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'whatever the setbacks are..' - short scholarship


lin1993 1 / 2  
Mar 28, 2012   #1
I prepare for applying a scholarship. And the scholarship essay question is "Which superhero or villain would you want to changes places with for a day and why?"

Can someone help me to correct my grammars and give me some feedback? Thank you!!!!!!!

Here is my essay:

My life from little to now can be called plain sailing. I did not experience a lot of setbacks. And my parents were keeping out wind and rain for me all the time. I can not image that if I would stand up for myself or can not recover after a setback when I face a huge frustration. I am a flower in the greenhouse which does not experience many storms. But I am growing up and my parents would be older. No one can always protect me from hardship and setbacks. I need to face expose to wind and rain by myself. I do not want to die because of wind and rain.

Therefore, I want to change place with Alice, a girl from Resident Evil. She is so brave to defeat zombies which create by scientists. Zombies are very dangerous. They have huge strength and sharp teeth which can rive human into two parts. But Alice overcomes her fear to fight against them. I want to be her to fight against zombies and practice my stress tolerance. During a test of life and death, I would motivate my individual potential. And to be closed to death, I would understand the preciousness of life. From then on, whatever the setbacks are, I would overcome them and grow up inside.
mnsstudbewerb 1 / 6  
Mar 29, 2012   #2
I would say :

"..zombies which were created by scientists .."

for the repeated words, like wind and rain, zombies, for example, I dont know what to suggest
weeddaisy 1 / 2  
Mar 29, 2012   #3
I catch your meaning and what you want to say. However, I think you have to make various kinds of sentence such as simple, complex...to make your essay more colorful. One more thing I want to share with you is that the basic high school essay should be organized in the following five paragraph structure:

Introduction
Body Paragraph One
Body Paragraph Two
Body Paragraph Three
Conclusion

Good luck with your scholarship!
OP lin1993 1 / 2  
Mar 29, 2012   #4
Thank you. Those are helpful to me.


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