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|Compassionate & Creative; Common App/ Two words that describe me
3 - Very nice essay. I like that you made it clear that being different was better than trying to be...
Undergraduateshelbyhope - Jan 3, 2013 / tinkr1 - Jan 4, 2013
|Helping my grandpa and grandma/ Nursing Essay
2 - Try to change the sentence: That's when my life changed forever. Either delete it or add it into the...
UndergraduateCowtown - Jan 4, 2013 / tinkr1 - Jan 4, 2013
|Math and Foreign Language - Common App/Subjects I have excelled
NEW - My strong ambition and well committed teachers that I currently envy in my life are the factors that attribute...
Undergraduatelexilex1995 - Jan 4, 2013 / — -
|"CAN DO" ; Personal Statement/ Mechanical Engineering-SUNY Maritime
Undergraduatevaldai - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 4, 2013
|Extracurricular programs/ Research in the Bio Sciences; U Michigan: Unique qualities
2 - Its a good and well structured essay which displays your genuine interest and knowledge in science. However, you have...
UndergraduateDabbagh - Jan 4, 2013 / Udeeptc - Jan 4, 2013
|Give&take/Pay it/ Creative/ Inspirational/ Listen/Acceptance; Lilly's Top Ten List
4 - #9 the word peers refers to people the same age. change euphoria to something about envisioning a utopia. number...
UndergraduateLilly245 - Jan 3, 2013 / hughj - Jan 4, 2013
|BUS JOURNEYS/ Brawl, infamous, ill-mannered; RICHMOND/ Left comfort zone
4 - Thanks paigeevaa & hughj!! I considered your suggestions and made small changes: Both my parents work for the...
UndergraduateUdeeptc - Jan 4, 2013 / Udeeptc - Jan 4, 2013
|"Everything happens for a reason." Helping Others
13 - Thank you for your help! Others could you please give me feedback. I would really appreciate it....
Undergraduateaceq - Jan 1, 2013 / aceq - Jan 4, 2013
|Diverse family/ Blues; Tufts - Let your life speak/ What makes me happy
3 - Wow. You are a wonderful writer. I have absolutely no revisions for you. Do you happen to write short...
Undergraduatecristichica - Jan 3, 2013 / HenryAmber - Jan 4, 2013
|Dr. Waldo made a sudden appearance - U Chicago/ Where is Waldo, really?
Undergraduateproximaankit - Dec 31, 2012 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Highly Intellectual,Physically robust, Virtuous & Fair; C APP/ I would choose to do!
Undergraduatedominicp11 - Jan 3, 2013 / dominicp11 - Jan 3, 2013
|BIOLOGY; Queen's 2012 PSE/ My goals for my time there
UndergraduateKouteri - Jan 2, 2013 / Kouteri - Jan 3, 2013
|My class teacher who palyed a key role in shaping my character; William & Mary
Undergraduateredrobinson - Dec 31, 2012 / dumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Physics&Astrophysics /ANL/KICP/Culture/Curriculum; Why UChicago?
4 - Please comment further sorry at about the format, I do have it spaced on the actual essay though....
Undergraduateproximaankit - Jan 3, 2013 / proximaankit - Jan 3, 2013
|Source of Energy; SOP for BS in Petroleum Engineering at Texas A&M
6 - Thanks for your advice. The topic is really Statement of Purpose. I'm not sure about the layout, but...
Undergraduatesobegreentea972 - Dec 29, 2012 / sobegreentea972 - Jan 3, 2013
|'my character of a helper' - RICE SUPPLEMENT (UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE)
2 - First impressions are as important, if not more so, than actually reading the essay itself. After all, an admissions...
UndergraduateALI988 - Jan 1, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Things Don't Follow A Plan! Transfer Reasons & Objectives
Undergraduatedanimeep - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|UCHICAGO How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire
7 - Very Interesting. I was hooked literally. I dunno if this correction applies " If there was one thing...
Undergraduatekabal - Dec 22, 2012 / proximaankit - Jan 3, 2013
|I'm a seventeen year old Chinese girl; INTRODUCTION OF MYSELF
9 - It's ok, "with surprises, happiness and challenges" or " with surprises, happiness and even challenges"......
Undergraduatelllin - Jan 1, 2013 / jupiter - Jan 3, 2013
|Respect other cultures & ethinicities; Texas A&M - "Inextinguishable Hate"
UndergraduateChrisjoochun - Jan 2, 2013 / sobegreentea972 - Jan 3, 2013
|Future Profession/ Compassion/ Responsibility/ PERSONAL RESPONSE/ Why NURSING?
2 - This essay is extremely long, and after a while a bit tiring to read. Your paragraphs are a wall...
Undergraduatebbar23 - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|'Quaker saying about life' - Tufts supplement
7 - moon05 My hands were never tied to anything, no. And I am qualified to teach piano now (although I...
Undergraduatealicederp - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Picture Books/ Explore Beijing/ Friends/ Action; Tufts App/ Who am I?
5 - This essay is really random. Sometimes that's a good thing but it's not good for this one. It requires...
Undergraduatealicederp - Jan 3, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 3, 2013
|I am Indonesian, I am Filipino, and I am Chinese; Georgetown Personal Description
7 - Your start to your essay was very cute and unique! I actually just submitted my application mid-December. Are you...
Undergraduatemnljkt25 - Dec 28, 2012 / Lilly245 - Jan 3, 2013
|I love marching band - meaningful contribution
4 - This is beautifully written. However, I would recommend that you elaborate more on why this particular contribution to your...
Undergraduatelornam - Jan 3, 2013 / alicederp - Jan 3, 2013
|Dedicated to Computer Science/Threads curriculum/ Practical Sense; Why Georgia Tech?
Undergraduatekds9895 - Jan 3, 2013 / kds9895 - Jan 3, 2013
|Passion/ Happiness/ Business; UIUC/ Intentions & Aspirations
2 - littleadventure Brilliant introductory sentence. I was a bit worried by your second paragraph, as I lost interest. But...
Undergraduatelittleadventure - Jan 3, 2013 / danimeep - Jan 3, 2013
|'The Road Taken' - favourite poem supplement
5 - Hi there! I believe that moon05 pointed out most of the things I wanted to highlight upon haha...
Undergraduatezdv - Jan 3, 2013 / mnljkt25 - Jan 3, 2013
|The Battle of Want and Should; Arch-nemesis/ Relationship
4 - I am good with The Battle of ... the leftover, think of something cool. With the first part it...
Undergraduatezdv - Jan 3, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 3, 2013
|People go to bed HUNGRY/Wastage/ Shortage; TEXAS/ ISSUE IMPORTANT TO YOU
4 - Hi guy, I think there are some mistakes here: "...make you feel that my country has the abundant...
Undergraduateblack and white - Jan 3, 2013 / jupiter - Jan 3, 2013
|Helping People/Technology/Biomedical Engineering ; NCSU ESSAY- WHY THIS MAJOR?
4 - i think the first paragraph does not really go with the beginning of second paragraphs. they are like two...
Undergraduateblack and white - Dec 30, 2012 / zdv - Jan 3, 2013
|"You are Not Special" ; Cornell Sup /Economics
UndergraduateCTHIMENYOR - Dec 30, 2012 / dumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Synthesized Voices; Common App/ Creative Work
UndergraduateFukoiko - Jan 1, 2013 / dumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Athenaeum speaker Daniel Kahneman - Claremont McKenna supplement
2 - After seeing the thread at first I thought why didn't you give some intro for the college! But then...
Undergraduatesogoldman - Jan 2, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 3, 2013
|African American / Hurricane Katrina ; Eugene Lang College- I've been in minority
Undergraduatelionesha1 - Jan 2, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 3, 2013
|Three types of joy in life; BARD / Short response to thoughts
3 - This is a great narrative. I enjoyed reading it! Specially the hamburger bit. However, I felt this was...
Undergraduatecarvonde - Jan 1, 2013 / catc22 - Jan 3, 2013
|Love for writing/ Gap year/ Journalism
9 - I think you should give another reason as to why you like writing. Colleges like extroverted people, which, if...
Undergraduatezdv - Dec 29, 2012 / hughj - Jan 3, 2013
|President Leadership Experience In My Organization In My School
2 - Your answer to the question is succinct and shows clarity of thought. It is simple and straight forward. However,...
UndergraduateShelleylpierre - Jan 1, 2013 / catc22 - Jan 3, 2013
|Aftermath of my Accident/ My grades ; Common App
4 - Then Remember Bangladesh is the KING of strikes (pseudo name of PURE Rampage!) Yes please do help me...
Undergraduatezdv - Jan 3, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 3, 2013
|Physics major+Computer+Neuroscience& Psycholgy;St. Olaf/ Designing own Interim Course
5 - That being said what I don't want to major in but still have the curiosity to learn are computers,...
Undergraduatemoon05 - Jan 1, 2013 / zdv - Jan 3, 2013
|'brilliant minds in the country' - Duke Pratt School of Engineering
5 - I would say the same: CHANGE THE LAST SENTENCE. It isn't only Duke that has Engineering. People are also...
Undergraduatenoneil - Jan 1, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 3, 2013
|'The world is upside down' - dance common app extracurricular essay
8 - zdv, Your essay is really very good. Your interest for dance is getting reflected in this essay. Just as...
Undergraduatezdv - Dec 26, 2012 / black and white - Jan 3, 2013
|Commonapp EC short answer about charity works
UndergraduateVVCepheiA - Dec 31, 2012 / zdv - Jan 3, 2013
|Germany|Masters| Mechanical Engineering; SOP Evaluation
2 - As a graduate in Mechanical Engineering, I look for seek a Master's Degree to refine my knowledge and skill...
Undergraduatehemanth90 - Dec 31, 2012 / spawne - Jan 3, 2013
|Math & Actuarial Sciences/ Educational goals,interests in chosen program
Undergraduatemm3ahmed - Jan 1, 2013 / js65438 - Jan 3, 2013
|(Study history / Video games) - NYU essays
5 - I really loved your Assassin's Creed essay! Very creative, and I love how it ends with a question....
Undergraduateabulkhair37 - Jan 1, 2013 / fluff123 - Jan 3, 2013
|Transformation helps us benefit from new enviorenment; Common App Transfer Essay
Undergraduatejpsmyth - Jan 1, 2013 / jpsmyth - Jan 3, 2013
|I am from Bangladesh/ MIT / Cultural background
Undergraduateessa07 - Jan 1, 2013 / pinkpolkadot15 - Jan 3, 2013
|Marketing and public relations; Emerson Supp/ What influenced to choose my major
Undergraduatepaigeevaa - Jan 2, 2013 / juneidyl - Jan 2, 2013
|I am defined by my characteristics, beliefs, and perspective; McMaster; BHSC
2 - Another Mac applicant! :D I agree with ParceledTongue, you can omit the "I believe" at the beginning. ...
UndergraduateJoshua_was_here - Jan 1, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 2, 2013
|'...since Facebook is blocked in China' - Chicago Short answer #2 Danza Kuduro!
3 - Your title is slightly misleading, since it makes me assume it's something about the Great Firewall of China, and...
Undergraduatechewbaccablack - Jan 2, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 2, 2013
|Insecurity, Fear, Jealousy - UChicago / HUMAN CONFLICTS
Undergraduateabulkhair37 - Jan 2, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 2, 2013
|What Waldo represents; UChicago- So where is Waldo really?
3 - Man, that is amazing. Perhaps you could have a smoother transition from your childhood experience into 'what is Waldo...
UndergraduateRozn - Jan 2, 2013 / Kouteri - Jan 2, 2013
|The air was warm, the sky was clear; UCHICAGO EXTENDED ESSAY
NEW - I finally managed to complete a version of this essay that I actually liked. This was by far the...
Undergraduatewhitezebra - Jan 2, 2013 / — -
|Biochemistry/ Molecular Biology/French/History/Art/Architecture; BrownPLME- My FIELDS
Undergraduatebpi1092 - Jan 2, 2013 / bpi1092 - Jan 2, 2013
|Small class size/ excellent academics / networking/ future careers; WHY UCHICAGO?
4 - Thanks to everybody for their replies, I will help you with your essays as soon as i'm done with...
Undergraduateabulkhair37 - Jan 2, 2013 / abulkhair37 - Jan 2, 2013
|C for BIOLOGY; George Washingon / Risk I took,failed & what I learned
Undergraduatemystictiger - Dec 24, 2012 / Wisconsingirl94 - Jan 2, 2013
|Gain readiness/Brighter future- CARE SBP/ Educational goals
NEW - CARE Summer Bridge Program Essay The CARE Application Essay: How can CARE assist you with your educational goals...
UndergraduateMariettaA - Jan 2, 2013 / — -
|'Use of fear' - University Application Essay - Significant Challenge
4 - "I became uncertain with whether or not I wanted to continue through." how about "uncertainty loomed" good...
Undergraduate13579e - Jan 2, 2013 / MH31595 - Jan 2, 2013
|ECONOMICS/ Liberal arts/ History/ Philoshophy; WHY MAJOR?
Undergraduaterachely - Jan 2, 2013 / sogoldman - Jan 2, 2013
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