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|Ugrad DIVE in different culture
2 - taqwa , your essay has good intentions but is really so difficult to read that half the time, what...
Undergraduatetaqwa79 - Dec 27, 2017 / Holt - Dec 27, 2017
|Proving that I will be a succesful student at Johns Hopkins University
3 - hey Danny You have a greatly chosen account which would do with some improvement in the execution.Your script was...
Undergraduatedannylee3782 - Dec 27, 2017 / tmuk - Dec 27, 2017
|A little bit about myself. UGRAD application
2 - Павел, you must never toot your own horn when you write an application essay describing why you might be...
UndergraduatePavelMik - Dec 26, 2017 / Holt - Dec 27, 2017
|Just for fun at the beginning. Rice University Supplemental Essay. Am I being too honest?
4 - Stefany, the main focus of your interest, the beautiful campus, is what makes this a very weak essay. Sure...
Undergraduatestefanyboyas - Dec 26, 2017 / Holt - Dec 27, 2017
|Application to Waterloo - AIF; Admission Information Form
3 - @Holt I've made some changes, hopefully it is better than the previous version. I have always been fascinated...
UndergraduateTesla00 - Dec 26, 2017 / Tesla00 - Dec 26, 2017
|What makes a bowl of cereal? Rice University Perspective Essay Supplement
4 - I really like at what you are aiming for: an addition to the Rice community. You're trying to sell...
UndergraduateJNicEIce18 - Dec 21, 2017 / stefanyboyas - Dec 26, 2017
|Event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world
UndergraduateAKW - Dec 25, 2017 / AKW - Dec 26, 2017
|We make our happy endings
2 - Abdelrhman, there is too much collective discussion in this essay. Refrain from using the term "we" and go with...
Undergraduateabdelrhman99 - Dec 26, 2017 / Holt - Dec 26, 2017
|What is one of your quirks?
Undergraduatejlee18 - Dec 25, 2017 / Holt - Dec 25, 2017
|Personal essey: Apply for New York University in Shanghai
2 - XIN YI, essay that you wrote is not appropriate for the prompt that you chose. This is better suited...
Undergraduatemcyglldt8 - Dec 24, 2017 / Holt - Dec 24, 2017
|I am still experience failures and I am happy with that.
4 - Man, this essay doesn't portray a single obstacle, setback, or failure in your life. Rather these are a series...
UndergraduateMANMAI98 - Dec 24, 2017 / Holt - Dec 24, 2017
|Rice - heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings
2 - Jason, you misdirected the focus of the essay when you brought in the discussion of Arthur Ashe as a...
UndergraduateJSN2018 - Dec 23, 2017 / Holt - Dec 23, 2017
|Personal Essay _ College Application - lessons from challenges, setbacks or failures
2 - Seif , you need to create a more understandable essay. This essay doesn't really portray a proper setback, failure...
UndergraduateXavier26 - Dec 22, 2017 / Holt - Dec 22, 2017
|WHY NYU COLLEGE SUPPLEMENT ESSAY (MAX 400)
2 - Vivian, your response has to be more focused. Right now, you are throwing in ideas that don't really relate...
Undergraduatecatsanddogs - Dec 21, 2017 / Holt - Dec 22, 2017
|Seed - Changing Belief Systems
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Dec 21, 2017 / Holt - Dec 21, 2017
|Essay for opportunity of lifetime - Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program
3 - Hi, Denana! First of all, you should review your essay and pay more attention to grammar, sentence structure, and...
Undergraduatedjenana - Dec 20, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Dec 20, 2017
|Being Chinese and Venezuelan. My two cultures which defined me. Common App essay - Prompt 1
3 - Hi, Michell! Your essay is interesting, but I think that, as Mary said, you should "mix" a little bit...
UndergraduateMichell20 - Dec 20, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Dec 20, 2017
|NTU scholarship essay - a good listener is needed
2 - yasmina, being a good listener does not reflect a value of belief that you should be holding strongly to....
Undergraduatealya14 - Dec 20, 2017 / Holt - Dec 20, 2017
|A healthcare-related experience or interaction that deepened your interest in studying Nursing
2 - Jess , let me stop you right now with the development of this essay. Under absolutely no circumstance can...
Undergraduatejlee18 - Dec 19, 2017 / Holt - Dec 20, 2017
|Endless possibilities awaiting me. Global UGRAD Program candidacy
3 - Lê , the information that you indicated in this essay truly explains why you would make an excellent academic...
Undergraduatelephunghien - Dec 19, 2017 / Holt - Dec 20, 2017
|The graduation ceremony in Japan - your extracurricular activities 250words
4 - Tianhui, this is not a very impressive essay presentation. It is not an activity that you regularly did which...
Undergraduatetenkei - Dec 19, 2017 / Holt - Dec 20, 2017
|Study Plan for Global Korea Scholarship (GKS) Student Exchange Program.
3 - Your essay is overall good. However, I think your reasons for applying GKS is little inconsistent. In the first...
UndergraduateGaiman99 - Dec 18, 2017 / tenkei - Dec 19, 2017
|Correlation between my interests and the possibilities at Purdue University
3 - Tianhui, please consider doing some research regarding Purdue in relation to the type of extra curricular and academic related...
Undergraduatetenkei - Dec 18, 2017 / Holt - Dec 18, 2017
|Common App: Personal essay - Idealistic me
2 - @vabhu12 the dialogue and interaction at the start of the essay is totally unnecessary. You are writing an academic...
Undergraduatevabhu12 - Dec 18, 2017 / Holt - Dec 18, 2017
|Pitzer supplement essay: Sustainability and Social Responsibility
3 - vabhavi, you may want to reconsider the presentation of your activities with the organizations. The purpose of this essay...
Undergraduatevabhu12 - Dec 18, 2017 / Holt - Dec 18, 2017
|The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Dec 16, 2017 / vabhu12 - Dec 18, 2017
|UIUC APP ESSAY - Combining my quantitate and qualitative skills for UIUC
3 - Since your experiment is interesting, I think you can put that part in your first paragraph. It would capture...
Undergraduatenomikaharris - Dec 18, 2017 / tenkei - Dec 18, 2017
|A brief statement outlining your interest in the field of architecture
3 - Tianhui, your statement is more in response to a Fine Arts question rather than an architectural response. Drawing and...
Undergraduatetenkei - Dec 17, 2017 / Holt - Dec 18, 2017
|Spread the positivity! - Global UGRAD program: Why would you be a great participant?
3 - Hi, Lutfia Your essay says a lot about yout personality traits, but it doesn't show them. Maybe, instead...
UndergraduateLutfianuri - Dec 7, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Dec 16, 2017
|USC supplementary essay About Robotics and psychology field
Undergraduatephe201 - Dec 16, 2017 / Holt - Dec 16, 2017
|Write an essay about someone different from yourself who has made an impact on your life?(My friend)
6 - @michelle1234 Hi Michelle, overall I think your essay just lacks of some depth. First of all, why is your...
Undergraduatemichelle1234 - Dec 7, 2017 / Michell20 - Dec 12, 2017
|HKU Personal Statement - Journalism
3 - Julie, your essay is indecisive and portrays a high school senior at a crossroads who has not really made...
Undergraduatejulieng - Dec 11, 2017 / Holt - Dec 12, 2017
|Lost in Canada - Harvard essay; unexpected situations that happened in my life
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Dec 11, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Dec 11, 2017
|Does My Essay Fulfill the Requirements Given: Essay Topic B Apply Texas
4 - @Isabellaalmeida "By reading your essay, you seem to do whatever it takes to achieve your goals ("I'd spend...
UndergraduateLes_Baumann - Dec 11, 2017 / Les_Baumann - Dec 11, 2017
|SOCIALLY AMBIDEXTROUS - CommonApp Personal Statement
6 - I am a fellow student applying to college (you posted on one of my threads earlier today). I hope...
Undergraduateroomonfire - Nov 14, 2017 / TheMistyMolly - Dec 11, 2017
|Spending two years of my life at a hilltop in rural Maharashtra changed my outlook on life
Undergraduatemadiefarts123 - Nov 26, 2017 / roomonfire - Dec 10, 2017
|Life-defining time. Describe the highlights of your most outstanding achievements or contributions
Undergraduateboonjin - Dec 10, 2017 / boonjin - Dec 10, 2017
|Common App Topic A essay and Rice short answers
3 - Also, since it is a top-ranking school, it would offer the best peers. This seems like an obvious...
UndergraduateTheMistyMolly - Dec 7, 2017 / roomonfire - Dec 10, 2017
|Shapeshifter - College essay about self love and realization of ones self
4 - From a person who is non religious (like the other colleges you are applying to), I think this is...
UndergraduateNathanEtta - Nov 30, 2017 / TheMistyMolly - Dec 7, 2017
|This prestigious university Texas A&M will put me in the best position possible to reach my goals
2 - Mario, the response that you gave is not really impressive nor complete. The first paragraph contains irrelevant information from...
Undergraduatealberto936 - Dec 3, 2017 / Holt - Dec 4, 2017
|Hoping to grow my knowledge and experience at UNCW, Admission Essay
2 - Aaron, the first paragraph is superfluous in the essay. It only delivers a background of how you worked with...
UndergraduateChacobos - Dec 3, 2017 / Holt - Dec 4, 2017
|The bland food reflects my bland, although exciting, life - CWM Essay
2 - Jingxuan, you should try to combine your point of view about life with your love for bland food. You...
UndergraduateJingxuan - Dec 3, 2017 / Holt - Dec 3, 2017
|Essay about learning how to ride a bike and what it taught me
Undergraduatemmeneses - Dec 2, 2017 / mmeneses - Dec 2, 2017
|Essay on a career. Out of hundreds of thousands of careers out there, it is hard to pick just one.
2 - Arjun , your essay does not provide the required explanation for your response. First up, you need to choose...
Undergraduatextrimix - Dec 2, 2017 / Holt - Dec 2, 2017
|Cultural disassociation through my name change
Undergraduateclin8167 - Nov 30, 2017 / clin8167 - Nov 30, 2017
|I want to be at a school that makes me happy - FIT Admissions Essay
3 - Pili, your essay will be better served if you remove the unrelated first paragraph. That is nothing more than...
Undergraduatepili - Nov 29, 2017 / Holt - Nov 30, 2017
|How are you a leader and how will this show on campus?
2 - Jay, there is no true leadership role included in this essay. You are only implying that you have played...
Undergraduatejrd519 - Nov 29, 2017 / Holt - Nov 30, 2017
|USC Undergad Supplemental Essay - Why USC? Major: Communications 2nd choice: International Studies
4 - Hello, You will need to dive a little deeper here. There are a few Annenberg school of communications...
Undergraduateryanjtran - Nov 28, 2017 / admission2012 - Nov 29, 2017
|I am applying to UBC and in the application form, it requires me to write an essay about myself
6 - This essay is not too coherent. In any event, all they are asking you is "What are you passionate...
Undergraduatebenamilada - Nov 27, 2017 / admission2012 - Nov 29, 2017
|UBC - Tell us more about one or two activities
4 - Hi Michell! I also agree with Holt and @Lyipheoryia, and I want to add maybe you should connect those...
UndergraduateMichell20 - Nov 28, 2017 / benamilada - Nov 29, 2017
|My deep desire to help others. UBC Personal Profile
2 - Enyo, you missed the total point of the prompt you were asked to respond to. The most important aspect...
UndergraduateLyipheoryia - Nov 29, 2017 / Holt - Nov 29, 2017
|Alone at home. This is the Intro to a very personal UC admissions essay.
6 - @Holisuna You still have a lot to develop on your essay. I think your paragraph is just fine as...
UndergraduateHolisuna - Nov 25, 2017 / Michell20 - Nov 27, 2017
|Being an outcast in my community. What do I value about Columbia?
2 - Daryl, don't just focus on the social inclusiveness as the value that you hope to pursue and achieve when...
Undergraduatekainakoa808 - Nov 27, 2017 / Holt - Nov 27, 2017
|My academic record is a mirror of myself
2 - Jay, you should be saying that the grades reflected in your academic record are NOT an accurate representation of...
Undergraduatejrd519 - Nov 27, 2017 / Holt - Nov 27, 2017
|STUDY PLAN. I would like to ask if the Canada embassy will help me to achieve my goals
Undergraduatefahme - Nov 22, 2017 / jrd519 - Nov 27, 2017
|If You could have any career, what would it be? (technology)
2 - Jay, this is a pretty good response. It lays the foundation for your interest in code. However, it doesn't...
Undergraduatejrd519 - Nov 26, 2017 / Holt - Nov 27, 2017
|My Struggle Through Teen Bullying/Suicide -Common App Prompt
4 - @jiholee5217 Hello! I totally agree with Holt. I believe that you should you Hannah only as a catalyst to...
Undergraduatejiholee5217 - Nov 16, 2017 / madiefarts123 - Nov 25, 2017
|What's the probability of existing? Make something out of it!
4 - hello isabella, I didn't really get carried along in your essay, I got lost at some point, I don't...
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 25, 2017 / Codex1717 - Nov 25, 2017
|What are the things most crucial to you and why?
7 - hello warisha, i agree strongly with isabella, recounting an experience that reflects your desire for personal growth will help...
UndergraduateWarisha - Nov 24, 2017 / Codex1717 - Nov 25, 2017
|Being Indifferent - Tell us about who you are. UBC
UndergraduateMichell20 - Nov 24, 2017 / Michell20 - Nov 24, 2017
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