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|Best Buddies; Common App/ Extracurricular
10 - I can see a remarkable improvement from the first draft you did. I also appreciate your great effort to...
UndergraduateChelseaSmart13 - Dec 31, 2012 / dumi - Jan 5, 2013
|Interview/Top-ranked curriculum/ Q&A sessions ; Why Georgia Tech?Contribute?
2 - I think the college will like how you have actually spoken with alumni! I would take out how the...
UndergraduateNicolesss - Jan 5, 2013 / lilyraquel52 - Jan 5, 2013
|UAV-Unmanned Aerial Vehicles; My project @ UNION
14 - I would write a more interesting and captivating first sentence to get your readers attention. This essay seems to...
Undergraduatemoon05 - Jan 3, 2013 / lilyraquel52 - Jan 5, 2013
|Research changes lives; Common App - Independent Scientific Research
4 - I love the first paragraph, its very well written! I think it is extremely well written now! You tell...
Undergraduateabrownie - Jan 5, 2013 / lilyraquel52 - Jan 5, 2013
|SCIENCE & LANGUAGE ARTS; Subjects in which you have had difficulty
2 - notes and advice: -write a more catchy first sentence -the first sentence you have now is obvious and unnecessary...
Undergraduatelexilex1995 - Jan 4, 2013 / lilyraquel52 - Jan 5, 2013
|Bullying victim/Bunkmate/Sincere&Compassionate; Common app/Person who influenced
2 - notes and advice: -i think you could use a more catchy first sentence to really grab the readers -the...
Undergraduatebshifatu - Jan 5, 2013 / lilyraquel52 - Jan 5, 2013
|Adventure-Seekers/Best Crowds/ Lives inside us & Everywhere; UChicago;Where's WALDO?
Undergraduatenathtoledo - Jan 4, 2013 / gmichski - Jan 5, 2013
|Doctor Who; COMMON APP/ Act of folly
6 - I love this! Not really great on correcting grammar so I won't try. But your essay did a wonderful...
Undergraduatechocolateshoppe - Jan 5, 2013 / paigeevaa - Jan 5, 2013
|PROBLEM WITH SPEAKING ENGLISH; Education interruption essay [Commonapp application]
3 - notes on what you could change to improve: -more of an introduction, your first sentence kind of just threw...
Undergraduategchiara13 - Jan 5, 2013 / lilyraquel52 - Jan 5, 2013
|Bus Driver & Helping Others ; COMMON APP
4 - Kismet is a word that means something was bound to happen for a specific reason, I just love that...
UndergraduateDebbycorner - Jan 2, 2013 / Debbycorner - Jan 5, 2013
|NURSING VOLUNTEER; COMMON APP extra curricular activites
Undergraduatetinkr1 - Jan 4, 2013 / albee8d - Jan 5, 2013
|I tried to be unique. Common app essay.
4 - Although I thought this is an interesting way to write a college essay, I didn't get much impact from...
Undergraduatehughj - Jan 3, 2013 / Taishi - Jan 5, 2013
|Broaden my perspectives; UGRAD Exchange Program/ Why participate?
6 - Thnx very much) I appreciate ur help. but I think "an extrovert who loves to be with people..."...
UndergraduateShifu123 - Jan 4, 2013 / Shifu123 - Jan 5, 2013
|Volunteered @ Bondhushava in Bangladesh/ Right for LOVE - Lafayette C/"Cur Non"?
21 - Hey Daniela, I am stuck with my Union Supplement after adding something which I got from my friend... Could...
Undergraduatemoon05 - Jan 3, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 5, 2013
|The Man in the Rain is my Brother; Pepperdine Prompt
2 - besides cook and clean the house, I prayed.besides cook, clean, and pray. You could clarify the 3rd paragraph to...
Undergraduateiamnicholas1 - Jan 4, 2013 / hughj - Jan 5, 2013
|My grandfather, the person I admire most/ Common APP
3 - lethicia, Your essay needs to be tailored. You told that you like your grandfather because of his principles. Tell...
Undergraduatelethicia - Jan 4, 2013 / black and white - Jan 5, 2013
|Born and brought up in an Indian family; Colgate App
UndergraduateUdeeptc - Jan 2, 2013 / Ariel421 - Jan 5, 2013
|Fan of Science/ Chemistry & Medicine; USC / Academic Interests
4 - It's good that you really show your strength in terms of academic there, but I agree with chocolateshoppe's suggestion...
UndergraduateLulu1995 - Jan 4, 2013 / gchiara13 - Jan 5, 2013
|Cheerleading/ Differing Personalities/ Ultimate experience; USC
3 - Overall: I really suggest you to show this essay to an English teacher or anybody with better knowledge...
UndergraduateKarinaarroyo - Jan 5, 2013 / gchiara13 - Jan 5, 2013
|'I did this and my property' - WHY UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO?
8 - Neat essay! I really like how you approached it with the phrase with "I did this". Change due...
Undergraduatekabal - Dec 31, 2012 / chocolateshoppe - Jan 5, 2013
|Research at the NNRC ; Statement of Intent, PhD applicaion, Electrical Engineering
Undergraduatepex - Dec 30, 2012 / pex - Jan 5, 2013
|Vision/ Intelligence/ imagination/ leadership/ action - Topic of study/ Values&Priorities
6 - This is good, my friend! It's so short yet you managed to capture your main idea with a single...
Undergraduatemylesd - Dec 30, 2012 / chocolateshoppe - Jan 5, 2013
|Experience of moving to an international school and wall climbing [COMMONAPP essay]
2 - I was a fresh innocent figure that had to start his habits overshake his old habits and adopt a...
Undergraduategchiara13 - Jan 5, 2013 / hughj - Jan 5, 2013
|I am defined by my inquisitiveness - SUPPLEMENT
Undergraduatechocolateshoppe - Jan 4, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 5, 2013
|Visual Effects/ Film production/Chromake/Compost/Animate; UTexas RTF Transfer/SOP
3 - Thanks for some of the tips but I think I'm going to just reword the entire first sentence. It's...
UndergraduateRandomJPG - Jan 2, 2013 / RandomJPG - Jan 4, 2013
|'My savior' - why uchicago supplement
16 - I say, combine the 2nd and the 3rd essay. You can shorten the 2nd one considerably. Don't put yourself...
Undergraduatezdv - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 4, 2013
|My book of psalms; Life is a CUP of WATER ! ; COMMON APP
Undergraduateblaq223 - Jan 3, 2013 / lethicia - Jan 4, 2013
|'We argue all the time' - : PERSON WHO HAS MADE AN IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE
Undergraduaterjeanes17 - Jan 4, 2013 / nounoub21 - Jan 4, 2013
|Programming languages & robots; Purdue U; Personal/professional goals
2 - I have taken computer science beyond school, I have taken courses outside, I have made my own software and...
Undergraduatekoolrags - Jan 4, 2013 / carolynxpark - Jan 4, 2013
|Marketing Supplement for Emerson/ Choosing the major
3 - And I believe these changes will continue as advanced technology, new social networking sites and online media presence...
Undergraduatepaigeevaa - Jan 4, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 4, 2013
|I was 16 when I ran away from home; Common app PS/ Significant event
Undergraduatecmoc - Jan 4, 2013 / cmoc - Jan 4, 2013
|University of Colorado at Boulder; iconoclastic
3 - Thanks! And it turns out that iconoclastic does not mean what I thought it meant. Thanks for catching that....
Undergraduatefsolano94 - Jan 4, 2013 / fsolano94 - Jan 4, 2013
|Compassionate & Creative; Common App/ Two words that describe me
3 - Very nice essay. I like that you made it clear that being different was better than trying to be...
Undergraduateshelbyhope - Jan 3, 2013 / tinkr1 - Jan 4, 2013
|Helping my grandpa and grandma/ Nursing Essay
2 - Try to change the sentence: That's when my life changed forever. Either delete it or add it into the...
UndergraduateCowtown - Jan 4, 2013 / tinkr1 - Jan 4, 2013
|Math and Foreign Language - Common App/Subjects I have excelled
NEW - My strong ambition and well committed teachers that I currently envy in my life are the factors that attribute...
Undergraduatelexilex1995 - Jan 4, 2013 / — -
|"CAN DO" ; Personal Statement/ Mechanical Engineering-SUNY Maritime
Undergraduatevaldai - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 4, 2013
|Extracurricular programs/ Research in the Bio Sciences; U Michigan: Unique qualities
2 - Its a good and well structured essay which displays your genuine interest and knowledge in science. However, you have...
UndergraduateDabbagh - Jan 4, 2013 / Udeeptc - Jan 4, 2013
|Give&take/Pay it/ Creative/ Inspirational/ Listen/Acceptance; Lilly's Top Ten List
4 - #9 the word peers refers to people the same age. change euphoria to something about envisioning a utopia. number...
UndergraduateLilly245 - Jan 3, 2013 / hughj - Jan 4, 2013
|BUS JOURNEYS/ Brawl, infamous, ill-mannered; RICHMOND/ Left comfort zone
4 - Thanks paigeevaa & hughj!! I considered your suggestions and made small changes: Both my parents work for the...
UndergraduateUdeeptc - Jan 4, 2013 / Udeeptc - Jan 4, 2013
|"Everything happens for a reason." Helping Others
13 - Thank you for your help! Others could you please give me feedback. I would really appreciate it....
Undergraduateaceq - Jan 1, 2013 / aceq - Jan 4, 2013
|Diverse family/ Blues; Tufts - Let your life speak/ What makes me happy
3 - Wow. You are a wonderful writer. I have absolutely no revisions for you. Do you happen to write short...
Undergraduatecristichica - Jan 3, 2013 / HenryAmber - Jan 4, 2013
|Dr. Waldo made a sudden appearance - U Chicago/ Where is Waldo, really?
Undergraduateproximaankit - Dec 31, 2012 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Highly Intellectual,Physically robust, Virtuous & Fair; C APP/ I would choose to do!
Undergraduatedominicp11 - Jan 3, 2013 / dominicp11 - Jan 3, 2013
|BIOLOGY; Queen's 2012 PSE/ My goals for my time there
UndergraduateKouteri - Jan 2, 2013 / Kouteri - Jan 3, 2013
|My class teacher who palyed a key role in shaping my character; William & Mary
Undergraduateredrobinson - Dec 31, 2012 / dumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Physics&Astrophysics /ANL/KICP/Culture/Curriculum; Why UChicago?
4 - Please comment further sorry at about the format, I do have it spaced on the actual essay though....
Undergraduateproximaankit - Jan 3, 2013 / proximaankit - Jan 3, 2013
|Source of Energy; SOP for BS in Petroleum Engineering at Texas A&M
6 - Thanks for your advice. The topic is really Statement of Purpose. I'm not sure about the layout, but...
Undergraduatesobegreentea972 - Dec 29, 2012 / sobegreentea972 - Jan 3, 2013
|'my character of a helper' - RICE SUPPLEMENT (UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE)
2 - First impressions are as important, if not more so, than actually reading the essay itself. After all, an admissions...
UndergraduateALI988 - Jan 1, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Things Don't Follow A Plan! Transfer Reasons & Objectives
Undergraduatedanimeep - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|UCHICAGO How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire
7 - Very Interesting. I was hooked literally. I dunno if this correction applies " If there was one thing...
Undergraduatekabal - Dec 22, 2012 / proximaankit - Jan 3, 2013
|I'm a seventeen year old Chinese girl; INTRODUCTION OF MYSELF
9 - It's ok, "with surprises, happiness and challenges" or " with surprises, happiness and even challenges"......
Undergraduatelllin - Jan 1, 2013 / jupiter - Jan 3, 2013
|Respect other cultures & ethinicities; Texas A&M - "Inextinguishable Hate"
UndergraduateChrisjoochun - Jan 2, 2013 / sobegreentea972 - Jan 3, 2013
|Future Profession/ Compassion/ Responsibility/ PERSONAL RESPONSE/ Why NURSING?
2 - This essay is extremely long, and after a while a bit tiring to read. Your paragraphs are a wall...
Undergraduatebbar23 - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|'Quaker saying about life' - Tufts supplement
7 - moon05 My hands were never tied to anything, no. And I am qualified to teach piano now (although I...
Undergraduatealicederp - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Picture Books/ Explore Beijing/ Friends/ Action; Tufts App/ Who am I?
5 - This essay is really random. Sometimes that's a good thing but it's not good for this one. It requires...
Undergraduatealicederp - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|I am Indonesian, I am Filipino, and I am Chinese; Georgetown Personal Description
7 - Your start to your essay was very cute and unique! I actually just submitted my application mid-December. Are you...
Undergraduatemnljkt25 - Dec 28, 2012 / Lilly245 - Jan 3, 2013
|I love marching band - meaningful contribution
4 - This is beautifully written. However, I would recommend that you elaborate more on why this particular contribution to your...
Undergraduatelornam - Jan 3, 2013 / alicederp - Jan 3, 2013
|Dedicated to Computer Science/Threads curriculum/ Practical Sense; Why Georgia Tech?
Undergraduatekds9895 - Jan 3, 2013 / kds9895 - Jan 3, 2013
|Passion/ Happiness/ Business; UIUC/ Intentions & Aspirations
2 - littleadventure Brilliant introductory sentence. I was a bit worried by your second paragraph, as I lost interest. But...
Undergraduatelittleadventure - Jan 3, 2013 / danimeep - Jan 3, 2013
|'The Road Taken' - favourite poem supplement
5 - Hi there! I believe that moon05 pointed out most of the things I wanted to highlight upon haha...
Undergraduatezdv - Jan 3, 2013 / mnljkt25 - Jan 3, 2013
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