This is my essey for an Optics and Photonics Scholarship.
The instruction are the following: In 500 words or less, please write about your academic work and career objectives. Tell us how an Optics and Photonics Education Scholarship would help you attain your goals. Comment on what you have achieved and learned through your studies and activities. Keep the committee's criteria in mind.
The key criterion in evaluation and ranking applications is the potential for long-term contribution to the field of optics, photonics or related field. Need, in and by itself, is not considered as a criterion.
As my curriculum is not very impressive, I tried to be original to hook the committee's attention, but maybe I overdid it?
Please give me your honest opinionon the contents, the structure and the grammar!
"I wanted to be an explorer. And yet I am applying for an Optics and Photonics Scholarship. What is wrong with my life? Nothing, actually.
When I realized I wasn't fit for camping in jungles, I started challenging myself in various field. My efforts didn't go unrewarded: in particular during high school my excellent grades earned me a spot in the chemical engineering section of the HI-TEC Project, a selective summer school held by the Politecnico di Milano. Although I liked chemistry, the physics activities spurred my curiosity the most, persuading me to enroll in the Physics Department of the UniversitĂ degli Studi di Napoli Federico II.
There, fueled by the urge of learning , I enjoyed studying just to satisfy of my own curiosity. Complying with my growing interest, I attended all the optics related courses available and ultimately I chose the optic field for the compulsory thesis requested for my bachelor degree. The month I spent working on my thesis has been greatly rewarding. Given the chance to experience a research lab, not only I acquired new knowledge and techniques, but for the first time I could take a closer look at research, as a job. As I observed how phd students and researchers interacted with each other, in a continuous exchange of ideas and standpoints, I realized I could gain more from physics than pure knowledge. This feeling grew stronger as I got increasingly involved with the activities of the SPIE, OSA and EPS student's chapters, participating in community outreaches and seminars, teaching and learning. In particular, I helped in the organization and attended both the 2012 IONS conference and the 2012 SIF (Italian Physics Society) congress in Naples. There, meeting researchers from all over the word, I fully understood the value of being part of a community.
These meaningful experiences slowly but steadily have shaped myself and a goal for my life: to become a researcher, pursuing an academic career. Merging my fascination for light with the hunger for knowledge and sharing it all with my peers, I feel this path will exploit my full potential. This is different from my childhood dream. Still, not everything is changed: just as in the past, I'm curious toward the word, excited at the smallest things. Even now I feel enthusiastic and thrilled at the idea of testing how much faster I can grow, how much further I can stretch as an active part of this community.
But being enthusiastic is still not enough. To became a capable researcher I am determined to make the most of my time in university, exploiting every opportunity to study, to broaden my horizon, to build up a solid professional network. For this purpose this scholarship would help me finance not only my master studies, but the participation to the XYZ (I'm still not sure where to apply) summer school. For this reason I hope you will grant me your trust, looking forward with me to the day I'll discuss my own research at an IONS congress."
Thanks in advance for your help!
This is a really well-written essay. You have clearly developed your reasons for pursuing optics and photonics and convinced me that you deserve this scholarship.
However, there are two errors in the essay.
not only I acquired Not only did I acquire
as I got increasingly involved ----- became is the proper word
Other than that, it's a really persuasive essay and I wish you good luck!
PS Please help me with my supplemental essays if you have time. Thank you
