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|My friend Roberto & his sense of humor; DESCRIBE A PERSON
UndergraduateJulieta_21 - Feb 18, 2013 / dumi - Feb 19, 2013
|" I was always told to strive and be the greatest" ; Temple U; 10 - year reunion
2 - Looks good, just needs some technical work. My quest in try replacing in with "to become" or something...
Undergraduatejwallis - Feb 18, 2013 / temberger93 - Feb 18, 2013
|"I'm a young female mogul before I'm an artist", Nicki Minaj; Person with influence
5 - Nicki Minaj is definitely a tough woman to write as "influential" but I think you did a great job....
UndergraduatePGSJ - Feb 16, 2013 / danimeep - Feb 18, 2013
|I hope to refine my Italian; Portland- Lewis&Clark TRANSFER
3 - I'm not sure what you mean by- "I don't think they'll really be ranking this one" Can you explain?...
Undergraduatedanimeep - Feb 18, 2013 / danimeep - Feb 18, 2013
|Want to make a difference in the World; Why am I the perfect candidate?
Undergraduatenja2497 - Feb 18, 2013 / nja2497 - Feb 18, 2013
|An encounter with a Beggar and her starving child; Seattle U - Good Match
3 - Thank you guys so much I really appreciated all of the comments and revision. You guys really helped me...
Undergraduateanniesis27 - Feb 16, 2013 / anniesis27 - Feb 18, 2013
|Meaningful Coincidences, Steve Jobs Connecting the Dot NUS Essay
UndergraduateKelvinlimjk - Feb 17, 2013 / Kelvinlimjk - Feb 18, 2013
|Best UGrad Eng Prog by US New ranking; U Maryland-Engineering / Academic Exp, Reasons
3 - thanks , i'll do some improvements. it's quite difficult because english is not my native language :) i appreciate...
UndergraduateILIFILZA - Feb 15, 2013 / ILIFILZA - Feb 17, 2013
|I maintain all As & in the top 10; Earlham C- Why I'm academically prepared!
3 - I agree with the above corrections. Also: I believe my academic preparation has prepared me to attend Earlham...
Undergraduateserdarovez - Feb 17, 2013 / PA Applicant - Feb 17, 2013
|I have the traits of a mover; U PENN: Ben Franklin (immovable, movable, move)
Undergraduateandroid21 - Feb 17, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Feb 17, 2013
|Tastes/ Languages/ Religions; Summer Internship - Diversity; Interests/ Background
3 - Thanks so much! Yeah I've deleted some of the less interesting paragraphs and decided to put my fccus on...
Undergraduatenja2497 - Feb 17, 2013 / nja2497 - Feb 17, 2013
|Behavirol Financial Class/ Wharton Retail Club; U PENN- HOW I'll ENGAGE ACADEMICALLY
4 - Thanks. Lol. The "I" thing is really embarrassing. In my defense I threw the essay together just to see...
Undergraduateandroid21 - Feb 12, 2013 / android21 - Feb 17, 2013
|HARD WORKING & GOOD EDUCATION; U TORONTO- Engineering/ Skills/ Extracurricular
2 - Its a really good written essay, You have an awesome introduction But i think you should work on your...
Undergraduatemausami - Feb 16, 2013 / serdarovez - Feb 17, 2013
|Desire to Help people; TRANSFER - Changing major to nursing/ what led the decision?
2 - I think you need to work more on the essay, my personal suggestion is maybe with the first essay...
Undergraduatelittleone - Feb 17, 2013 / somedaysoon - Feb 17, 2013
|Career in the computing industry ; Goals at Queen's University and beyond
3 - These sound like just statements. Why don't you tell them what your goal is and how Queesn's capabilities...
Undergraduateca12et - Feb 15, 2013 / dumi - Feb 17, 2013
|I wasn't a strong testtaker; PERSONAL INFO, HARDSHIPS / CHALLENGES / OPPORTUNITIES
UndergraduateR0SE - Feb 14, 2013 / dumi - Feb 17, 2013
|EDUCATION, a light to one's path; HOWARD U- Strengths/ weaknesses/motivation
3 - Well.... I am not really favor in "formidable" for this sentence, it goes more with "power" than "intelligence"....
Undergraduatetheword18 - Feb 14, 2013 / dumi - Feb 17, 2013
|COMBINATION OF FIELDS; Fermilab Internship- Interests, motivation/ Goals & plans
Undergraduateankitrohan1 - Feb 16, 2013 / dumi - Feb 16, 2013
|My past made me who I am today; HOWARD - Strengths, weaknesses, motivation
Undergraduatebrialove - Feb 16, 2013 / dumi - Feb 16, 2013
|How I Will Engage Academically At Penn: A Smorgasbord of Programs
4 - I feel like you can condense many sentences because it seems like a lot of them are saying the...
Undergraduatetemberger93 - Feb 15, 2013 / appassionata - Feb 16, 2013
|How I envision my studies at COA/ Career Goals
Undergraduateserdarovez - Feb 10, 2013 / hockeystud911 - Feb 16, 2013
|My life time goal has always been to own a restaurant; GOALS (350 Words)
UndergraduateGdelgado88 - Feb 15, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Feb 15, 2013
|Social, inclined towards research; LOR for graduate studies(EE) from professor
3 - Thank you nissig for your suggestions..i edited accordingly and have made some minor changes as well..would you please check...
Undergraduateradiance - Feb 14, 2013 / radiance - Feb 15, 2013
|Women's intellectualism; Smith college transfer - Specific aspects
5 - Yep... what I actually meant was that I found you can bring up your African femininity and strong...
Undergraduateanniesis27 - Feb 14, 2013 / dumi - Feb 15, 2013
|Temple is my first choice; 10-year reunion & alumni essay; Temple University
NEW - The Prompt is Imagine you have graduated from Temple University. You are preparing to attend your 10-year reunion, and...
Undergraduatetheword18 - Feb 14, 2013 / — -
|'A Coercive Passage' - Yongzheng Emperor (Common App historical figure)
3 - "No gold is completely pure" in chinese culture "gold" always copper. The pure copper is red. It derectly translation...
Undergraduaterlyin0171 - Feb 10, 2013 / celestialnese - Feb 14, 2013
|Transcendental opportunity to travel while studying; QUEENS U- Goals
2 - (Sorry, I'm not really a professional! But here are some of my suggestions and comments.) Queen's is not...
Undergraduatecoolillboi - Feb 14, 2013 / helppleasee - Feb 14, 2013
|Plans upon graduation and the future/ APU admissions essay #2
2 - You have participated many various activities, but I don't see their influences on you. I think you should write...
Undergraduaterejinregine - Feb 14, 2013 / rlyin0171 - Feb 14, 2013
|Science speaks to me; Queens science undergraduate program
Undergraduatebaharak - Feb 13, 2013 / dumi - Feb 14, 2013
|QUEENS is my Cinderella slipper; Research done for QUEENS COMMERCE PROGRAM
UndergraduateAndreiLyskov - Feb 13, 2013 / dumi - Feb 14, 2013
|A challenging experience and what i've learned from it; defining moments for a person
Undergraduatecoolillboi - Feb 13, 2013 / coolillboi - Feb 14, 2013
|Elite education for building a career in Engineering; Benefit from education at AUC?
3 - I have been challenged with the mission of finding the most appropriate university for my higher studies in...
UndergraduateJoey1919 - Feb 13, 2013 / dumi - Feb 14, 2013
|Everything is about Choices- COMMON APP/ Hardships
Undergraduatejorgearmando18 - Feb 4, 2013 / jorgearmando18 - Feb 13, 2013
|Integrating to Queens community/ Participating in DECA& QEC - My goals for Queens
4 - dumi hmm.. okay makes sense thanks! So something along the lines of the small class sizes, etc.?...
UndergraduateAndreiLyskov - Feb 12, 2013 / AndreiLyskov - Feb 13, 2013
|WANT TO EXCEL; U Washington Transfer-Personal Statement; Electrical Engineering Major
7 - I dont know how this looks like, but the questions are not really related to each other. So i...
Undergraduatectsay12 - Feb 11, 2013 / ctsay12 - Feb 13, 2013
|Patience, Persistence and perspiration ;SOP for Masters in Germany - LETTER OF INTENT
3 - Thanks a lot Dumi..!! Tat was really helpful..so how's other parts of ma sop...?? Thank again....
Undergraduatemanusimha - Feb 12, 2013 / manusimha - Feb 13, 2013
|IMPACT OF HOCKEY; UW seattle - PERSONAL STATEMENT
Undergraduatehockeystud911 - Feb 12, 2013 / hockeystud911 - Feb 13, 2013
|"If you work your butt off and stay dedicated, success will surely come" -BEST ADVICE
Undergraduateelissa2013 - Feb 12, 2013 / dumi - Feb 13, 2013
|I am choosing Japan to continue my further education/ Reasons to attend APU
2 - This is not badly written... But I wish if you presented it in a bit more creative manner. As...
Undergraduaterejinregine - Feb 13, 2013 / dumi - Feb 13, 2013
|Inspiration at the Hospital- University of Washington Transfer Personal Statement
4 - The cleanliness and the serenity along with the bustling and hustling of patients and family members and nurses were...
Undergraduatebrendaaa1329 - Feb 11, 2013 / linadu95 - Feb 13, 2013
|QLEAD delegate; Queen's Commerce Prog - Research/ right fit
2 - Growing up with a father who is a serious stock trader, sparked my curiosity about the world from...
Undergraduatemayfl0wer - Feb 13, 2013 / dumi - Feb 13, 2013
|Chartered Accountant - Schulich School-Business Admin
9 - I'd suggest you talk about some of the things that Schulich offers that other schools dont. (Maybe a co-op...
Undergraduatetheillest - Feb 1, 2013 / AndreiLyskov - Feb 12, 2013
|"Don't wait until someone says you are great" ; The Best Advice
4 - You should give some examples of how exactly you followed her advice. (E.g. people thought you were bad at...
UndergraduateHenryAmber - Feb 8, 2013 / AndreiLyskov - Feb 12, 2013
|Ohio state app; What I look forward for next 4 years thay may surprise others
6 - I think you should get an english teacher to proof read that, there are a lot of grammatical errors...
UndergraduateAndream1 - Feb 10, 2013 / AndreiLyskov - Feb 12, 2013
|A Mind for Nursing and Midwifery-UT Austin NURSING TRANSFER Statement of Purpose
Undergraduateinherbluehands - Feb 11, 2013 / inherbluehands - Feb 12, 2013
|Transfer Upenn supplement - Benjamin Franklin quote. Multi-dimensionality
Undergraduateeam2 - Feb 10, 2013 / dumi - Feb 11, 2013
|College Paper : Memoirs, personal narrative.
Undergraduateggplz - Feb 11, 2013 / android21 - Feb 11, 2013
|My best friend, The person who has inspired your life the most
3 - Its a good start. But tell us how she inspired you, what as a person made her inspiring? Give...
UndergraduateZeisha - Feb 11, 2013 / tiff_007 - Feb 11, 2013
|Out-of-State University ; Transfer- What excites me about GW Commnunity
Undergraduateyeseniapereyra - Feb 10, 2013 / dumi - Feb 11, 2013
|A-S.T.A.R.-Y Weekend at a home within my home"; Tobin Hill/ UT-Personal interaction
3 - Thank you...
Undergraduatey2kendoll - Jan 10, 2013 / y2kendoll - Feb 11, 2013
|Breaking the glass ceiling amongst women in Engineering - UofT Engineering SPF
4 - You have nicely presented this... It speaks well about your character, background and will. However, other than the Nalalie...
Undergraduatemnou - Feb 10, 2013 / dumi - Feb 11, 2013
|"Difference is the essence"; U Washington/SeattleTransfer - Personal Statement
UndergraduateEvan9221 - Feb 7, 2013 / Evan9221 - Feb 10, 2013
|"From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way," says Calvin in the comic strip "
4 - Hello dear paraht . i have a filing that i have already read your essay :) just strange filling...
UndergraduateParahat95 - Jan 7, 2013 / serdarovez - Feb 10, 2013
|Sister diagnosed with EPILEPSY; U Richmond Transfer/ EXPERIENCE leaving comfort zone
4 - I expressed you my concern because I feel this is not exactly in line with what they expect. However,...
Undergraduatecpdphilippe - Feb 9, 2013 / dumi - Feb 10, 2013
|IMAGE OF MY TRIBE; Difference in community; What you learned from that experience?
2 - I represent a tribal community in Pakistan which had traditionally been regarded as aggressive and rude. During my Ordinary...
UndergraduateAryanK - Feb 10, 2013 / dumi - Feb 10, 2013
|Why waterloo; Why software engineering; Why CS
UndergraduateVVCepheiA - Feb 8, 2013 / dumi - Feb 10, 2013
|University of Texas Transfer application! Personal statement- Learning From my city
2 - This is beautifully presented. But if you are desperate in cutting down the word count, take a few things...
Undergraduatelexineeb - Feb 8, 2013 / dumi - Feb 9, 2013
|MAJOR Career Change - UW Tacoma Transfer Personal Statement
Undergraduatetheapocalypse - Feb 6, 2013 / dumi - Feb 9, 2013
|Explore my passion for science in depth; Transfer Essay
3 - the prompt is.. Please provide a statement (appr. 250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives...
Undergraduatejpsmyth - Feb 7, 2013 / jpsmyth - Feb 8, 2013
|The not so straight path - University of Washington - Transfer Personal Statement
UndergraduateRuckus - Feb 6, 2013 / dumi - Feb 8, 2013
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