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I write this part to send to a global volunteer program, help me on grammar and word choice.


vo thi tam 1 / -  
May 15, 2019   #1
I believe that doing volunteering work creates many impacts on our community. Realizing its importance, I joined many projects with my friends but there are two of them that I have been working with all of my heart and commitment.

1. "MAI AM TINH THUONG" (OUR BELOVED HOME)



- Location: Da Nang Center supporting for agent orange victims, Hoa Nhon Commune, Hoa Vang District, Da Nang City, Viet Nam
- Time: once time a month (Starting from 31st August 2018)
-Job description: Since 2018, we began collecting clothes, books, school bags, teddy bears... from our friends, family, neighbors and brought all of them to this center. Most people here are victims from the time of Vietnamese - American War; orphans, or children from extremely impoverished families whose parents could no longer provide for them. And from that time till now on, we have over 10 million Vietnamese dong (about $500) from the fundraising campaign and a lot of school supplies to support them every time we visit.

Every month, we organize a program which includes an acoustic live show, English teaching, and team-building activities. Almost volunteers in this project are my schoolmates and English teachers. The main goal of this project is to help students in this center to be able to learn and speak English. Besides, team-building activities and happy moments with our friends also create an environment that prevents feelings of isolation (often have by orphans or orange victims)

-My duty: planning and organizing our program every month (with some friends and my PE teacher) appeal people- who would like to give away school supplies or what they did not use anymore- to donate for us. It is not easy to appeal to people every month, so we all have to really put effort to write and post on social media (mainly on Facebook) to look for donators around the city and country.

2. VOLUNTEERING AT AN ENGLISH COFFEE SHOP.



-Location: 54 Ha Van Tinh Street, Lien Chieu District, Da Nang City, Viet Nam
-Time: three times per week (Starting from September 2018)
-Main goal of this volunteering work: helping learners level up their English and creating the English speaking environment for them.
-Job description: Everyday, the learners will come here to practice English. So volunteers need to prepare the specific topics at home with a range of vocabulary related and basic conversations. On Sunday, we have a small presentation with the selected topic, the result and advice will be given by a native speaker. Additionally, at the end of the week, we have a meeting to report the improvement in the learning process of learners or common mistakes that they had made.

As so far, I always proud of being a part of this big family because not only does it help learners improve their English ability but also it brings me wonderful pieces of knowledge which I have not known before.

In short, these are two activities that come along with my youth and I know the more I contribute to the community, the more connections with the people in need I have.

Maria [Contributor] - / 479 214  
May 15, 2019   #2
@vo thi tam
Your mistakes were primarily due to technical/grammatical issues you had while writing. This includes details including but not limited to punctuation, placement of phrases, structure, and usage of relative pronouns. To know how to create more appropriate content, try to review the underlying terminologies behind these in order to evade potential issues.

In addition to these, I also suggest that you try to use lines that are more academically correct. What this means is try to evade hanging thoughts/sentences that do not have formal structures because it's quite necessary for you to be stringent in these measures when writing essays.

Let's revise a few portions of your essays in accordance to these.

Location: Da Nang Center, a support center for Agent Orange victims, located in Hoa Nhon Commune, Hoa Vang District, Da Nang City, Vietnam.

Time: Once a month from the 31st of August 2018

Job Description: We collect clothes, bags, books, teddy bears, and other belongings from friends, family members, and neighbors to bring to the center. Most people in the area are victims of the Vietnamese-American War. There are also orphans and children from impoverished families whose parents can no longer provide for them. We have accumulated a total of over 10 million Vietnamese Dong (roughly $500 USD) for the fundraising campaign. These donations are allocated to school supplies for consistent educational support.

[...]


Try to observe how I implemented the techniques in this essay. Best of luck!


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