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I've been constantly instilled the idea that one should make use of what he/she has learned.


rayc0702 1 / 1  
Dec 21, 2008   #1
Grew up in traditional Chinese culture, I've been constantly instilled the idea that one should make use of what he/she has learned. Throughout my previous school experience in Chinese education system, which is known for its fastidious standards of intelligence development and widely mistaken for an aberrance of practical instructions, I'd actually strengthened my belief that knowledge is most valuable when it's utilized.

Syracuse's mission of Scholarship in Action sets up a paragon of letting the higher education benefit the society and building up a reciprocal relationship in between. As a first-year applicant whose academic interest is in the field of finance, I'm eager to become a participant of such a constructive mission and let my knowledge do good for my surroundings, especially under the current circumstance, when the unprecedented economic crisis is enervating our society and affecting all the individuals, the importance of financing becomes increasingly manifest for everybody to pull though this hardship.

Back then when I was in China, I didn't fully appreciate how economy impacts on each individual, especially under a communism society where the economy is relatively stable due to the centralization of authority. For me, the term of "finance" merely generalized those tiny red and green numbers blinking on the screen of stock markets, people who "blindly" invest money in this "lottery" game, and the mild shift of commodity prices. My short yet memorable life experience as a US resident has greatly altered my perspective of such a topic. Currently I am living in a community in New York City where most new immigrants chose to settle. In the new economic and social system, our own inadequacy as newcomers might negatively affect our familial financing. For instance, my parents have been constantly struggling with the daily spending on various ends since our arrival. Though adopted a pretty economic and moderate lifestyle, we are still confused by all kinds of bills, services and spending plans, which makes me realized that finance could also be a micro issue that relates to every penny we spend; and scientific instruction and assistant are vigorously needed, not only for my family, but for the whole community.

The mission of Scholarship in Action offered a great opportunity for me to apply my knowledge to the real-world engagement. I would be generous in sharing the information I learned in the classroom with people in need by all kinds of means, ranging from a simple conversation to an instructive speech;Due to my limited ability as an individual, I would be more likely to work in large groups with my peers to implement such an engagement, and that's basically how I anticipate putting scholarship into actions.

(439 words)

I know it's pretty raw so please make some adjustments and corrections on it~

HUGE thanks in advance ^-^
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 22, 2008   #2
Hmmmm . . . the grammar here needs quite a bit of work. Here are a few revisions to get you started.

"Growing up in traditional Chinese culture, I've been constantly instilled with the idea that one should make use of what one has learned."

" . . . and widely mistaken for an aberrance of practical instructions," aberrance isn't the right word here. I'm not quite sure exactly what you a trying to say, but I am quite sure you haven't actually said it.

"Back when I was in China, I didn't fully appreciate how the economy impacts the life of each individual, especially in a communist society where the economy is relatively stable due to the centralization of authority." Also, do you mean that the economy impacts individuals particularly strongly in a communist society (which is what you have said) or that you didn't realize that the economy was so important because you grew up in a communist country (which is what I think you might mean)?
OP rayc0702 1 / 1  
Dec 22, 2008   #3
i know i'm horrible on grammars...sorry about that-__-//

for the second sentence, i actually try to say that chinese education is wrongly recognized as impractical instructions; and the third one, i am actually saying that i didn't realize that the economy was so important because i grew up in a communist country(which is your second guess). so how am i supposed to rephrase them to make them sound natural?

besides these, are there any other major grammar errors that i need to fix? do the structure and development of the essay also need more improvement?

again, thanks a lot!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 22, 2008   #4
Though we have adopted a pretty economic and moderate lifestyle, we are still confused by all kinds of bills, services and spending plans, which makes me realized that finance could also be a micro issue that relates to every penny we spend. Scientific instruction and assistance are vigorously needed, not only for my family, but for the whole community.

...and that's basically how I anticipate putting scholarship into action.

:)
Kevin
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Dec 22, 2008   #5
Well, for the first one: "Chinese education is wrongly viewed as consisting mostly of theoretical, rather than practical instructions"

For the second, "I didn't realize that the economy was so important in the every day lives of individuals because I grew up in a communist country."


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