I've only commented on 28 essays so far, but many share the same issues. I don't know if this is the right thread to post here, but I really want to mention it.
1. Don't use contractions
. E.g. "do not" instead of "don't", "I am" instead of "I'm", etc.
2. Variety is the spice of life. Vary your vocabulary
, use the thesaurus if you have to. Just don't put the same word twice, it gets repetitive.
3. Alternatively, you can use the rule of three
. You can use it to repeat the same word/phrase/sentence starter three times. You can only repeat it three times, no more no less.
4. You. Yes, you. i know you want to feel like you're reaching out to the reader, but don't put the word "you"
, "your", "yours", or any other form of "you" in your essay. It's informal.
5. What is it about this specific university? Most university prompts are similar, stuff like "How you can contribute to _____ uni", or "How will you interact at ______?" Give specific things about the university. Does it have a special program? Is it awesome (and if so, in what way)? If I were to substitute another university's name into your essay, would the essay still make sense
? If it does, the essay is too general.
6. DO NOT CAPITALIZE
. It is extremely informal and a pain to read.
7. Run-on sentences are extremely long and tiring, and they aren't good for your paragraphs because they are super long and contains way too many ideas, which really need to be separated into different sentences, one for each idea or two, and they are obvious in that if the sentence is longer than two lines, then it is probably a run-on sentence
I hope this helps.