As the Chevening's primary focus is on building the requisite leaders essential in Management for the modern day private or public sector cadre of officers.
This sentence above is incomplete. Check carefully, and change it so that it is a complete, proper sentence.
I think too many students begin their essays by saying, 'At a young age, I was interested..." So, it is a cliche, and overused. You can say it in a more meaningful, original way.
that a girls place was not solely as a caregiver at home ------ I agree!! The world would be much better if more female decision-makers were in control. Check this sentence and add an apostrophe: girl's
You should not write it as all one long paragraph. Divide it into several paragraphs, each maybe about 5 sentences long, and let the first paragraph end with a sentence that tells the most important idea of the essay, the one you want the reader to remember.
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