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"young entrepreneurs" - for 'Career plan' essay for Chevening Scholarship

thithinwe 3 / 7 1  
Oct 10, 2018   #1

my goals regarding my further career

Small and medium-sized enterprises(SMEs) are recognised as the backbone of economic growth,contributing significantly to the GDP through job creation and income generation while alleviating poverty.According to the World Bank(2006),close to 140 million SMEs in 130 countries employed around 65 per cent of the workforce.Myanmar is one of the world's least developed countries with lots.of hindrances,such as extreme poverty and brain drain,should prioritize SME growth to leverage its economic development.Now,special attention has been paid by the Government of Myanmar to promote domestic SMEs as a key player for industrialization,income generation and job creation.

I would like to describe my 5 years short term plan after completing my studies.In year one,in order to gain initial investment and adequate shoe design knowledge,I will work in a shoe company.Through SME loans from DaNa programmes funded by UK govvernment,my own finances,and investment from co-partner,I will gather initial fund and shoe designers.At year three,I will study online shoe design course.Actually,I have received unconditional offer from De Montfort University( leicester,UK) with footwear design subject last year.However,I could not join it due to lack of fund.I will set up a small shoe company and will do outsourcing from a France shoe company to receive updated design techniques as France is the nation with latest innovation on design subject.Initially,I will deliver shoes that are compatible with our culture into domestic market.In year three,I will establish Research and Development centre to observe techniques that can innovate high quality shoes.In year four,I will try to gain an online PhD degree that emphasizes on international business and start exporting,and advertise our shoes on well-known websites,like Alibaba.In year five,I will make a strategic alliance from foreign shoe company to be able to stand as an international company in the future.

In long term,I will establish information centre to be helpful for young entrepreneurs in Myanmar by providing necessary information.In remote and mountaineous areas,I will deliver training programs including writing strategies for business plan.I will find a new booming arena to become market leader,such as Nike that supplies high-tech shoes which increase athlete's performance.Then,by combining one shoe design institute in France,I will try to set up a shoe design school here to teach shoe design knowledge to the young,especially women from under priviledged backgrounds with cheap price.Mainly,in the next decade,my aim is to establish a branch in underdeveloping nations once every two years.I will held forums that encourage entrepreneur spirit to the young.

Now,the UK government is keen to support small businesses to become robust and competitive so that they can meet the challenges of a changing Myanmar economy.Chevening scholarship will definitely play a major role in facilitating me to gain adequate skills to establish a small business.It can enable me to work directly with International Development (DFID,UK) in empowering women and other disadvantaged groups and focusing in social and environmental sustainability.
gmeigo9 6 / 20 2  
Oct 10, 2018   #2

In the 2nd paragraph you can modify your first sentence. You dont have to start with "I would like describe", it sounds very passive. Instead, you could start with something like "To pursue my career after completing my studies, I developed a 5 years short term plan". In the 2nd sentence you start with "At year three". Isn't year two?

It is clear in your essay that you admire France shoes heritage, for me, it sounds like you really want to study in France instead of UK. Find a way to talk about France but Keeping clear that UK is were you really want to study.

And the most important thing is the lack on relating UK and your field of work. Find a way to relate why UK would support a business to produce shoes.
OP thithinwe 3 / 7 1  
Oct 10, 2018   #3
Hello gmeigo,I am truely grateful to you for giving me very invaluable advice.I will definitely edit my essay as to your suggestions.In reality,I wrongly wrote 'Year Three' instead of 'Year Two'.I will try my study to relate to 'UK'.Thank a million to give suggestions in a meticulous way.Have a great time.Thanks.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,660 1998  
Oct 10, 2018   #4
Thi Thi, this essay is too long. You should present the essay in no more than 500 words, no less than 100 words. You currently have 528 words which could pose a problem for you because you are not within the required word limits. Revise the essay immediately to be 500 words at the most. The main problem that I see with your essay is that you are referring to the need for further education during the 2nd year of your career plan. Therefore, you are telling the reviewer that the line of study you are planning to undertake on Chevening's tab is useless to your career. Focus your career plan on a presentation that is relevant to the course you will be taking under Chevening sponsorship. The career plan should explain only how the line of study you hope to win the scholarship for will propel your career forward, without the need for additional education.

Your reference with regards to how the UK funded projects can help you with your career are severely under developed. That discussion should be one of the major discussions in this essay. Instead, you are mentioning that critical relationship as a mere footnote that could even be forgotten in the progress of your career. Applicants who show weak UK relationships in their post study plan often find their applications do not go through to the next round of applicant considerations. Please consider that when you revise your essay. You may want to revise your 5 year plan to clearly define how the DFID will be involved in your business development over that time span rather than simply mentioning that you will work with them towards female empowerment and uplifting disadvantaged groups. Opt to present specific DFID projects in relation to your career that you could utilize or work in partnership with the DFID.
OP thithinwe 3 / 7 1  
Oct 10, 2018   #5
Thank you so much Holt.I will revise soon.When I finish all rudimentary essays,I will revise all essays and I will show you for correction.Thank you for your long,very detail explanation.Have a good time.

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