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|CROSS CULTURAL EXPERIENCE; Brandeis International Business School(Int Econ&Finance)
NEW - I am applying for Brandeis International Business School, program of international Economics and Finance. Here is one essay of...
Undergraduateptlove4ever - Jan 13, 2013 / — -
|How Doctor Who influenced me; COMMON APP/ Character in fiction
NEW - so i really really need help with my essay. Can you please looks over my essay for the common...
Undergraduatecaitmarie - Jan 12, 2013 / — -
|Greek mythology ; COMMON APP - What fascinates me!
UndergraduateIskander - Jan 11, 2013 / y2kendoll - Jan 12, 2013
|CULTURAL HISTORY; Denison - Personal experience with diversity
Undergraduatekatev - Jan 12, 2013 / katev - Jan 12, 2013
|Rummaging through Photos and falling sky; World I come from
2 - The first essay does a good job at detailing your background, but it does not discuss your dreams and...
Undergraduatesephyleader - Jan 12, 2013 / Th25cc - Jan 12, 2013
|I was chosen as the leader of my team; COMMON APP - Challenging moment
Undergraduatemakeit2013 - Jan 12, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 12, 2013
|College experience and becoming an Eagle; Emory Transfer Student
Undergraduatenicolettec18 - Jan 12, 2013 / — -
|'Peer Advocate' - (Applying to Emory and UM as a Transfer Student)
5 - I go to University of Miami and I think that one thing this school really appreciates is diversity and...
UndergraduateAshley3291 - Jan 1, 2013 / nicolettec18 - Jan 12, 2013
|Combining ability to design and build structures; Ryerson U- Why Architctual science?
2 - I think you need to write less about your education, which they will already know about looking at your...
Undergraduatealvinoswim - Jan 12, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 12, 2013
|Milestone for our company; Business Management and Marketing- UK Personal Statement
5 - Colin Powell once said: "There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and...
Undergraduateveronica100 - Jan 8, 2013 / veronica100 - Jan 12, 2013
|Religion, the watchful protector along the path; Harvard/ Topic of Choice
21 - Well, I was just being honest with what I felt. Instead of asking others to comment your essay and...
Undergraduatedwangus - Jan 8, 2013 / Ariel421 - Jan 12, 2013
|Guilt; Union College - What frightens you?
3 - Thanks for your reply, it helps! Actually, "a very strong sense of ethics" is part of what I want...
UndergraduateVVCepheiA - Jan 11, 2013 / VVCepheiA - Jan 12, 2013
|Carleton community/ Rich education/ Access to professors; WHY CARLETON?
3 - Indeed, I should be more specific. I was very broad. Thank you for that input, I will work on...
Undergraduatespongiee - Jan 11, 2013 / spongiee - Jan 11, 2013
|Public speaking/ California; Moment of success/ Neighborhood
3 - Unfortunately, the universe has a funny habit of conspiring against the desires of most people....
UndergraduateAquile - Jan 11, 2013 / thestarfus - Jan 11, 2013
|Irrational exuberance in metropolis; UW-MADISON - Something went unnoticed
2 - I got that you are a very observant, conscientious, and compassionate person. I would like some more past and...
Undergraduatehtg100 - Jan 11, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 11, 2013
|Biofuel Research Program/ Metro Magic Lacrosse;Common App- Summer Activity(2 options)
3 - I like the second one better because it shows the passion you have for lacrosse. I think that the...
Undergraduatejmg - Jan 10, 2013 / jenarevalo15 - Jan 11, 2013
|Cultural barriers/ Forming friendships; LOYOLA MARYMOUNT/ Critical Thinking
4 - We're doing the same prompt! :) While your story is definitely captivating and is sure to grab the reader's...
Undergraduatecarolynxpark - Jan 4, 2013 / jenarevalo15 - Jan 11, 2013
|Ambition to learn and ability to adapt and persevere - How I enrich CU community
3 - thanks!!...
UndergraduateAlizej17 - Jan 11, 2013 / Alizej17 - Jan 11, 2013
|"I aspire to become a pediatric nurse"UCLA Nursing Statement of Purpose
3 - Yeah, i figured. It's only halfway done, so I haven't gotten to most of the questions yet. Thanks for...
Undergraduatesdelicana - Jan 11, 2013 / sdelicana - Jan 11, 2013
|Why Reed; My high school experience and how it shaped my interest in Reed
2 - Definitely needs a stronger first sentence, do not start with Being From that moment forward there was only...
Undergraduatezdoogy - Jan 11, 2013 / manjot - Jan 11, 2013
|I am the girl with the curly hair ; COMMON APP - About Myself
6 - Describe your hair at the start of the essay, adds context to it , There is no specific characteristic...
Undergraduatekarita7alicia - Jan 10, 2013 / manjot - Jan 11, 2013
|I believe in art/ YALE / Something you need to tell us
5 - They want to know more about you, so the second one explains that best. I like the first one,...
Undergraduatemercedes1923 - Dec 29, 2012 / sdelicana - Jan 11, 2013
|History, and mathematics have captured me and never let goCornell sup
10 - I think so. Maybe change your second to last sentence to something like this... "At USC, I plan to...
Undergraduateabulkhair37 - Dec 25, 2012 / Lollifroll - Jan 10, 2013
|Football/Asian/High School experience; Georgia Tech- Roommate letter
4 - I did take that into consideration when suggested. Did not know how much to add. I was told there...
Undergraduateitsfoo24 - Jan 6, 2013 / itsfoo24 - Jan 10, 2013
|Completely different college; Boston University Transfer
Undergraduatebrie270 - Jan 10, 2013 / JMitchell159 - Jan 10, 2013
|Egypt and diversity;Colgate Community - beyond scholastic and extracurricular
5 - In my opinion you could change the quote into : In order to broaden my perspectives I started to...
Undergraduatesoso96 - Jan 10, 2013 / abulkhair37 - Jan 10, 2013
|Singing/Caring for grandma; GEORGETOWN - Me & Experience
4 - Your second essay is amazing!! The first paragraph really draws you in, and makes me want to admit you,...
Undergraduatesamanthaaaj - Jan 10, 2013 / jmg - Jan 10, 2013
|Resources/Academics/Environment ; UNC - My reasons for TRANSFER
2 - I don't know what your talking about about being a bad writer! Your writing is very good, and overall...
Undergraduatedajenki3 - Jan 10, 2013 / jmg - Jan 10, 2013
|Innovative products/ Nerd; USC(Engineering)- Benefit society?/ GEEK or NERD?
Undergraduaterocksolid93 - Jan 10, 2013 / admission2012 - Jan 10, 2013
|In all of my life, I had never ridden a bike; Roommate Letter
2 - Wow... for a last minute essay. I believe you gave plenty of insight into what you can accomplish and...
Undergraduatejohnsonjazism - Jan 10, 2013 / y2kendoll - Jan 10, 2013
|Shadowing Ogechi/ Rating/Opportunities; How you learned about NJIT & Why applying?
2 - Hello, So you participated in upward bound---a very good program. This program really helps high school students learn...
Undergraduatejeshuaekwe - Jan 10, 2013 / admission2012 - Jan 10, 2013
|Hospital intern in research lab; Extracurricular/ work experiences
3 - As I stepped into the doctor's office I was filled with anxiety, yet completely eager. All throughout my life...
Undergraduatejpsmyth - Jan 10, 2013 / jpsmyth - Jan 10, 2013
|CrossFit: A new age of fitness research paper
UndergraduateWelky24 - Jan 10, 2013 / jpsmyth - Jan 10, 2013
|The land of opportunities; Berea Essay- Education+ Life experience Overview/ Plans
6 - The land of opportunities, the dream land, the land of luxury are just some of the names used to...
Undergraduatemoon05 - Jan 10, 2013 / dpmg945 - Jan 10, 2013
|Family convinced me my limits; Tufts Sup, How did your environment influence you
5 - this is a small issue, but it is well-written which makes it more interesting. have you submitted your application...
Undergraduatesjmzzz95 - Jan 1, 2013 / jpsmyth - Jan 10, 2013
|Sense of Independence, Witness bigger & better things; TRANSFER OBJECTIVES - NYU
Undergraduatekmcdonou - Jan 10, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 10, 2013
|UofM Ross School of Business: Starting your own organization or project
9 - You can begin by an experience of yours or give parts about history where assumptions were proven wrong, there...
Undergraduateukierunner - Nov 11, 2009 / manjot - Jan 10, 2013
|"Love of the criminal mindset" / COMMON APP
Undergraduatelizzyventura - Jan 9, 2013 / lizzyventura - Jan 10, 2013
|Eugene Lang : A time when I was in the minority.
Undergraduatethaonguyen1901 - Jan 7, 2013 / thaonguyen1901 - Jan 10, 2013
|66 nursing home/ COVE; Colgate/ Community essay
UndergraduateAriel421 - Jan 1, 2013 / Ariel421 - Jan 10, 2013
|I am a social, life-loving person; Personal Statement for Psychology
2 - I don't familiar with UK PS and don't know if the requirement and type are any different from the...
Undergraduateorchid_elutza - Jan 8, 2013 / maerd2012 - Jan 10, 2013
|Nanotechnology&Passion for making a difference in Africa;"Why Engineering @ Michigan"
2 - You wrote about your interest and passion to engineering through the entire essay, and it would be better if...
Undergraduatekorey24 - Jan 9, 2013 / maerd2012 - Jan 10, 2013
|"God has a plan for us" - I had to move from Virginia to Arizona, I left my comfort zone
Undergraduatejmd69 - Jan 9, 2013 / katev - Jan 10, 2013
|UNC - Chapel Hill Supplement Essay: Message in a Bottle
2 - This is a beautifully written essay. I just have a couple comments. 1. Do not use "you". This is...
UndergraduateJMitchell159 - Jan 9, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 9, 2013
|Planning, worrying, and executing - Georgia Tech /"Best advice I've ever received"
4 - Huh, interesting. Learn something new everyday! Just another point I missed; I understand where worry is coming...
UndergraduateAmoebaMan - Jan 9, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 9, 2013
|A Frog Among the Fish; Supplement about being Brazilian
10 - Wow thank you for revising the whole essay!! What do you think about my examples of failures in the...
Undergraduatelilyraquel52 - Jan 6, 2013 / lilyraquel52 - Jan 9, 2013
|My own little interesting world; Georgetown Self Description Essay
Undergraduatealyradia - Jan 9, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 9, 2013
|'Winning the Green Card lottery' - CommonApp MAIN ESSAY; No longer a wallflower
Undergraduatebr2pi5 - Jan 1, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 9, 2013
|'garbage collector' - GEORGETOWN SUP/ How I describe me best
5 - don't use 'educated' in a way that suggests you are 'educated' and everyone else is illiterate 'trash' (excuse the...
Undergraduatebi123 - Jan 8, 2013 / alyradia - Jan 9, 2013
|My research in a more real-world setting; Penn/Engage academically (for a Transfer)
3 - Ah, I forgot about the em-dash. Much obliged. As for the anecdote, I strongly want to start with...
UndergraduateTheColtony - Jan 9, 2013 / TheColtony - Jan 9, 2013
|"my dream of modeling" - college admission writting--special talents, interests
5 - These are possibly slightly too humerous. Perhaps go with something that has the potential for a moral message or...
UndergraduateBella329 - Jun 15, 2010 / alyradia - Jan 9, 2013
|Czech descent; Common App - Intercultural/Creative Opportunity
2 - Content wise, essays B-D are fine. You seem to disregard the prompt for response A. I don't see a...
UndergraduateMrHotWaffles - Jan 9, 2013 / Th25cc - Jan 9, 2013
|Science & Math/ Coherant framework/ Better World;Common App/ Subjects excelled
3 - Throughout all of my years inmy high school career , I have showed academic excellence in the subjects of...
Undergraduatefsolano94 - Jan 6, 2013 / Rez03 - Jan 9, 2013
|Lifelong journey with no end / FSU/ LEARNING
2 - Thanks I really appreciated your help and I'm going to change a few things based on what you corrected...
Undergraduateorchsley - Jan 7, 2013 / orchsley - Jan 9, 2013
|International Center of Photography; NYC- Statement of Intentions
UndergraduateFlorenceCr - Jan 9, 2013 / FlorenceCr - Jan 9, 2013
|GATES MILLENNIUM SCHOLARS; LONG& Short term GOALS
Undergraduatedj1229 - Jan 9, 2013 / lexilex1995 - Jan 9, 2013
|Smoking benefits only the companies who sell cigarettes
2 - A cigarette is a cylinder shaped paper that is filled with tobacco leaves for people to smoke. Companies make...
UndergraduateRawan AlMuaili - Jan 9, 2013 / Jennyflower81 - Jan 9, 2013
|Facination over human brain/ Experience & aphasia center; SLP/ PERSONAL STATEMENT
3 - I read and spoted a few areas that repeat previous statements that you had wrote. In my opinion you...
Undergraduatejholt - Jan 9, 2013 / andrew127128 - Jan 9, 2013
|Volunteering @ Neonatal Intensice care unit; COMMON APP/ EXTRACURRICULARS
NEW - HI !! i would appreciate it of you guys could read my short answer essay for the common app....
Undergraduatemoarsauce - Jan 9, 2013 / — -
|New and different experience; Why the summer challenge at boston university?
Undergraduatedeepika1996 - Jan 9, 2013 / racoon - Jan 9, 2013
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