Hi everyone. I'm currently applying for LASALLE College of the Arts' scholarship for Design Communication. I googled some tips and luckily found this board. I appreciate any proofreading and suggestions from you. Thank you in advance.
A 500-word statement on personal interest/achievement in relation to the programme of study.
SEE BELOW
Lastly, I have some questions regarding this essay.
1) Do you think the Chemistry part is necessary? It is not really related to what I am applying but I always feel that it is an important period of my life.
2) The essay is 557-word long. Is it acceptable or it is too long? Should I trim it a little?
3) Do you think it helps that I mention English is not my native language?
4) I intend to title it "The authenticity of my being." Is it a bit too extra?
Thank you again.
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It all began when my mother enrolled me into a drawing club when I was six. Every Sunday, from 2 PM to 5 PM, I still remember how excited I was when she dropped me off at the classroom. I was absolutely riveted by colorful oil pastels and the endless possibilities to mix them up. However, as I grow up, the love for drawing has slowly faded, but my passion for making my own stuff and longing for visually attractive objects remain undiminished.
Once in high school, I discovered Photoshop and taught myself the program. At first, I was only capable of adding random brushes and shapes. I was not pleased with the results and did more research on it. As I got to know about the concept of layers, masks, and other miraculous features, it has enabled me to express and convey my ideas effectively. Subsequently, I put more effort into self-learning. Through rigorous training, my skills have been drastically improved, which has allowed me to explore and incorporate many styles and trends. I have developed my interest in the modern minimalism, typography, and mixed media art.
Perhaps the most intriguing experience for me was the first time I have ever worked with a client. I was thrilled by this opportunity, as I have never had any professional training. Last year, a youth club contacted me, asking for a poster for their presentation. I had to make a lot of versions until we could both agree on one. This whole new graphic designer - client relationship struck me as it has changed my perception about ownership and compromise. The thinking process was always a calm moment of bubble bath on a private jet for me, but now it has become sharing a compact hot tub with the others. Although being frustrated at first, I was surprised that the client's input, somehow, has made the process more challenging and interesting. My artworks certainly help me to express myself, but sometimes it is via someone else's message.
Every designer needs inspiration to make inspired works. I would consider that reading books is my constant muse. Furthermore, I realized that challenging myself and taking part in extracurricular activities do wonders for me. I was one of the official Chemistry team's members, representing my city for the National contest of excellent students. I wrote and directed a play based on a Vietnamese fairy tale "The Story of Tam and Cam" in high school. Last spring, I co-hosted "English Day Camp," which was an extraordinary experience for me to be with many confident Vietnamese and Japanese students. Since then, I have found that interacting with other people is a great way to keep myself inspired.
I believe with the LASALLE prestigious scholarship, I will be able to continue my education to the highest. As a scholarship student, I will try my best to further the studies in typography and minimalism. Upon completing study, I hope I will have my own studio, where I can live my dream and contribute myself to the community.
Should I trim it a little?
Always trim a little if you can. Trim as much as possible. It makes writing more effective.
"The authenticity of my being."
This would be great as a term you are introducing in order to express some new concept. But as a title, it seems melodramatic, and it is unclear because of the fact that you used 2 abstract words that are subject to different interpretations... so, I like it, but ... oh, maybe I would want to suggest this:
The Authenticity
of My Being
See? Always trim as much as possible. :-)
Although
being frustrated at first, I was surprised that...
... and contribute myself to the community.---I like the way you worded this.
Very good writing, here!
It is indeed good to mention that you learned English as a second language.
I think it also is good to mention the chem, but be creative and make it all part of the same theme. :-)
