My immediate plan upon completion of the Chevening award and returning to Egypt is going to continue my work as an environmental researcher at nature conservation sector, Egyptian environmental affair agency where I will put all my new abilities to develop surveillance the sources of pollution and boost measures to reduce the potentially harmful environmental effect.
At this stage, I believe that the experience that I will gain from master's degree in the UK will play an essential role in my career life since it will provide new methods and ways to improve my analysis and discover new nanostructured materials in environmental pollution detection, monitoring, and remediation. Hence, the Chevening award is keeping me away from my peers as a highly energetic man with a good knowledge to become a successful researcher.
At the same time, I'm going to join doctoral degree in nanomaterial for environmental applications to advance my skills in research and analysis within my field, which can benefit my academically, professionally and personally. Also, I will have more qualified for top-level positions and have the opportunity to influence economic and social change by proposing solutions to current environment-relevant issues.
After ten years of working and researching, my objective is to upgrade become a director of the regional branch at EEAA. I believe that within this position I could change some policy and development new routes of detection and controlling of contaminants through the introduction of nanotechnology into an environment to the ministry of the environment.
Finally, I am going to establish a non-government organization that will have essential goals are oversight the pollution in Upper Egypt and will introduce a problem-solving for troubleshooting of the environment. Moreover, it will provide appropriate support for those affected by environmental problems so as to preserve the public health for Upper Egyptian who suffer from the caring during these years. Egypt is in need of environment without any pollution for good health and economic.
Hi Mostafa,
Welcome to EssayForum :)
Before rushing to my feedback, my suggestion is that you can give at least one space / one enter for each paragraph. This would ease us in reading and checking your essay. Next, I would like to give several inputs related to the development of your essay. I hope you can follow through.
1st paragraph:
- My immediate plan upon completioncompletingof the Chevening awardmy study and returning to Egypt is that I have a tendency to continuegoing to continue my work as an environmental researcher at nature conservation sector, Egyptian environmental affair agency. (stop here, new sentence)
- In this place,where I willam going to put all my new abilities to... (don't you realize that this is a sentence and not even close to a paragraph? Please avoid making long-but-inaccurate-and-ineffective sentence like this. You can just write 2 or 3 clauses per sentence.)
2nd paragraph:
- ... that the experience that I willam going to definitely gain from my postgraduatemaster's degree in the UK (...) my analysis. andIn addition, it is also possible for me to discover new nano-structured materials in detecting environmental pollution detection , monitoring, and remediation. (another long-and-complicated sentence)
- Hence, the Chevening award is keeping me away from my peers as a highly energetic man... (I am quite confused about what you mean in this sentence)
Another general suggestions for the betterment of this essay is that:
- Avoid using contractions like i'm, can't, or many more. This can make the essay less-formal.
- Write a paragraph that consists of at least 3 sentences. Your words count are still far away from the maximum. You can still add approximately 150 words.
Hope this helps :)
Dear mostafakadi, here are some advices for your writing, feel free to correct my responses,
which can benefit my academically... -->
which can benefit (or help) me in academic studies and professional quality/i]
I believe that the experience that I will gain from ... -->
[i]I believe that the experience afforded from master's degree in the UK will take an essential role ( sentence can be changed to "be a stepping stone") in my career life
that will have essential goals are oversight the pollution in ... -->
that will have essential goals to oversight the pollution in Upper Egypt and introduce a problem-solving for troubleshooting problem related to environment.
I hope you can improve your writing,
Regards
i'll try fix my grammare, thanks
Hi, here are some of my observation
1.where I will put all my new abilities ----- where I will uetterly apply all my effective abilities
2.and boost measures to reduce the potentially harmful environmental effect . potentially ----> this word is simply used in positive way, you might just switch its place. by
and boost measures to potentially reduce the harmful environmental effect. So this would differently sound like this word refers to you not that the the harmful environmental effect
3. Hence, the Chevening award is keeping me away from my peers as a highly energetic man ...
BE CAREFUL of this sentence, by your statement here is quite aggressive to your colleagues , I think that the reviewers wish to see your relationship among others by bringing up a whole team together not only you and left your fellows behind, my suggestion is " by going alone you may go faster, but going together you will exactly go further.
4.my objective is to upgrade become a director of the ... ----my objective is to upgrade and become a director of the regional branch at EEAA
5. that will have essential goals are oversight the pollution in Upper Egypt and will introduce a problem-solving for troubleshooting of the environment
that will have essential goals to oversight the pollution in northern Egypt/northern region of Egypt and will introduce a problem-solving forenvironmental issues
6. it will provide appropriate support for thoseaffected by environmental problems . those??? who ,Have you mentioned to the readers before, they may guess and have no idea who are suffering from environmental issues
7. so as to preserve the public health --------- so asto maintain and protectthe public health
8. Upper Egyptian ------------ if you had have mention their location, so you can use ------- the northern region residents
9. suffer from (is negatives) the caring(is positive) during these years ----- suffer from a lack of sanithationduring these years
10. Egypt is in need of environment without any pollution ...----readers may get confused for its meaning.
--------- You may write -------> Egypt is in need of solutions for environmental issues, resulting in a decrease of pollution for national development.
