Hello guys! I'd like to write a kick ass self-introduction for the KGSP Scholarship to ensure I get it. Please help anyway you can.
Here are the guidelines:
Your course of life,your view of life, study background, your hopes and wishes etc.
Your education and work experience in relation to the KGSP program.
Your motivations for applying for this program.
Reason for studying in Korea.
Here it is:
the description of life
Be born, go to school, watch TV, get a job, get married, have children, die.
This sentence is probably overused. It is probably an over-simplified description of life, but it does describe life. It describes it pretty accurately.
I am forever grateful that the circle I seem enclosed in has 7 elements to it. For some in this very country, it's be born, get married and die
In this circle, we have little or no control over the first and last phase. We (as humans) control the 2-6th phase (I.e.depending on our environment,culture, religion etc.). Putting all of these into consideration, the only thing that a majority of us can truly control is the 3rd and 4th phase. We can decide if/when we want to watch TV and to a large extent, decide the kind of job we want.
A classic middle class family will tell you to go to school, get a good secure job in a large corporation and wait until retirement before you can enjoy your money. In fact, a relative once told me, "You don't have to like your job. Do it for the money and then when you retire, you can enjoy it." I disagree with this. I disagree with every fibre of my being. For I ask myself "If I cannot find fulfillment in this part of my life that I have control of, then what is life?
I believe that when I get a job, I should enjoy it. It should resonate with me. It's only when that happens that I can begin to make positive changes in the world. I have 2 goals in life:To live the fullest life possible and to live a mark.
I was 14 years old when I entered university. At that time, accounting seemed like the only course I could do. I am grateful for my time in the university, for the people I have met, for the lessons I have learned, but I realized in between my studies that accounting is not what I'd like to do with my life. I do not believe it is that work that can help me achieve my goals.
Nevertheless, I stuck with it. I understood the values learning accounting brings. In a world where money has a lot of importance, the ability to make the most of that money and account for it is cherished. In order to achieve any of the above, you need a level of discipline, analytical ability, consistency and integrity, I have learned all this. To survive in a university environment at 14 years, you need adaptability. I also have this.
While on my journey of self discovery, I participated in a number of internships across different fields. As a result, I realized that industries may be world's apart, but there are skills learned in one industry that are transferable to another.
My first internship was in the accounting department of a security firm. There, my major responsibility was to keep records of the daily transactions. This responsibilities taught me organization, accountability and integrity as I had to know where each penny went and record in in such a way that it can be readily used to make decisions.
My 2nd Internship and NYSC (National youth service corps) work were quite similar.
I worked in customer service and learned people skills which is essential if I am to thrive in any environment. I learnt patience, how to be understanding and the act of service.
Often times, we tend to forget that the world is so much bigger than we are and, so we put a limit on what is possible. I'd like to see another part of this world that is bigger than mountains. I'd like to expand my mind. I'd like to learn from a country that has the 7th most sustainable city in the world after being nicknamed the "bottomless pit".
My decision to apply for this program was not made lightly. I have turned it over in my mind since my graduation in 2015 and taken some Korean language lessons online. I wanted to be sure that I was ready to undertake this responsibility and challenge. Now I am.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4782 Tracy, when you speak of your course of life, you need to focus more on your family background rather than a general discussion of the culture and traditions of your country. The concentration of this essay is to get to know you beyond the documents you will be submitting. That includes information about your immediate family and their influence on you. Don't use your uncle, use your closest family members instead. That means your mom and / or dad. How did they influence your course of life?
As for your study background, the fact that you entered into undergraduate studies at the age of 14 will make your application very impressive. However, you need to represent that academic experience on a scale that shows off your academic skills. For example, discussing your academic achievements (if any) rather than discussing your disgruntled nature of study would be more appropriate. The age is already impressive. If you can add recognition and awards, you will be even better off in terms of consideration.
Your interest in Korea and your preparations for studying there is inadequate. There needs to be a reference to how and why your interest in Korea developed. As for the language familiarity, you need to indicate formal lessons instead of only online courses. The KGSP program is very specific about the method by which Korean culture and ethics impressed their applicants. Make sure you create a far more interesting presentation for your essay than this nondescript paragraph.
I would like to point out that your essay has an extremely negative feel and approach to the essay discussion. Can you try to lighten the tone a bit? This essay sounds more like you are declaring your freedom from oppression rather than applying for a scholarship. Tone down the rhetoric in your essay. Show an excitement to be applying for this scholarship instead.
Make sure that when you revise the portion about your internship, that you mention the security agency and your inclusive dates of internship with them. Can you connect this experience with your interest in the masters program that you are interest in studying with the KGSP program somehow? That is a requirement of the prompt. You basically need to justify the reason why you believe your masters degree can only be completed properly in Korea. Consider the reasons why you chose Korea to get a masters degree from and write about that.
Before you think that I am dissing your work, I would like to be clear about one thing. You did a good job with this essay. That is, if you were only writing a personal statement that was not going to be submitted to the KGSP for consideration. The problem is that this essay already has its tone and points for discussion clearly set out for the applicant. All you have to do, is make sure that you reflect those needs in the expected manner.
This is a kick-ass essay if I ever saw one. If only it adhered more to the expectations and requirements of the specific KGSP letter of self introduction, you could use this essay without revision.
