THE WAR WITHIN OUR BODY, I need help with my study plan for my application for KGSP

Hello, i am planning on applying for the Korean government scholarship for my masters degree and i have been working on my essays, here is the study plan i tried to come up with, please i want your critical review of it. Many thanks and God bless

combats for health

My curiosity for what diseases are and how the body combats them, how some people successfully combat and some don't, all started when my mum developed lump in her breast, it was a devastating period for us, I tried to understand what caused her pain by asking questions from inexperienced elders and family members, but their responses did little in satisfying my curiosity. In a quest for better understanding, I studied science in high school, it was still not enough. This impelled me to study Microbiology during my undergraduate study, I was exposed to the fascinating world of microorganisms and the trend of how they play a major role in causing diseases.

As a six month intern at the Nigerian Institute of Science Laboratory and Technology, I was exposed to the practical aspect of molecular biology where I experienced DNA extraction and analysis, Polymerase chain reaction, Agarose gel electrophoeresis. My interest in the molecular approach to diseases could be attributed to the exposure gained as an intern at the institute.

I am mostly fascinated about the immune system and viruses, their mechanism of replication, growth, evasion from the hosts immune responses and how they hijack the hosts replicative cycle. I would like to carry out a molecular investigation of the Middle East Respiratory Syndrome (MERS) and its transmission via direct zoonosis and human to human transmission.

MERS is a viral respiratory infection causing fever, cough, expectoration, shortness of breath, myalgia, diarrhea, vomiting, abdominal pain. MERS can range from asymptomatic disease in some patients to severe pneumonia, acute respiratory distress syndromr (ARDS), kidney failure, disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIC) and pericarditis in some. MERS is caused by the Middle East Respiratory Syndrome- Corona virus (MERS-CoV). It is a single stranded RNA virus belonging to the genus betacoronavirus. Its genome is classified into two clades, Clades A clusters (EMC/2012 and Jordan-N3/2012) while Clade B are new cases that are genetically different in general. MERS-CoV is transmitted through direct zoonosis from camel to humans and through human to human transmission. The most common mood of transmission is through human to human so I would like to carry out a study which investigates the molecular consitituents of the virus itself and its relationship, transmission from the vector to the human and animal host.

To achieve this, a serology test; enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay (ELISA) for detection and an immunofluorescence assay (IFA) for confirmation and a molecular test, (real-time reverse-transcription polymerase chain reaction (rRT-PCR)) would be carried out on specimens obtained from the lower (bronchalveolar lavage, sputum and tracheal aspirates) and upper (nasopharyngeal and oropharyngeal swabs) respiratory samples, serum, and stool specimens which would be obtained from hospitals or directly from patients, camels who have had contact with the Middle East Respiratory Syndrome- Corona virus (MERS-CoV). The serology test would detect previous infection by detecting antibodies to MERS-CoV and the molecular test would establish the presence of active infection. Our findings would add to an already rich and illustrious database of scientific research and could be the basis for the formulation and development of new drugs.

Hello,
Here are some corrections:

molecular biology, where
either use the host immune ... or the hosts immune ...
n some patients with

And also I saw some typos like syndromr, it's not a bad idea to spell check your whole essay once.

Ojo, start the essay with the current second paragraph. That at least gives the background of your education that can related to your planned thesis research. The outline is acceptable but leaves the reviewer with a question. How does a Korean education and exposure to the Korean medical field fit into this study plan? You need to insert some reference points to the current status of research on Korea regarding this MERS virus, what hospital or government research facility you hope to be allowed to volunteer or intern at in order to help with your research, and what you hope the end result of your research will be. After that, you need to acknowledge that since you will have to live in Korea for a number of years after you graduate, that you will turn over the results of your research to the government or university and then pursue more advanced research in the hopes of eradicating the MERS virus with the help of Korean scientists and virologists. After you do that, the essay will be complete.