Please try to help me with my essay, and if you can proofread it, I am going to mail it in today later in the day.
3. In 10 years, what do you plan on doing with your leadership and academic experiences, and how will your training and experience at the University of Ontario Institute of Technology help you to achieve this? (less then 500 words).
We all have goals, and ambitions we plan on doing, which continually change based on our experiences. Ten years ago, I only thought about the present today I think about the future. I plan on taking my leadership skills, experiences and my training at University of Ontario Institute of Technology to fulfill my ambitions in the next ten years.
My ambition is to be part of a major Canadian game development company. For me this company is Ubisoft, hopefully working in the Toronto branch. At the company I hope to work as a 3D artist or on the business side, such as a project leader. Ubisoft has always made great games that matched my art style, genre and I have also always enjoyed playing their games, from their splinter cell franchise to their End War game. I would like to work on there Toronto branch since, its closer to my home, then their Montréal branch, in addition their Toronto branch is smaller, which gives me the chance to share my ideas and to get to know everyone, their.
In order to achieve this, I will apply my leadership skills, and academic experiences. University of Ontario Institute of Technology will help me achieve this, as I successfully complete the, "Game development and Entrepreneurship" program. In addition the UOIT program is advised by Ubisoft, so I will get a good idea of the expectations of working at a major company. Moreover, in my third year of UOIT, I will apply at Ubisoft as an intern, additionally; I will get advice from UOIT councilors about applying as an intern to increase my chance of being accepted as an intern.
Ryan and Mina are previous UOIT students who were Ubisoft interns and got the chance to work on Avatar: The Video Game. Through UOIT, I should be able to do the same, and once I graduate, with a bachelor degree of information Technology and with all the experiences I have learned from UOIT, I will have an opportunity to work for Ubisoft fulltime. Only through University of Ontario Institute of Technology will I be able to fulfill my goal and get the experience and training to become a successful Ubisoft employer.
Ubisoft has always made games that matched my art style, genre and I have also enjoyed playing their games...
Be careful in putting commas...
I liked to work on Toronto branch ,since it's closer to my home then in the Montreal branch in addition their Toronto branch is smaller ,which gives me the chance to share my ideas and to get to know everyone their there.
To tell frankly, I am confused reading your essay..
But you can make it more better. I can see your potential...
I guess you already submitted, but for whatever it's worth I'll correct a few errors:
We all have goals, and ambitions we plan on doing fulfilling, which ---You cannot "do" ambitions. You can fulfill them, though, I think.
This is a run on sentence: Ten years ago, I only thought about the present today I think about the future. ----put a semi-colon after "present."
Actually, it is better to think about the present than about the future. You were doing it correctly ten years ago!! :-)
In order to achieve this, I will apply my leadership skills, and academic experiences. ----Whenever you see that you have written something vague, like this sentence, you should go back and replace it with a sentence that has specific ideas, like the specific ideas you will offer after you have become an authority in your field. The best advice I have for you is like this: Read a few recent journal articles about the areas of specialization that interest you, and mention some of the specific, current topics. Show that you are already jumping into the field. :-)
