my family was self-care. It was tough to take shower, change clothes and fall into sleep myself, however, I survived well. Moreover, I also gave a hand for my sister in doing odd jobs. Having practiced these things when I just a little girl subconsciously grown something called independence in myself, which gave me the encouragement to believe, explore and try to do best on everything myself.
The ocean #2: Creativity: Creativity was grown inside me when I was young, however, thank to my schools for having provided such dynamic, motivative environments for me to nurture my creativity. Having imagined thousand of stories and let Barbie dolls be the actors in my self-handmade doll houses was how I began to grow my imagination. Nevertheless, my primary school, which usually set up dramas for students to participate in, was where I learnt how a drama was officially processed. My secondary school and high school gave me chances to practice my skills in creating a stories and playing with my imagination. Through being a director and actor for representations, English contests and Drama Club, I have gained such precious experience and become more persistent in pursuing my passion.
The ocean #3: Diversity. Friendship makes my life more colorful, meaningful and worthful. It is a fortune that I have lots of friends and they come from many backgrounds, which as a result give me various perspectives on matters of life. Friends suffering from divorce, mental illnesses taught me to stay positive and appreciate my luckiness. Friends come from other ethinicities and overseas share their interests, cultures, languages. All of them taught me to vacariously learn about the world and gave me diverse views in different matters.
Those 3 oceans are my featured oceans which I mostly feel proud and grateful for. During my journey of finding oceans, sometimes the wind or the wave can guide me to hazardous oceans, however, it is all about my decision on which oceans are good for me. Finally, thank to my family, friends and schools for guiding me to explore such wonderfuf "oceans of characters".
Hi Hien, welcome to EssayForum :)
At first, I was quite confused about your essay. I was struggling myself to try to match the prompt with your answer. Eventually, I've recognized that your essay has already answered the prompt but in an unusual way. A common essay would describe the environment directly since the first paragraph but your essay was quite unique I guess. You came up with a catchy-hook about "ocean of characters" in which makes the reader wonder what are you going to say about that phrase. However, there are two possible outcomes if you write your essay that way.
First, as I said before, the reader would wonder about what you are going to say/describe about that phrase and second, it is also possible to make the reader curious in negative way. They would probably think that your essay hasn't answered the prompt properly yet. I gave you two perspectives to make you aware in making something different. Difference is good for some people, but some people might also consider it as "violating the rule" or something like that.
All in all, my suggestion is that it is okay to use a catchy hook like that but you need to explain MORE clearly about what do you mean by oceans or what ocean represents. You need to give overall progression in your introduction by outlining what three oceans consist.
I hope this helps :)
