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|New sense of bipartisanship/Ten things ; Stanford; Intellectual Vitality/Roommate
4 - Try not to give off a negative connotation. Saying "good luck with ..." isn't very friendly. I know...
Undergraduatesarahjackson123 - Dec 30, 2012 / yuzec95 - Dec 30, 2012
|The Alchemist ; NYU /What intrigues you?
13 - Good essay overall. This allowed me to earn the leadership roles I wanted, such as senior class vice president,...
Undergraduatesalehrama10 - Dec 30, 2012 / ticklelisaelmo - Dec 30, 2012
|I'm different form my Mom; Significant influence (Person)
6 - I have talked to numerous college counselors as well as admissions directors (My uncle is the admissions director for...
UndergraduateBriJ - Dec 30, 2012 / HarvardAccept - Dec 30, 2012
|Christmas Eve dinner; UChicago - Invent A Past For Present Supplement
23 - I really appreciate this essay and your imagination. I think it would be better if you shorten it a...
Undergraduateenigma33 - Dec 30, 2012 / Bighall - Dec 30, 2012
|'Pakistani culture and daugters' - WHY NYU
Undergraduateqr1995 - Dec 30, 2012 / qr1995 - Dec 30, 2012
|Feel real/Citizens of the world; Princeton Supplement;Culture/Speech of Woodrow
14 - Personally I think the second is better. You could add more details and refine it a little bit more...
Undergraduateenigma33 - Dec 28, 2012 / Bighall - Dec 30, 2012
|Women in maroon BU scrubs; Boston University/ Why BU is a good fit?
3 - this is excellent. maybe talk more about why you have always wanted to be a doctor, other than the...
Undergraduateimbue - Dec 24, 2012 / tahanw13 - Dec 30, 2012
|Color / Stanford Roommate Essay
4 - I think sticking to the color is cool and will distinguish u from others .just try and modify it...
Undergraduatell931110 - Dec 29, 2012 / Udensi - Dec 30, 2012
|My duties towards the family; HAZ LA U SCHOL; Academic & Career Goals (Mexican Heritage)
2 - Hello, iamnicholas1 ! This is a well-written essay! You did a good job in describing your family and how...
Undergraduateiamnicholas1 - Dec 30, 2012 / luying9682 - Dec 30, 2012
|Some live intellectually stagnant lives; Stanford Sup- What Matters and why?
5 - Basically the essay is real good..and the part where u talked about conan find how to put that at...
UndergraduateQWERTY1995 - Dec 29, 2012 / Udensi - Dec 30, 2012
|Like an antique picture of faded color- CApp/ An Ephiphany Moment/experience
UndergraduateNicholas Win - Dec 17, 2012 / Nicholas Win - Dec 30, 2012
|I'm not a man of enormous wealth; What do you add to Rice?
3 - Haha thanks! I was hoping people would get the BOM reference. The soundtrack is amazing! It's...
Undergraduateaqualad - Dec 30, 2012 / aqualad - Dec 30, 2012
|MOTHERHOOD AND MOTHER'S LOVE; NYU! WHAT INTRIGUES YOU?
Undergraduateqr1995 - Dec 30, 2012 / qr1995 - Dec 30, 2012
|Fantastic programs and diversity; Carnegie Mellon Sup/ Why Carnegie?
Undergraduatea608863a - Dec 26, 2012 / a608863a - Dec 30, 2012
|Essay on the remarkable Dr. Crenshaw; Common App
3 - Thanks for the comments. I redid most of the sentences you pointed out but I'll have to think of...
Undergraduatediebysenioritis - Dec 30, 2012 / diebysenioritis - Dec 30, 2012
|College adviser, Dr.Powell/ S yracuse supp/ Who & what influenced?
Undergraduatenayelojello - Dec 28, 2012 / br2pi5 - Dec 30, 2012
|I love chemistry; Cornell Supp - intended major
Undergraduatebatsarebats - Dec 30, 2012 / batsarebats - Dec 30, 2012
|"Summer Campus Days" ; Syracuse sup; Who or what influenced you?
Undergraduaterunnerb - Dec 28, 2012 / nayelojello - Dec 30, 2012
|Started reading quite early!/ Cornell App(Arts and Sciences) Evolution of Interests
2 - "such books was what I asked for"---> such books were what I asked for "may save villages ravaged...
UndergraduateDrachen - Dec 29, 2012 / LarryHoover - Dec 30, 2012
|Urban/Intimate/Diverse community/Excellent academic reputation ;BU- Good fit
UndergraduateKarla281995 - Dec 30, 2012 / icanfly1 - Dec 30, 2012
|Economics, international diplomacy & Language/ Engaging Academically @ Penn(Wharton)
Undergraduatemayfl0wer - Dec 30, 2012 / CMB19932015 - Dec 30, 2012
|Explore,Indulge, Learn; Boston U; "Why BU"
3 - I think you could make the hook a little stronger, make the reader really want to delve in. Other...
Undergraduatemalaikaiyer - Dec 26, 2012 / imbue - Dec 30, 2012
|I desire more diversity; Boston university sup: Why apply?
6 - I think you could make the first paragraph more concise and speak more about the things that you want...
Undergraduatetahanw13 - Dec 28, 2012 / imbue - Dec 30, 2012
|Educational and professional opportunities; NYU Essays~Why NYU and Academic Interests
5 - Hello Again! The second essay was too long, so I had to cut it down. (1493 characters--YAY!!!) Please let...
Undergraduatetess94 - Dec 30, 2012 / tess94 - Dec 30, 2012
|Ms Gearhart, my teacher; Person with significant influence
Undergraduatedieceased - Dec 30, 2012 / dieceased - Dec 30, 2012
|THEATER/ MOVIES; NYU /ACADEMIC INTEREST
4 - I feel as if these three sentences are somewhat awkward when read aloud. Maybe try and adjust the...
Undergraduatesalehrama10 - Dec 30, 2012 / yuzec95 - Dec 30, 2012
|Envl Club/Upgrade library/Not specific;UVirginia;Extracurricular/Project/Place
8 - When I saw this essay prompt, I was relieved but agitated at the same time. The answer came as...
UndergraduateAce1995 - Dec 29, 2012 / mayfl0wer - Dec 30, 2012
|Psychoanalysis/Pencil & Paper; NYU/ Academic interest?/ What intrigues you?
Undergraduatemargeparge - Dec 30, 2012 / yuzec95 - Dec 30, 2012
|Steve Prefontaine; Stanford Supp/ Future Roommate --
3 - i think you may have focused on running a bit too much here. admissions officers want to get to...
Undergraduateldkick - Dec 30, 2012 / mr_scottyt - Dec 30, 2012
|Life has taught me to be happy with few; Common App / Diversity
Undergraduatescrooge - Dec 30, 2012 / scrooge - Dec 30, 2012
|The multitude of resources ; NYU - WHY NYU & ACADEMIC AREAS?
6 - wow you've really done your research on the campus. THAT'S GREAT! One thing I would advise in the first...
Undergraduateten10zin - Dec 30, 2012 / salehrama10 - Dec 30, 2012
|Playing, listening, analyzing, and recording Drexel supplement - music industry major
Undergraduatetahanw13 - Dec 30, 2012 / tahanw13 - Dec 30, 2012
|I walked into an elderly community; Harvard
NEW - Can you edit this essay for grammar and substance. Be as brutal as possible! Thank you! "That woman...
Undergraduatemgabir - Dec 30, 2012 / — -
|"What they don't know won't hurt them"; Stanford Supp/ Intellectual Vitality
20 - I profoundly enjoyed this essay, and I think your admissions readers will too! I think all grammar points I...
Undergraduatefasaran - Dec 22, 2012 / kellyjanemartin - Dec 30, 2012
|I visited Tunis to meet my father ; Princeton/ Summer
3 - Glancing over the essence of your essay, from my honest opinion, you're answering the prompt correctly; personally, I believe...
Undergraduatechewbaccablack - Dec 30, 2012 / TranLePhu - Dec 30, 2012
|It is my dream/ Why Harvey Mudd ?
3 - may be describe , like "only where the unique perceptions of... can be accepted and appreciated. ...
Undergraduatejakk1994 - Dec 30, 2012 / silly278 - Dec 30, 2012
|I was rarely exposed to business. ; Common App / DECA
6 - texo All our hard work paid off were rewarded (I think "rewarded" is a better word)as we were...
Undergraduatetexo - Dec 30, 2012 / a608863a - Dec 30, 2012
|Life of Pi; Columbia Supplement/Meaningful Book:
Undergraduategayboose - Dec 29, 2012 / katev - Dec 30, 2012
|First profit/ City & residents/ Chiangmai people; Academic interests/ Why NYU?/ Intrigues?
3 - shadow_master as I already have India covere d - Explain why you have India "covered" or change the "covered"...
Undergraduateshadow_master - Dec 29, 2012 / hellom - Dec 30, 2012
|hard work and dedication/ UVA Sup - World you come from
9 - Thanks a lot for the feedback! Any other opinions/? Please be harsh and blunt in your feedback!...
Undergraduateeddiemaini - Dec 30, 2012 / eddiemaini - Dec 30, 2012
|I'm from a family that attends church every SundaUnitarianism Scripps/environment
2 - "In ninth grade I chose Janet, my most trusted adult figure in the church, to be my adviser "...
Undergraduatebzn456 - Dec 29, 2012 / jakk1994 - Dec 30, 2012
|A swift breeze greets me ; Stanford/What matters to you, and why?(
NEW - please be strict and point anything that seems put of place! english learner here. :) What matters to...
Undergraduatesilly278 - Dec 30, 2012 / — -
|Is literature the best way to overcome death? - Amherst Supplement (q.2)
Undergraduatefwan17 - Nov 27, 2012 / chewbaccablack - Dec 30, 2012
|The Band Room; Williams College' Reflect on the scene
UndergraduateBirdiee - Dec 26, 2012 / Birdiee - Dec 30, 2012
|arts-and-science focused, medium-sized, highly residential etc. /Why ROCHESTER?
3 - Thanks for the comment! I did have a feeling the bio sentence was abrupt and was meaning to fix...
Undergraduatexphyllisx - Dec 30, 2012 / xphyllisx - Dec 30, 2012
|As I spoke, I felt my heart tightening up like a fist/ U Penn; "Ben Franklin's Quote"
7 - This essay was amazing! The first sentence can be broken down. I felt like it kept continuing.(maybe get rid...
Undergraduatejaegoogle - Dec 28, 2012 / sillybandz - Dec 30, 2012
|Google/ "Hands Out, Eyes Open"; Barnard Supp/ First learn? "majored in unafraid"
6 - Hurston, an author who wrote some of my favorite books... Not sure how you want to phrase this,...
UndergraduateMinted95 - Dec 27, 2012 / katev - Dec 30, 2012
|Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi; Common App/ A historical figure
2 - The only glaring problem with this is the clichĂŠd nature of Mohandas Gandhi. If it's at all possible, you...
UndergraduateUdeeptc - Dec 30, 2012 / AmoebaMan - Dec 30, 2012
|Art is both a great enjoyment & a powerful catalyst of change; SAIC/ More about me
3 - I love your essay! One thing I would encourage you to change is perhaps to create a stronger 'hook'...
Undergraduatejokofatalis - Dec 29, 2012 / imbue - Dec 30, 2012
|Chicago essay: So where's Waldo really?!
UndergraduateRosekareen - Dec 29, 2012 / imbue - Dec 30, 2012
|Voluntary Teaching; Princeton University/Summer
4 - Thank you both for the feedback; your grammatical corrections really helped. :) I'm sorry for this useless post (I...
UndergraduateTranLePhu - Dec 30, 2012 / TranLePhu - Dec 30, 2012
|Columbia's vision of mobility and the Core Curriculum ; Columbia supp- Why?
5 - Thank you! :)...
Undergraduatekeroro - Dec 30, 2012 / keroro - Dec 30, 2012
|"We don't inherit the Earth from our Ancestors we borrow it from our children"; motivation
2 - "We don't inherit the Earth from our Ancestors; we borrow it from our children." Do you know what I...
UndergraduateRocio2395 - Dec 29, 2012 / texo - Dec 30, 2012
|My interest in computers ; Duke Sup-Engineering/ Why Duke?
UndergraduateDarkAlex12 - Dec 30, 2012 / sillybandz - Dec 30, 2012
|Thriving in a competitive marching band; Stanford - Intellectual Essay
6 - I have learned, through my marching band experience, that defeat is something to embrace. It is a wall that...
Undergraduategarmeth06 - Dec 29, 2012 / 503dannyk - Dec 30, 2012
|Visual art and in business/ The cicada ; NYU App/ Program? What intrigues you?
8 - I love how you started this essay. It's really well developed. You showed how ambitious you are but you...
Undergraduatesunny_joy - Dec 27, 2012 / salehrama10 - Dec 30, 2012
|My very first random act of kindness; U WISCONSIN-MADISON/ Unnoticed, but important
Undergraduatepqahpikachu - Dec 27, 2012 / pqahpikachu - Dec 30, 2012
|I must attend the right university; Carnegie Mellon Supp
4 - Here's my final verson: In the first semester of my 10th grade year in high school, I had taken...
UndergraduateLUlb0rd - Dec 29, 2012 / LUlb0rd - Dec 30, 2012
|How France Made Me Change Schools/ Common App
7 - Does anyone have any suggestions of a word or phrase I could replace the "Honey I shrunk the kids"...
Undergraduatepaigeevaa - Dec 30, 2012 / paigeevaa - Dec 30, 2012
|I co-founded & run my Sixth Form's debating society/ Extracurricular Activity
3 - be challenged on the both the latest and oldest standing questions concerning international and domestic politics, law, culture and...
UndergraduateBlackWaltzIV - Dec 29, 2012 / mayfl0wer - Dec 30, 2012
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