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I'm on my way to become that great food engineer I've always wanted

Feb 12, 2018   #1
Please guys, have a look on my personal statement and tell how i can make it better.

( Please provide a narrative statement discussing your professional, academic and future plans. It should not be a mere listing of facts.

attracted by different kind of food

Food is an essential element to the human being and no one can't survive without it. According to Dr. Maslow Hierarchy of Needs, Food is a part of "psychological needs" which is a basic need. But food isn't just a necessity, it is also one of our great source of pleasure. From children to adults, everyone appreciates food especially when it is delicious. Like Charles Pierre Monsolet said once, "Gastronomy is the joy of all ages".

From a young age, I have always like eating. I was attracted by those colorful candies, those chocolates I couldn't even afford but I knew delicious. I was always ready when it comes to food because it gives me pleasure. Growing up, I realize that Food isn't just about pleasure but more important than that. How could we recover from some minor illness by eating some foods but get sick by eating others? How could some food change when not eat on time? Because I didn't have answers for that questions, it aroused my curiosity and that's what first pushed me to the food sciences.

In high School, science was my favorite subject so at the end it was easy to choose a field related to it. I had been oriented towards medicine but instead I chose a bachelor's degree in food science and technology. At first it was a little complicated but I was finally able to convince my family that food science was just as important as medicine. Food Science is relevant to our everyday lives, and that's what makes it so interesting to me.

In 2011, I started my bachelor degree in food science and technology at ESTBA (University of Lomé). Since the old system at the university had just been replaced by the LMD system, there were some drawbacks for the courses and there was also a lack of practice. These factors led me to seek additional resources and to invest myself more. I had to work independently and ingeniously spending hours after classes working in the library and on the internet. This allowed me to have a better understanding of the food sciences and to answer the questions i asked myself. At the end, I learned more things outside of my training, especially with my experiences. The proof with my end of training internship where i really could put into practice what I had learned theoretically in class. Now I'm working in a food packaging society where I used to answer questions people ask themselves.

I think my work experience has been very productive in that it has allowed me to achieve some of my goals. I'm on my way to become that great food engineer I've always wanted to be so currently I aspire to do more, I am thirsty for new knowledge. I would like to be able thanks to this Master degree to help the other Togolese also to reach their objectives so that together we can bring the Togolese food industry to a higher level. I have worked hard to get here and I think it's not enough so I plan to do more in the future.

Holt [Contributor] 1591  
Feb 13, 2018   #2
Tchalim, this essay reminds me of an example of a misunderstanding in a conversation that my professor once told our class in relation to logical thinking in terms responding to questions. The conversation went like this;

Person A: How did you like the movie? What was the best part about it?
Person B: I arrived at 6:59 for the 7:00 showing. I saw the closing credits of the previous showing.

That is the presentation that best depicts the mistake in your response to the prompt requirements. You are talking about your past experiences and knowledge when the prompt is clearly asking you to think about your future after having completed the program. Your response does not, in any way, shape, or form indicate any plans for your academic, future, and professional plans. You are stuck in a discussion of the past in this essay. Which does not help you explain your response to the prompt at all.

Think in terms of the future as per the requirements of the prompt. Delete this essay. Not a single part of it can be used because it is looking back rather than imagining the future, which is the whole point of the essay. Your current response does not tally or match the prompt expectations. It would be better for you to write a new, more responsive essay instead.

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