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|Small campus/ Rosa Parks; BARNARD/ Why apply?/ Woman in history
4 - When I did my college research project junior year, I stumbled upon Barnard College. I discovered this all women...
Undergraduatevvega395 - Dec 31, 2012 / CollegeApp - Dec 31, 2012
|Program/Track team& coaches/ Myself; Syracuse - Why apply?/ Dream Person
3 - Honestly, thank you so much!! Every little bit helps. God bless you. And there is no word limit!...
Undergraduatelexiclavet - Dec 31, 2012 / lexiclavet - Dec 31, 2012
|"DREAM"; CommonApp/ Personal Statement
3 - Oh I was under the impression they wouldn't allow me to write 'it's' and 'they're' etc. Yes when I...
UndergraduateWonderlandPlan - Dec 31, 2012 / WonderlandPlan - Dec 31, 2012
|Further my education in the sciences; NYU SUPPLEMENT/Academic Plans
Undergraduateticklelisaelmo - Dec 30, 2012 / jfloyd1879 - Dec 31, 2012
|People to People Student Ambassador program; Creative work
Undergraduatemltrip - Dec 30, 2012 / mltrip - Dec 31, 2012
|MIT EECS provides tools and resources; MIT admission short essay/ Department
Undergraduateduquevan - Dec 27, 2012 / mohitsinghal95 - Dec 31, 2012
|Calm melting pot of culture and intellectualism / "Why Boston?"
Undergraduatejfloyd1879 - Dec 31, 2012 / snibberbit - Dec 31, 2012
|ARTIST/ COOKING/ Conversations on MYSTERIES; Harvard's / Future Roommate
2 - I know you're trying to make yourself seem quirky and fun but I feel like the first sentence is...
UndergraduateIdealprism - Dec 31, 2012 / jlee30410 - Dec 31, 2012
|Sudden inspiration; MIT/ What attributte of your personality are you most proud of?
Undergraduateduquevan - Dec 31, 2012 / duquevan - Dec 31, 2012
|Enthusiastic Artist; New Rice ; How you contribute to life at Rice?
2 - English didn't matter, so long as I made the grade. When I first started taking French, I was frustrated...
Undergraduatearguanoid - Dec 30, 2012 / redrobinson - Dec 31, 2012
|"Stand up for what I believe"- Lehigh Supplements.
2 - Your story is very interesting. I fixed just grammar, and did my best to not change any of the...
Undergraduateksm1872 - Dec 30, 2012 / c_lignelli - Dec 31, 2012
|'An Unexpected Journey and Winning the Green Card' Common Application
Undergraduatebr2pi5 - Dec 26, 2012 / br2pi5 - Dec 31, 2012
|"Seven Sisters" intrigued me; Barnard / Good Match
Undergraduatewhitezebra - Dec 31, 2012 / whitezebra - Dec 31, 2012
|TUTORING has been a significant part of my life; Extracurricular Activity
Undergraduatearguanoid - Dec 31, 2012 / snibberbit - Dec 31, 2012
|Sultan Ahmed Mosque; NYU supp/ What intrigues you?
4 - Very good paragraph. I was about to question you on how you discovered that your heritage was precious...
Undergraduatenounouboo - Dec 26, 2012 / vvega395 - Dec 31, 2012
|I wanted them to be moved; UPenn Supp- Ben Franklin!
Undergraduatesillybandz - Dec 31, 2012 / CTHIMENYOR - Dec 31, 2012
|My entire family; Common App/ Person influenced
Undergraduateaarkebauer - Dec 31, 2012 / headshot0313 - Dec 31, 2012
|Travel - new perspective - Rice University
4 - This is an admissions essay, right? Your experiences and references to people are really strong, but maybe it would...
Undergraduatesogoldman - Dec 30, 2012 / c_lignelli - Dec 31, 2012
|LANGUAGES/ English, Spanish & Chinese; NYU/ What intrigues you?
Undergraduatevalfernandez94 - Dec 31, 2012 / valfernandez94 - Dec 31, 2012
|"My Battle Against Obesity" - 'something in your life goes unnoticed/ why it's important'; MADISON
2 - Pretty amazing essay. Historical references are a nice touch, and the entire thing flows very well. Only thing that...
Undergraduatediff - Dec 30, 2012 / arguanoid - Dec 31, 2012
|Teen Court; Common App Extracurricular
Undergraduateding377 - Dec 29, 2012 / ding377 - Dec 31, 2012
|I retained a keen passion for photography; NYU - Global network/What intrigues you
Undergraduatemcyyx3 - Dec 31, 2012 / ticklelisaelmo - Dec 31, 2012
|Diverse city & culture/ unique atmosphere; NYU sup/ Why NYU?
3 - The ending should be changed because right now it does not do a good job at closing your response....
UndergraduateIvonneA95 - Dec 29, 2012 / valfernandez94 - Dec 31, 2012
|Stanford Essays- Intellectual vitality + Roommate note
4 - i just read the room mate essay and it was gooood :) although i dont particularly like the numbered...
UndergraduateGAS1995 - Dec 30, 2012 / rew2402 - Dec 31, 2012
|INTERNET; NYU Supplement; What intrigues you?
4 - I really like how you included your own experience into your response. It shows that you are really passionate...
Undergraduatedssauber - Dec 30, 2012 / valfernandez94 - Dec 31, 2012
|Education system in the US; Brown Sup; Academic environment
Undergraduatebr2pi5 - Dec 30, 2012 / br2pi5 - Dec 31, 2012
|"Tesla?"; It was my mistake.; UVa Supp/
Undergraduatelulwut - Dec 31, 2012 / lulwut - Dec 31, 2012
|Working at an International Fair; GAP year Essay. What have you been doing?
4 - Ahh. Awkward sentencing at times, but I think trhough this essay, I can see that you are a good...
Undergraduatelinting2012 - Dec 28, 2012 / qasderwdw - Dec 31, 2012
|Daughter. Sister. Friend. Cousin. Granddaughter... RELATIONSHIPS; STANFORD/ WHAT MATTERS
2 - rephrase? unwelcomed or unwelcoming determination(comma) I have learnt what i personally believe is that you (as...
UndergraduateGAS1995 - Dec 31, 2012 / rew2402 - Dec 31, 2012
|Shining computer parts / Greenhouse Club / Brown sup; Short answers
12 - this is nice, but you use a lot of 'and's in your sentences; instead of ' my understanding of...
Undergraduatea608863a - Dec 30, 2012 / vncnz - Dec 31, 2012
|Core Curriculum /Enlightening discussions ; COLUMBIA SUP/ Most Appealing
2 - This is very simple yet informative. Its very good and I like how you mentioned math and science again...
UndergraduateCollegeApp - Dec 31, 2012 / vvega395 - Dec 31, 2012
|'The best jobs' - Why I want to study engineering - Rice University
Undergraduatesnibberbit - Dec 31, 2012 / Mein - Dec 31, 2012
|Chemistry & Nervous Systems; Coumbia/ Neuroscience or chemistry?
UndergraduateEmeeShie7 - Dec 30, 2012 / EmeeShie7 - Dec 31, 2012
|Teacher who plants seeds of knowledge; BatesCollege/ Mission statement
2 - Well, nice to see a Vietnamese here. And applying to Bates, you're my opponent. Your English language is great,...
Undergraduatetrangsix - Dec 31, 2012 / bymyside4948 - Dec 31, 2012
|Being a Muslim; Common App/ Personal, local, international concern
3 - Both are really well written. However for the first essay, you shoudl try to reveal about what you...
Undergraduatemgabir - Dec 26, 2012 / chewbaccablack - Dec 31, 2012
|We grabbed Trophy; MSU/ Richness of Campus Life
4 - This is my revised version MSU Prompt: 1. Michigan State University recognizes that an assortment of interests, viewpoints,...
Undergraduateshailendra redd - Dec 23, 2012 / shailendra redd - Dec 31, 2012
|Dr. John Roebke, a passionate teacher; Person of Influence
5 - Instead of : 1) 'such many new ways, and I regard...' I would replace it with just 'such many...
Undergraduatejfloyd1879 - Dec 30, 2012 / GAS1995 - Dec 31, 2012
|Hamilton, the drop of water; Hamilton supp/ Why Hamilton?
3 - "The strongly emphasized the creative writing program" I'm a Chinese, and I'm also applying to Hamilton. Please help me...
Undergraduateteddyliu - Dec 25, 2012 / rainneil - Dec 31, 2012
|Which department at MIT appeals to you and why?
2 - Definitely I think they are looking for something more specific than revolutionizing technology :P No seriously,...
Undergraduatemetalstriker - Dec 31, 2012 / ershad193 - Dec 31, 2012
|My passion is the Universe/ CORNELL Common App
2 - Here's a trick: As a world leading research institution, I will have the necessary tools available to continue my...
Undergraduateshmegg - Dec 30, 2012 / ershad193 - Dec 31, 2012
|Dhaka is really close to my heart! -Stanford- What matters to you and why?
UndergraduateWH123 - Dec 28, 2012 / WH123 - Dec 31, 2012
|It looked into my eyes and said, "Have faith"; NYU-What intrigues you?
5 - Such was the surrounding that as I leisurely followed the road, sometimes slowing to admire the sunset; it was...
Undergraduatealicederp - Dec 31, 2012 / holmes01234 - Dec 31, 2012
|I had the opportunity to get involved in a program at the New York University
4 - high school..not highschool. 3rd line- after process and full stop give a space. line 11- i think its not...
Undergraduatenayelojello - Dec 30, 2012 / Bikash2013 - Dec 31, 2012
|business essay - 250 word requirement (proofread and tips appreciated!)
3 - I think you have to change your last paragraph because its not relevant and parallel to the main body....
Undergraduateballetdncr3895 - Dec 30, 2012 / Bikash2013 - Dec 31, 2012
|"impoverished family status"; Personal statement
6 - nayelojello - Thank you for your comment. I will consider that. Could you please help me by saying some...
UndergraduateBikash2013 - Dec 30, 2012 / Bikash2013 - Dec 31, 2012
|I come from a different background than yours; Stanford Roommate
3 - Your essay needs some variety; parallel some sentence and vary your words; don't just use I am.... or I...,...
UndergraduateMufasa - Dec 30, 2012 / Mein - Dec 31, 2012
|My brother hated school; Boston College ; Experience affecting perception
3 - I agree with yuzec, you should focus on your feeling, your change of perception, and how your brother trigger...
Undergraduaterainforest3321 - Dec 28, 2012 / Mein - Dec 31, 2012
|My reality after my best friend committed suicide; Common App/ Significant Influence
18 - It is very touching, I an totally impressed.~~ You must have gone through the life's up and down~~...
Undergraduatealicederp - Dec 28, 2012 / headshot0313 - Dec 31, 2012
|'A rat's race' - Stanford Essay-What matters most to you and why?
2 - Hey ! I love your essay choice because it's evident that, taking moments to just slow down and reflect...
UndergraduateAmy95 - Dec 31, 2012 / GAS1995 - Dec 31, 2012
|Make others Happy; Yale/ What matters?
3 - Very good! If you can lengthen, lengthen. "My motives were innocent; I was simply trying to revive the same...
Undergraduatemr_scottyt - Dec 31, 2012 / elina855 - Dec 31, 2012
|Feelings; Stanford/ What matters to you
UndergraduateMein - Dec 31, 2012 / rainforest3321 - Dec 31, 2012
|High heels helped me battle my inner demons../UChicago Arch-Nemesis Supplement
6 - I love this essay. Great job being honest about yourself in such a formal and enlightening way. The harsh...
Undergraduatepingupinga - Dec 28, 2012 / rainforest3321 - Dec 31, 2012
|Mama said we could fix it up; NYU-what intrigues you?
2 - From what I can see, it doesn't seem as though you're really showing much of a personality here. It...
UndergraduateKarla281995 - Dec 31, 2012 / yoitsm - Dec 31, 2012
|Spectrum of the biochemical field; Cornell / Why agriculture and life science?
Undergraduateayu0006 - Dec 31, 2012 / alicederp - Dec 31, 2012
|MagLev; Cornell / Building interest.
NEW - Cornell:Tell us about an engineering idea you have, or about your interest in engineering. Describe how your ideas and...
Undergraduateluky0ne - Dec 31, 2012 / — -
|High quality education/ universal life experience; BROWN UNIVERSITY/ Why?
4 - to be honest, I feel like the admissions office is going to receive thousands of essays that look just...
Undergraduatewhitezebra - Dec 31, 2012 / holmes01234 - Dec 31, 2012
|Snoring/ Humor/ Reading/ Freindly/ Laugh; Stanford/ Roommate
Undergraduatekmedina217 - Dec 31, 2012 / kmedina217 - Dec 31, 2012
|EASYGOING/KPOP FAN/ INDEPENDENT; Stanford /Letter to Roommate - Future Friend
Undergraduateupwards - Dec 31, 2012 / upwards - Dec 31, 2012
|The Rubik's Cube ; Common App Essay/ Significant experience/ achievement
4 - paragraph 3 maybe vary the word choice from "beat" to something else. found a soln. solved the puzzle. it...
UndergraduateDabbagh - Dec 31, 2012 / mr_scottyt - Dec 31, 2012
|Essay on Bill McKibben ; McKenna/ Leadership
3 - I am impressed by your profound thoughts. I like the example that you wrote in the essay, I show...
Undergraduatebzn456 - Dec 29, 2012 / FortuitousMW - Dec 31, 2012
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