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|My research in a more real-world setting; Penn/Engage academically (for a Transfer)
3 - Ah, I forgot about the em-dash. Much obliged. As for the anecdote, I strongly want to start with...
UndergraduateTheColtony - Jan 9, 2013 / TheColtony - Jan 9, 2013
|"my dream of modeling" - college admission writting--special talents, interests
5 - These are possibly slightly too humerous. Perhaps go with something that has the potential for a moral message or...
UndergraduateBella329 - Jun 15, 2010 / alyradia - Jan 9, 2013
|Czech descent; Common App - Intercultural/Creative Opportunity
2 - Content wise, essays B-D are fine. You seem to disregard the prompt for response A. I don't see a...
UndergraduateMrHotWaffles - Jan 9, 2013 / Th25cc - Jan 9, 2013
|Science & Math/ Coherant framework/ Better World;Common App/ Subjects excelled
3 - Throughout all of my years inmy high school career , I have showed academic excellence in the subjects of...
Undergraduatefsolano94 - Jan 6, 2013 / Rez03 - Jan 9, 2013
|Lifelong journey with no end / FSU/ LEARNING
2 - Thanks I really appreciated your help and I'm going to change a few things based on what you corrected...
Undergraduateorchsley - Jan 7, 2013 / orchsley - Jan 9, 2013
|International Center of Photography; NYC- Statement of Intentions
UndergraduateFlorenceCr - Jan 9, 2013 / FlorenceCr - Jan 9, 2013
|GATES MILLENNIUM SCHOLARS; LONG& Short term GOALS
Undergraduatedj1229 - Jan 9, 2013 / lexilex1995 - Jan 9, 2013
|Smoking benefits only the companies who sell cigarettes
2 - A cigarette is a cylinder shaped paper that is filled with tobacco leaves for people to smoke. Companies make...
UndergraduateRawan AlMuaili - Jan 9, 2013 / Jennyflower81 - Jan 9, 2013
|Facination over human brain/ Experience & aphasia center; SLP/ PERSONAL STATEMENT
3 - I read and spoted a few areas that repeat previous statements that you had wrote. In my opinion you...
Undergraduatejholt - Jan 9, 2013 / andrew127128 - Jan 9, 2013
|Volunteering @ Neonatal Intensice care unit; COMMON APP/ EXTRACURRICULARS
NEW - HI !! i would appreciate it of you guys could read my short answer essay for the common app....
Undergraduatemoarsauce - Jan 9, 2013 / — -
|New and different experience; Why the summer challenge at boston university?
Undergraduatedeepika1996 - Jan 9, 2013 / racoon - Jan 9, 2013
|Determined and driven person ; How you envision yourself 10 years from now?
3 - hiiiI!!! thank you so much for you help. here is a copy of the edited and (almost) finished version.....
Undergraduatekdviloria - Jan 7, 2013 / kdviloria - Jan 9, 2013
|Beauty and the sense of community; Why Carleton?
Undergraduateomigayy - Dec 30, 2012 / nightowl - Jan 9, 2013
|Jesus's words & actions/ My strengths & weaknesses/ Canisius College - Type of LEADER
3 - ....'' trustworthiness '' , "team spirit" You have touched mostly the common humane traits of a good person....
UndergraduateDon95 - Jan 3, 2013 / dumi - Jan 9, 2013
|"Anywhere Is"- Enya's music products; Smith Supp -Theme Song
7 - Your writing is clearly beautiful and lyrical! However, I think it deals too much with the really profound things...
Undergraduatenightowl - Jan 8, 2013 / Ariel421 - Jan 9, 2013
|My best friend Charles; CommonAPP - Person with significant influence
4 - .... "swum"is the past participle of the word "swim" while"swam" is the past tense. My suggestion; If you've...
Undergraduaterhine017 - Jan 3, 2013 / dumi - Jan 9, 2013
|competition / no compassionate and considerate ; LMU / Fr. Arrupe?
Undergraduatenounoub21 - Jan 4, 2013 / manjot - Jan 9, 2013
|Teaching/ Personal design work/ FINE ARTS; SOP for Industrial Design MDes at UW
Undergraduateqazal - Jan 6, 2013 / qazal - Jan 8, 2013
|Mully's Children's Family,Kenyan ophanage;Western Ivey League(Engineering)-Uniqueness
2 - You've talked about unique things you've done, but what are some personality traits, interests, or perspectives that you have...
Undergraduatedinoyolk - Jan 8, 2013 / Th25cc - Jan 8, 2013
|Developing friendships and leaderships -Reason for transferring, objective to achieve
UndergraduateCQAPP - Jan 8, 2013 / CQAPP - Jan 8, 2013
|Maplestory has become a central part of my life; Significant Experience/ Common App
22 - This reminds me far too much of myself. I've done the same thing, just on a different game. ...
Undergraduatefasaran - Dec 16, 2012 / Th25cc - Jan 8, 2013
|UK PERSONAL STATEMENT BIOMEDICAL SCIENCES (Ethiopia tutoring and other countries)
UndergraduateDr Seus - Jan 6, 2013 / Th25cc - Jan 8, 2013
|Personal Statement for College about an educational dilemma that I have encountered
3 - Educational dilemma or not, you have written an essay that clearly communicates who you are and how you've developed...
Undergraduatecprewitt13 - Jan 8, 2013 / Th25cc - Jan 8, 2013
|International studies and the Global Awareness Program; Is Seattle U a good match?
2 - Good. I like this essay as it seems your focus will be on the Global Awareness program and you...
Undergraduatecprewitt13 - Jan 8, 2013 / admission2012 - Jan 8, 2013
|Runners/Challenge Scheme; Person with significant influence/ Extracurricular
NEW - Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. (500 words) They...
Undergraduatedennm078 - Jan 8, 2013 / — -
|Furthering studies beyond Associate's Degree; PS - Nursing Transfer & Objectives
2 - The dreary hospital walls, the pungent smell of hospital food, theand lingering diseases from hall to hall are not...
Undergraduatetinkr1 - Jan 8, 2013 / Jennyflower81 - Jan 8, 2013
|Presence @ FSU; CARE PROGRAM ESSAY
NEW - CARE PROGRAM ESSAY! Many young students in the world today, have parents who are struggling to pay for...
UndergraduateSDrake - Jan 8, 2013 / — -
|Business Knowledge; USC Supplement/ Academic interests
3 - You can change for an another open sentence and this one is not necessary for your following description about...
Undergraduatejaxball - Jan 5, 2013 / maerd2012 - Jan 8, 2013
|Zhi, picture story book/Whimsical ideas; MHC/ What you miss from Childhood?
3 - Thank you very much for your suggestions! I really need them as deadline is approaching. Good luck with your...
Undergraduatemaerd2012 - Jan 4, 2013 / maerd2012 - Jan 8, 2013
|'The boogie man' -Texas App/ Someone who made an impact on me
UndergraduateZahra567 - Jan 8, 2013 / — -
|LAST DAY AT HIGH SCHOOL; KENYON SUPP
4 - The essay is well written and beautiful. I think it has expressed your point effectively. Good luck with your...
Undergraduateamaterrapper - Jan 5, 2013 / maerd2012 - Jan 8, 2013
|Natural Science/ Debating/ RPI Supp: PS + Why RPI?
2 - You should add a little personality to the start, add something unique not some generic dialogue . This...
Undergraduatelexyliu1209 - Jan 8, 2013 / manjot - Jan 8, 2013
|Ultima Thule ; Common App Essay - Significant Experience
2 - This looks good, I enjoyed reading it. So far my only comment is in regards to the very first...
UndergraduateOrcadianDander - Jan 8, 2013 / futureslp - Jan 8, 2013
|AP Biology and AP Physics ; USC mini essay about interests
Undergraduatevictoraguirre13 - Jan 8, 2013 / Teiji - Jan 8, 2013
|'Getting back on feet' - U Colorado/ Enrich community
5 - Alright. Sorry about straining your eyes. I didn't think breaking my essay up into paragraphs would help much but...
Undergraduatefsolano94 - Jan 4, 2013 / fsolano94 - Jan 8, 2013
|Broadening perspectives of Irish culture,people & history;Study Abroad-Personal Essay
2 - First paragraph is good but you haven't clearly and explicitly stated WHY. - why were you attracted to traveling...
Undergraduatee0950542 - Jan 8, 2013 / Dr Seus - Jan 8, 2013
|Ethnically, Culturally diverse/ Student Volunteer Council - Rutgers'/ Enviroment
3 - i think your essay is good but maybe you should work on the second paragraph, it sounds like you're...
Undergraduateblack and white - Jan 7, 2013 / Iskander - Jan 8, 2013
|GOD FATHER; Common App/ Character in fiction/historical figure
8 - You do not have structure in your writing. The same about the promises you make. I guess these are...
UndergraduateIskander - Jan 7, 2013 / Turbina - Jan 8, 2013
|"celebrated, not tolerated"; Common App/Personal Statement(transfer)
5 - I struggle to find the meaning of this sentence. Also I find you consume too many sentences telling...
Undergraduaterocksolid93 - Jan 4, 2013 / dumi - Jan 8, 2013
|STAR WARS; Georgetown/ Significance of the school or summer activity
UndergraduateTaishi - Jan 5, 2013 / hughj - Jan 8, 2013
|Passion for computer science; Villanova U - What sets your heart on fire?
Undergraduatehoangminhminh - Jan 7, 2013 / manjot - Jan 8, 2013
|Alpinen Skiing; Bentley App/ change one thing
3 - I too agree with bubblegum101. You have presented the answere very creatively. I only have one suggestion; ...
Undergraduategabbysla - Jan 7, 2013 / dumi - Jan 8, 2013
|American films/Freedom&Happiness/Opporties; Why study in US/ Past experiences/Program
UndergraduateLord_Rustem - Jan 8, 2013 / — -
|Jillian. Jillybear. Jillybean.; Texas A&M/ Person - influence
Undergraduateacostandy - Dec 30, 2012 / headshot0313 - Jan 8, 2013
|Hospital/ Defibrillator/ Bio-engineering; PERSONAL STATEMENT
3 - I think you need to describe your education background a little more. you dedicate the first 3 paragraphs to...
Undergraduateblack and white - Jan 7, 2013 / qazal - Jan 8, 2013
|I'm a mixture of all three classes; UPENN/ Ben Franklin
6 - ... an excessive amount of empty discussions ... never payingpaid ... any important worldglobal issues ... until...
Undergraduatewhitezebra - Dec 31, 2012 / nightowl - Jan 7, 2013
|Navy Nurse Candidate Program; Nursing application essay
Undergraduatemrojas619 - Jan 7, 2013 / — -
|Learning something new; Queens Admissions/ GOALS
Undergraduatedinoyolk - Jan 6, 2013 / dumi - Jan 7, 2013
|Commercial whaling; Texas - Issue of Importance
2 - Decent essay. Eliminate the irrelevant dolphin example. The promt asks for an issue that's important to you, you...
Undergraduatenaomiesterm - Jan 7, 2013 / Th25cc - Jan 7, 2013
|Presence of cultural diversity in the US; Global UGRAD Program / Why study in the US?
2 - -At first I recommend you to shorten your essay to 500-600 words. Your writing is more than 700 words...
UndergraduateTurbina - Jan 7, 2013 / thaonguyen1901 - Jan 7, 2013
|My father gave me strenght and confidence; My Biggest Influence
3 - I feel like you should incorporate how your father impacted you and how you used the impact in your...
Undergraduatecinderss - Jan 7, 2013 / naomiesterm - Jan 7, 2013
|Senior Curricular Support program ; UNC - What changed mind?
UndergraduateOrcadianDander - Jan 7, 2013 / Th25cc - Jan 7, 2013
|"My Biggest Cheerleader - My Father"; Common App - Person who made an impact
4 - So here I have added more. If you have time can you help? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------- Lights flicker...
Undergraduatenaomiesterm - Jan 1, 2013 / naomiesterm - Jan 7, 2013
|Multiculturalism/ Colgate Community/ What I hope to learn?
3 - Very nice essay, you're such a unique applicant. If you want to improve the relationship between your paragraphs you...
Undergraduatenightowl - Jan 7, 2013 / OrcadianDander - Jan 7, 2013
|Family's impact on my education/ Common App
5 - I think its pretty damn perfect tbh. You tie everything in very neatly (your family, your Mexican background, your...
UndergraduateQuinchonez - Dec 21, 2012 / OrcadianDander - Jan 7, 2013
|Constraints/ Help family/ People skills; COMMON APP - Financing/ Major/ Life goals
5 - Thank you very much again! It is tough since I've been like 10 months here, and that's the time...
Undergraduatejorgearmando18 - Jan 7, 2013 / jorgearmando18 - Jan 7, 2013
|City life/ Architecture/ Diverse culture; How UChicago satisfy my desires
5 - you need more talk more about yourself and why they should accept you there and also about the art...
Undergraduatemercedes1923 - Jan 7, 2013 / Quinchonez - Jan 7, 2013
|Grilled Cheese; UNC Chapel Hill- My comfort food
Undergraduatebubblegum101 - Jan 7, 2013 / OrcadianDander - Jan 7, 2013
|My grandpa emigrated from Colombia to the USA; Influential Person
Undergraduatemarcuj4 - Dec 28, 2012 / marcuj4 - Jan 7, 2013
|Social stigma/ YKNOT ; UNC / IMPORTANT PROBLEM I TRY TO SOLVE
6 - YKNOT is an equal-opportunities program for kids with mental disabilities. It doesn't stand for anything so I can't elaborate...
Undergraduatemayfl0wer - Jan 6, 2013 / mayfl0wer - Jan 7, 2013
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