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|Significant Experience; Racism, Diversity, Acceptance -UofM Common App
4 - elizd04671 Correction on my own comment, sorry ... Instead, "I never thought my situation would end up the...
Undergraduateshaonislam - Jan 28, 2013 / elizd04671 - Jan 28, 2013
|Describe academic interests; 'When the people I love are happy, I am happy'
Undergraduateelizd04671 - Jan 28, 2013 / elizd04671 - Jan 28, 2013
|Wally joined army; Quirky sense of humour for Caltech
5 - If I was an admissions officer you'd be in. This essay Is really funny. But like Katev i'm wondering,...
Undergraduateandresgualde - Jan 1, 2013 / LarryHoover - Jan 28, 2013
|MEXICAN AMERICAN/ALFREDO QUINONES-HINOJOSA; Experiences -Promotion of DIVERSITY
5 - Maybe I would just focus on your experience working at the clinic and your impression of Dr. QuiĂąones-Hinojosa, which...
Undergraduateyasvega13 - Jan 26, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 28, 2013
|Common App- UM Ann Arbor- Supplement Essay- Why Michigan (regular decision)
NEW - Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual...
UndergraduateLarryHoover - Jan 28, 2013 / — -
|WATCHING GLEE; UVA / Like, but pretend I dont
3 - Nice. One good thing about you essay is that its interesting. I can't say that about 80% of the...
Undergraduateholmes01234 - Jan 1, 2013 / LarryHoover - Jan 28, 2013
|Study Abroad Semester At Sea 'Throwing the textbook out the window'
Undergraduatejoey18 - Jan 22, 2013 / rcamp92 - Jan 28, 2013
|Ability to adapt & adjust; McMaster health sci - WELL EDUCATED?
Undergraduatewaldo01 - Jan 28, 2013 / waldo01 - Jan 28, 2013
|My mom's perseverance; Family & family's contribution to my education
UndergraduateWolves23f - Jan 27, 2013 / waldo01 - Jan 28, 2013
|Herd Mentality; UT Austin(Part 2) / Issue of Importance
6 - Hey, thanks for your feedbacks but I have started on a completely different essay and have posted it up....
Undergraduatenair - Dec 20, 2012 / nair - Jan 27, 2013
|PART TIME CASHIER/ SECRETARY OF COLLEGE LIFE COM; extracurricular/ work experiences
2 - I hate being an idle. Consequently,I always keep myself busy. writing thank you notes, tracking all members...
UndergraduateMelodyK - Jan 27, 2013 / iamnicholas1 - Jan 27, 2013
|AMAZING OPPORTUNITY for LOW INCOME STUDENTS; Upward Bound Bridgee
Undergraduaterachael13 - Jan 26, 2013 / rachael13 - Jan 27, 2013
|United States Naval Academy- Admission Essay on my interest in Military Service!
8 - Don't worry about exceeding the limit. I (or someone else) can easily remove the unnecessary words. Your...
UndergraduateLiamgtc - Jan 26, 2013 / jkjeremy - Jan 27, 2013
|My passion made me a geek; USC Viterbi supplement: Nerd or Geek?
8 - smellybuns It is really good! I like it! I am filling the same application but I have no idea...
Undergraduatesmellybuns - Jan 10, 2013 / MelodyK - Jan 27, 2013
|Medicine or engineering or..., and why?; UVA's supplement in common app.
NEW - If you are applying to the Architecture, Commerce, Education, Engineering, Public Policy or Nursing Schools, tell us why you...
Undergraduateakabirpo - Jan 27, 2013 / — -
|The American University in Cairo - Admission Essay - benefits from the education at AUC
NEW - Please tell me if this is at a good level and whether parts need changing. *An essay on the...
Undergraduatemohamed37 - Jan 27, 2013 / — -
|Caring for my sick father / Wanted-Life-Long Career in Nursing
3 - The part I highlighted disturbs your flow :( ... I guess you worked full time after college .......
Undergraduatecarlbunch5 - Jan 26, 2013 / dumi - Jan 27, 2013
|"Imitation is suicide" ; Berkeley's HAAS business school U Transfer/ Personal
UndergraduateRafsun - Jan 25, 2013 / Rafsun - Jan 27, 2013
|Cartwheels at 70; FIT admission/ Why I'm a perfect candidate?/ My major
5 - siobhan613 I was watching a recap of NY fashion week and found out that a favorite designer of mine...
Undergraduatesiobhan613 - Jan 18, 2013 / iwantagoodfutur - Jan 27, 2013
|I could not escape my twisted fate; RICHMOND APP; EXPERIENCE
10 - Hey! @didgeridoo Do you think you can help me read over another one of my essays? I just finished...
Undergraduateiwantagoodfutur - Jan 25, 2013 / iwantagoodfutur - Jan 27, 2013
|CONSUMPTION & BI-PRODUCTS; Petroleum Engineering SOP - University of Wyoming
7 - You could definitely put the background about the engineer in your opening paragraph. My suggestion would be to...
Undergraduatehanyuye - Jan 25, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 26, 2013
|ART can be anything to anyone! ; What, How & Why do you make? Parsons
NEW - As humans we always try to define, categorize, or stereotype something or someone. It is in our nature to...
UndergraduateBape95 - Jan 26, 2013 / — -
|Medical ophthalmic assistant; Personal Statement-Why becoming a PA?
8 - thank you Rechael13, I know my weakness in writing. This is a killing point for me:( Guess I do...
UndergraduatemygoalisPA - Jan 26, 2013 / mygoalisPA - Jan 26, 2013
|Better prepared for my career goals; Benefit from education that AUC offers?
2 - I feel like you've just listed a bunch of things that could be easily applied to another university. I...
Undergraduateomar37 - Jan 26, 2013 / megciso - Jan 26, 2013
|I want to become a TROJAN; PR STATEMENT OF INTENT-USC!
11 - Not only is USC located in the heart of the entertainment capital of the world, but it also provides...
Undergraduateag1127 - Jan 23, 2013 / megciso - Jan 26, 2013
|Common App extracurricular short answer first draft. Why Golf is important to me.
5 - I would take out the part about "while other classmates are out to socialize or watcht TV" It's a...
Undergraduatemandevillek4881 - Jan 26, 2013 / rachael13 - Jan 26, 2013
|Mover; UPenn Transfer - Ben Franklin, mankind classes
7 - Haha, thanks. Maybe I could use that as a foot in the door. The admissions office could be like...
Undergraduatetemberger93 - Jan 23, 2013 / temberger93 - Jan 26, 2013
|ENGLISH/Physics/Standing up/Day & night; GMS Essays Feedback
Undergraduatemargiem15 - Jan 18, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 26, 2013
|Modify/critique my ENG Thesis- Overcoming self-image and confidence
2 - I received invaluable valuable information and was told that if I had difficulty of loving myself, that then others...
Undergraduatesadsadaasdasd - Jan 25, 2013 / tomcruisin444 - Jan 25, 2013
|Achieving an advance level in the field/ Broader knowledge;MEANING of "WELL EDUCATED"
16 - Thank you everybody! I completely re-wrote almost all my essays, but I'm not gonna post them since I already...
UndergraduateKitsumi - Jan 4, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 25, 2013
|RESEARCH ON CANCER; SOP - Texas A&M'S Bio-medical Eng
8 - Thank you! Question: Why remove the comma between in and although? I don't think it's grammatically incorrect, is...
Undergraduatesabood2012 - Jan 23, 2013 / sabood2012 - Jan 25, 2013
|George's Secret Key to the Universe; Aerospace Engineering and why UMich?
3 - I like it! Only thing... This sentence feels like it's missing something... Like, "the practical aspects of...
Undergraduateceandrews95 - Jan 24, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 25, 2013
|Style of Studying; MPACT of my personal weakness on PA program
5 - Throughout my medical study, the target of achieving high grades at the final exam drove me. This demanded me...
UndergraduateESTOUNY - Jan 24, 2013 / ESTOUNY - Jan 25, 2013
|Every student and alumni love Rice; Rice Supplement- Why Rice?
8 - Quite simply, I've been interacting with Rice students and alumni my entire life, and nearly every single one has...
Undergraduateaqualad - Dec 29, 2012 / yeseniapereyra - Jan 25, 2013
|"Don't be a litter bug!"; PERSONAL STATEMENT - U Arizona
UndergraduateAmeliaatt - Jan 24, 2013 / dumi - Jan 25, 2013
|CLINICAL INVOLVEMENT; CASPA 2013- PERSONAL STATEMENT
2 - First off, I'd like to say you've presented a really interesting story. I love your first sentence. Giving her...
Undergraduateejpedde - Jan 23, 2013 / amandaco - Jan 24, 2013
|My role as a CONTRIBUTOR; UMich - My place within the community.
3 - I would say 1. Brief description of the community you identify yourself with (Elaborate more on the culture and...
Undergraduateceandrews95 - Jan 24, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 24, 2013
|Artwork deserves great attention; School of Visual Arts/ Reasons
Undergraduateklahruh - Jan 23, 2013 / Didgeridoo - Jan 24, 2013
|Love for music, photography, literature, fine art to dance; Art -statement of intent
Undergraduateritchar - Jan 24, 2013 / peelash - Jan 24, 2013
|Racial diversity & Bullying; Issue of importance to me
Undergraduatenair - Jan 21, 2013 / nair - Jan 24, 2013
|U of M Community Essay: My Orchestra Family
3 - I removed the comma between "strings" and "finding" ....here too ... "between" breath and "wishing" ...
Undergraduatebadwolf17 - Jan 23, 2013 / dumi - Jan 24, 2013
|"SUNGOWN" - EXCHANGE STUDENT ; Common App
UndergraduateS_Choi1 - Jan 21, 2013 / orkhan - Jan 24, 2013
|Intense academics,Intellectual vibe and Blow-your-mind school spirit; U Michigan!
3 - .... since there are so many ranking criteria, it is better to specify. It shows that you have...
Undergraduatehawraasabra - Jan 24, 2013 / dumi - Jan 24, 2013
|Art has always been a part of my life - Interior Design College App
Undergraduatemsjenng - Jan 23, 2013 / dumi - Jan 24, 2013
|ISEP program; Personal Statement for studying abroad
3 - Thank you for your help, it is so useful for me. I will correct my personal statement again as...
Undergraduatemiojmn - Jan 23, 2013 / miojmn - Jan 24, 2013
|CHILDCARE QUEEN; My important or rewarding Activities & Why?
4 - Entertaining. It keeps the reader interested in how it ends. On a side note, I like your technique...
Undergraduateamandaco - Jan 23, 2013 / ejpedde - Jan 24, 2013
|Johns Hopkins Transfer Supplement - Why Hopkins? 'Outdated stereotypes'
4 - You should state what are your contributions going to be at the university more compared to the people. That...
Undergraduateabrownie - Jan 19, 2013 / nair - Jan 24, 2013
|GIRLS WITH TATTOOS; Transfer to UT Austin- Issue of Importance
Undergraduatesamnemeth - Jan 22, 2013 / samnemeth - Jan 23, 2013
|Not yet an artist; Parsons (New School) BFA / "ARTIST STATEMENT"
4 - You cannot just substitute another personal pronoun for another. It doesn't solve the problem. This sentence is...
Undergraduatemschechner - Jan 23, 2013 / jkjeremy - Jan 23, 2013
|Tufts "let your life speak" - why I want to be a doctor
Undergraduatejpsmyth - Jan 15, 2013 / jpsmyth - Jan 23, 2013
|Woody Allen's life; Transfer to Reed College
4 - Thanks for your feedback, although I find your stylistic changes to be subjective and more a matter of preference...
Undergraduatetheharriest - Jan 22, 2013 / theharriest - Jan 23, 2013
|UT Austin Statement of Purpose; 'I only had minimal interest in the human body'
6 - I definitely agree on these two things, didn't even think about them until you pointed them out though..I...
Undergraduatesamnemeth - Jan 22, 2013 / samnemeth - Jan 23, 2013
|"Dill mill Gayya" - Why i want to be a nurse
Undergraduatefaraaa80 - Jan 22, 2013 / dumi - Jan 23, 2013
|Depth & Variety of physiology programs; U Washington-Transfer
4 - Keep working at it, you're definitely capable of it as you proved in the first paragraph! writing is alot...
Undergraduatekamariak - Jan 22, 2013 / Ban Drowne - Jan 22, 2013
|Cowbell mathematics competition; How my experiences contribute
Undergraduatetonyguesswho - Jan 22, 2013 / Ban Drowne - Jan 22, 2013
|The possibilities are endless; USC communications and journalism letter of intent
2 - Overall I think you responded to the question well, there were times when you may have been a little...
Undergraduatefutureisscary - Jan 22, 2013 / Dgarp13 - Jan 22, 2013
|ASHA certifiedCertificate of Clinical Competenence; Speech Pathology(PS-Grad School)
5 - Hi Dumi Thank You also I changed the first paragraph to this below... While visiting my grandmother most summers...
Undergraduatemicky1021 - Jan 22, 2013 / micky1021 - Jan 22, 2013
|'My father in his uniform' - Apply Texas: someone who influenced your life.
2 - The transition from your first paragraph to the second is a bit awkward. Maybe include when and why you...
Undergraduateandriannette - Jan 22, 2013 / Dgarp13 - Jan 22, 2013
|to my mom' - Apply Texas Topic A (Inspiration)
5 - I completely rewrote my essay and definitely made sure to write more about how she impacted ME. Thanks for...
UndergraduateDgarp13 - Jan 8, 2013 / Dgarp13 - Jan 22, 2013
|Engineering Ambition; UIUC-Transfer Motivation/Academic Interests/Professional Goals
Undergraduatekid2512 - Jan 22, 2013 / kid2512 - Jan 22, 2013
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