How can I make this fit into the theme?
When I was younger, I wanted to be a firefighter. What kid hasn't. But why is it that almost every child wants to be a firefighter or police officer? How in our younger years we have ambitions of being bigger than life but as we get older our dreams get deferred and our ambition dies. It is a sad state of affairs in a world full of lex luthors not everyone can be a superman. The famous saying states "you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain" . Legendary poet Langston Hughes criticizes deferred dreams but is a dream deferred really a bad thing? According to a reporter's study there are 300,000 empty job spots and by 2025 that margin is said to increase to 700,000. Why is this? According to Dirty Jobs star Mike Rowe, "america has lost respect for middle class skill jobs". This saying is factual. Nobody wants to be an engineer, or a construction worker. Everybody wants to go to college or join the Nba. I respect a person with ambition , I have a lot of it myself. But what happens is people drop out of college freshman year, they don't get that athletic scholarship and there back where they started and that only increases the skills gap. There is something about american history. In my view there is nothing better than to hear about events that reflect American culture. How as a people we went from be the shores of a continent to the modern metropolis we call home. It's enchanting, but out of the 239 years this country has gone through only one describes America at its purest form. 1965. When most people hear that number they think of the Ranger 8 launch or Martin Luther King's march. When I hear it however I think of something that exemplifies America much more. Coming from the a low income area where education was not popular amongst the majority I never grabbed the idea of the real world before high school. I was always thought that better grades would create a better job. Typically in high school people make friends in the first few days, weeks or months. That was not me, I always had trouble making friends. By the end of freshman year I had very few friends. Come sophomore year I was roaming my high school hallways in boredom and I look into this one room and I see a bunch of leaders in red suits. This sparked my interest, I knew something monumental was going on, I just didn't know what. I asked a few members what was SkillsUSA, they gave me their definitions but it wasn't relevant to me.
I really enjoyed the ending of your intro!
I am still not completely sure of what your speech is about.
Your Ideas seem to be a bit mixed up, try to think of what you are trying to say before listing examples. You want to be as clear as possible as to what you are trying to explain to people. I struggle with this too whenever I write. It is almost like you want people to understand something the way YOU understood it, however, is difficult to understand what you are trying to say without you outright saying what you mean. :)
"you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain"
Be careful of what quotes you try to incorporate!!! Do a bit more research on the meaning of this quote, it has more to do with a person;s perception of something being good or bad, than ambition.
Ted, that is one tremendously long introduction for a speech. Consider your speech an essay and keep the introduction simple, concise, and interesting. Cameron is right about your work lacking a central theme. Most likely because you failed to present the central topic of your discussion towards the end of your introduction.
The introduction can be improved by a revision. Make your hook connect to the central theme. Present the topic of the speech anywhere after the first or second sentence. Then go in for a presentation of the overview of your speech. Conclude the introduction with a transition sentence into the first topic that your speech will be presenting.
Overall, you show a good ability for writing. Your thoughts tend to make the speech interesting and should really help you keep your audience attention once you read this speech aloud. Don't be afraid to shorten the speech though. Keep in mind that when a speech rambles on, the audience attention will also tend to wander. So, that said, shortening this introduction and presenting the theme immediately should set you off to a good start.
