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|I am Indonesian, I am Filipino, and I am Chinese; Georgetown Personal Description
7 - Your start to your essay was very cute and unique! I actually just submitted my application mid-December. Are you...
Undergraduatemnljkt25 - Dec 28, 2012 / Lilly245 - Jan 3, 2013
|I love marching band - meaningful contribution
4 - This is beautifully written. However, I would recommend that you elaborate more on why this particular contribution to your...
Undergraduatelornam - Jan 3, 2013 / alicederp - Jan 3, 2013
|Dedicated to Computer Science/Threads curriculum/ Practical Sense; Why Georgia Tech?
Undergraduatekds9895 - Jan 3, 2013 / kds9895 - Jan 3, 2013
|Passion/ Happiness/ Business; UIUC/ Intentions & Aspirations
2 - littleadventure Brilliant introductory sentence. I was a bit worried by your second paragraph, as I lost interest. But...
Undergraduatelittleadventure - Jan 3, 2013 / danimeep - Jan 3, 2013
|'The Road Taken' - favourite poem supplement
5 - Hi there! I believe that moon05 pointed out most of the things I wanted to highlight upon haha...
Undergraduatezdv - Jan 3, 2013 / mnljkt25 - Jan 3, 2013
|The Battle of Want and Should; Arch-nemesis/ Relationship
4 - I am good with The Battle of ... the leftover, think of something cool. With the first part it...
Undergraduatezdv - Jan 3, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 3, 2013
|People go to bed HUNGRY/Wastage/ Shortage; TEXAS/ ISSUE IMPORTANT TO YOU
4 - Hi guy, I think there are some mistakes here: "...make you feel that my country has the abundant...
Undergraduateblack and white - Jan 3, 2013 / jupiter - Jan 3, 2013
|Helping People/Technology/Biomedical Engineering ; NCSU ESSAY- WHY THIS MAJOR?
4 - i think the first paragraph does not really go with the beginning of second paragraphs. they are like two...
Undergraduateblack and white - Dec 30, 2012 / zdv - Jan 3, 2013
|"You are Not Special" ; Cornell Sup /Economics
UndergraduateCTHIMENYOR - Dec 30, 2012 / dumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Synthesized Voices; Common App/ Creative Work
UndergraduateFukoiko - Jan 1, 2013 / dumi - Jan 3, 2013
|Athenaeum speaker Daniel Kahneman - Claremont McKenna supplement
2 - After seeing the thread at first I thought why didn't you give some intro for the college! But then...
Undergraduatesogoldman - Jan 2, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 3, 2013
|African American / Hurricane Katrina ; Eugene Lang College- I've been in minority
Undergraduatelionesha1 - Jan 2, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 3, 2013
|Three types of joy in life; BARD / Short response to thoughts
3 - This is a great narrative. I enjoyed reading it! Specially the hamburger bit. However, I felt this was...
Undergraduatecarvonde - Jan 1, 2013 / catc22 - Jan 3, 2013
|Love for writing/ Gap year/ Journalism
9 - I think you should give another reason as to why you like writing. Colleges like extroverted people, which, if...
Undergraduatezdv - Dec 29, 2012 / hughj - Jan 3, 2013
|President Leadership Experience In My Organization In My School
2 - Your answer to the question is succinct and shows clarity of thought. It is simple and straight forward. However,...
UndergraduateShelleylpierre - Jan 1, 2013 / catc22 - Jan 3, 2013
|Aftermath of my Accident/ My grades ; Common App
4 - Then Remember Bangladesh is the KING of strikes (pseudo name of PURE Rampage!) Yes please do help me...
Undergraduatezdv - Jan 3, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 3, 2013
|Physics major+Computer+Neuroscience& Psycholgy;St. Olaf/ Designing own Interim Course
5 - That being said what I don't want to major in but still have the curiosity to learn are computers,...
Undergraduatemoon05 - Jan 1, 2013 / zdv - Jan 3, 2013
|'brilliant minds in the country' - Duke Pratt School of Engineering
5 - I would say the same: CHANGE THE LAST SENTENCE. It isn't only Duke that has Engineering. People are also...
Undergraduatenoneil - Jan 1, 2013 / moon05 - Jan 3, 2013
|'The world is upside down' - dance common app extracurricular essay
8 - zdv, Your essay is really very good. Your interest for dance is getting reflected in this essay. Just as...
Undergraduatezdv - Dec 26, 2012 / black and white - Jan 3, 2013
|Commonapp EC short answer about charity works
UndergraduateVVCepheiA - Dec 31, 2012 / zdv - Jan 3, 2013
|Germany|Masters| Mechanical Engineering; SOP Evaluation
2 - As a graduate in Mechanical Engineering, I look for seek a Master's Degree to refine my knowledge and skill...
Undergraduatehemanth90 - Dec 31, 2012 / spawne - Jan 3, 2013
|Math & Actuarial Sciences/ Educational goals,interests in chosen program
Undergraduatemm3ahmed - Jan 1, 2013 / js65438 - Jan 3, 2013
|(Study history / Video games) - NYU essays
5 - I really loved your Assassin's Creed essay! Very creative, and I love how it ends with a question....
Undergraduateabulkhair37 - Jan 1, 2013 / fluff123 - Jan 3, 2013
|Transformation helps us benefit from new enviorenment; Common App Transfer Essay
Undergraduatejpsmyth - Jan 1, 2013 / jpsmyth - Jan 3, 2013
|I am from Bangladesh/ MIT / Cultural background
Undergraduateessa07 - Jan 1, 2013 / pinkpolkadot15 - Jan 3, 2013
|Marketing and public relations; Emerson Supp/ What influenced to choose my major
Undergraduatepaigeevaa - Jan 2, 2013 / juneidyl - Jan 2, 2013
|I am defined by my characteristics, beliefs, and perspective; McMaster; BHSC
2 - Another Mac applicant! :D I agree with ParceledTongue, you can omit the "I believe" at the beginning. ...
UndergraduateJoshua_was_here - Jan 1, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 2, 2013
|'...since Facebook is blocked in China' - Chicago Short answer #2 Danza Kuduro!
3 - Your title is slightly misleading, since it makes me assume it's something about the Great Firewall of China, and...
Undergraduatechewbaccablack - Jan 2, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 2, 2013
|Insecurity, Fear, Jealousy - UChicago / HUMAN CONFLICTS
Undergraduateabulkhair37 - Jan 2, 2013 / Kitsumi - Jan 2, 2013
|What Waldo represents; UChicago- So where is Waldo really?
3 - Man, that is amazing. Perhaps you could have a smoother transition from your childhood experience into 'what is Waldo...
UndergraduateRozn - Jan 2, 2013 / Kouteri - Jan 2, 2013
|The air was warm, the sky was clear; UCHICAGO EXTENDED ESSAY
NEW - I finally managed to complete a version of this essay that I actually liked. This was by far the...
Undergraduatewhitezebra - Jan 2, 2013 / — -
|Biochemistry/ Molecular Biology/French/History/Art/Architecture; BrownPLME- My FIELDS
Undergraduatebpi1092 - Jan 2, 2013 / bpi1092 - Jan 2, 2013
|Small class size/ excellent academics / networking/ future careers; WHY UCHICAGO?
4 - Thanks to everybody for their replies, I will help you with your essays as soon as i'm done with...
Undergraduateabulkhair37 - Jan 2, 2013 / abulkhair37 - Jan 2, 2013
|C for BIOLOGY; George Washingon / Risk I took,failed & what I learned
Undergraduatemystictiger - Dec 24, 2012 / Wisconsingirl94 - Jan 2, 2013
|Gain readiness/Brighter future- CARE SBP/ Educational goals
NEW - CARE Summer Bridge Program Essay The CARE Application Essay: How can CARE assist you with your educational goals...
UndergraduateMariettaA - Jan 2, 2013 / — -
|'Use of fear' - University Application Essay - Significant Challenge
4 - "I became uncertain with whether or not I wanted to continue through." how about "uncertainty loomed" good...
Undergraduate13579e - Jan 2, 2013 / MH31595 - Jan 2, 2013
|ECONOMICS/ Liberal arts/ History/ Philoshophy; WHY MAJOR?
Undergraduaterachely - Jan 2, 2013 / sogoldman - Jan 2, 2013
|Youth conservatory program ; COMMON APP ACTIVITY
UndergraduateG1212 - Jan 1, 2013 / bpi1092 - Jan 2, 2013
|'Africa's underdeveloped country' - Pitzer Supplement
2 - What is Pitzer? I am asking because I am curious of the degree of formality needed for the essay,...
Undergraduatebryetkd - Jan 1, 2013 / WakaDHaka - Jan 2, 2013
|Brad's music/humor & pop/ creative approaches; Internship/What I'd bring and take
2 - What does (you're talking about two people - Brad Paisley and yourself, so you should use "do" instead) Brad...
Undergraduateckpckp1994 - Jan 2, 2013 / lornam - Jan 2, 2013
|Going away to school frightens me; Harvey Mudd Essay / One thing
Undergraduatejakk1994 - Jan 1, 2013 / jakk1994 - Jan 2, 2013
|Biomedical Engineering, Natural Course of Action After Diagnosis
3 - His genetic disease is extremely rare a mutation that is incurable. Although his cancer had not yet progressed very...
Undergraduatelalenaskye - Jan 2, 2013 / Ahndrahdee - Jan 2, 2013
|I chose to tell the truth; CAL TECH/ Ethical Dilemma
2 - Interesting... It's pretty risky to say "I almost lied to you, but I didn't." For some reason I feel...
UndergraduateTaset - Jan 2, 2013 / katev - Jan 2, 2013
|At Brown I will take all decisions by myself about my studies / Being the architect
Undergraduatejs65438 - Jan 2, 2013 / katev - Jan 2, 2013
|America had blacs with a few white people; Brown Common App
UndergraduateCMB19932015 - Jan 2, 2013 / lalenaskye - Jan 2, 2013
|Photoshopped/ Caltech Humor essay
3 - The last story with the audio seemed out of place-awkwardness. Maybe you can take that section out and wrap-up...
UndergraduateTardisk - Jan 2, 2013 / js65438 - Jan 2, 2013
|Guarding humanity; Brown Supplement; PLME is a good fit
Undergraduatebpi1092 - Jan 2, 2013 / jakk1994 - Jan 2, 2013
|My most influential person and the best friend is my mother
2 - The most influential person in my life is my mother. She taught me how to continue loving through the...
UndergraduateJhinojosa24 - Jan 2, 2013 / lalenaskye - Jan 2, 2013
|'The Reunion' - Common app essay
4 - Try going through and highlighting all the adjectives and adverbs, especially in the first couple of paragraphs, then see...
UndergraduateParceledTongue - Jan 2, 2013 / ameliam13 - Jan 2, 2013
|'relevancy of economics' - Cornell Supplement Economics
6 - I made some corrections but I saw that they were all made by strwrsfn0013. Other than that I couldn't...
Undergraduatealicederp - Jan 2, 2013 / CTHIMENYOR - Jan 2, 2013
|ICS program is one of a kind / Duke Sup/ Duke attractions
13 - Overall this is a good essay. Red grammar problem Blue marking are things that I think the essay would...
Undergraduatemayfl0wer - Dec 29, 2012 / CTHIMENYOR - Jan 2, 2013
|Intellectual individuality/open curriculum ; Brown /Architect of your education
3 - What about: I seek an environment where it is encouraged to express intellectual individuality, where opportunities to combine...
Undergraduatewaterlilly995 - Jan 2, 2013 / waterlilly995 - Jan 2, 2013
|'Scientific exploration' - CalTech supplement essay
5 - Right, I was trying to find what opportunities they offered over the internet, but all i could find was...
UndergraduateTaset - Jan 2, 2013 / Taset - Jan 2, 2013
|"What is it about Caltech's opportunities and resources": transition help
3 - Be careful of the line "just like my dad". You want to indicate that he inspired you to become...
Undergraduatekduan - Dec 24, 2012 / Tardisk - Jan 2, 2013
|In Which I Contemplate the Definition of Hipster- Common App Essay
Undergraduateaminnis - Jan 1, 2013 / aminnis - Jan 2, 2013
|'more like a family' - Why did you choose to apply to UCF? international student
2 - "First (Don't really need the "first" ) Its amazingdiverse population of students from across the world thrills me and...
Undergraduatecalani94 - Jan 2, 2013 / jakk1994 - Jan 2, 2013
|'No playtime and television' - Cornell CALS supplemental essay- why biology?
Undergraduatesjessica26 - Jan 2, 2013 / sjessica26 - Jan 2, 2013
|BENNINGTON/supplement/running list/ short answer
5 - "Ruhnama will be my choice as it is represents the basis of my nation's arts and literature, Turkmen culture,...
Undergraduateserdarovez - Jan 2, 2013 / jakk1994 - Jan 2, 2013
|Psychology is alive at Cornell/ Intellectual interests, their evolution..
5 - I agree with the previous poster who said that it is too short. You did not describe very much...
Undergraduate0livegreen - Dec 29, 2012 / karatekid666 - Jan 2, 2013
|'consumer's subconscious' - Psychology and Business; Cornell Supplement
2 - When I first decided to pursue/give in to my naturally curious tendencies, I was unable, as my high school...
Undergraduatekatev - Jan 2, 2013 / Ahndrahdee - Jan 2, 2013
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